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For over a decade, David Tian, Ph.D., has coached tens of thousands of people from over 87 countries to achieve happiness and success in their dating and love lives.
Once a nerdy, skinny professor of Asian philosophy who couldn’t hold a conversation to save his life, David is now director of Aura Transformation Corp., and a world renowned dating and life coach. Dr. Tian has been featured in international media, including AXN, Cosmopolitan, Psychology Today, as well as co-hosting a radio show on national radio and a weekly dating advice column in a national newspaper in Singapore. Formerly a professor at the National University of Singapore, Dr. Tian is actively researching, speaking, and publishing in the areas of philosophy and psychology.
The show, “Man Up: Masculinity for the Intelligent Man,” is David’s way of helping as many people as possible enjoy empowering and fulfilling lives, while contributing to the global understanding of masculinity in modern times. In the show, he takes your questions posed in The Man Up private Facebook group and answers based on his experience Coaching tens of thousands of students around the world for over a decade.
David’s also prepared free video courses that reveal how to get a new girlfriend, how to make friends anywhere, and how to talk to anyone. Click Here and scroll down the page to access these free resources.
David Tian: Boom! Stop. I’m David Tian, PhD. And in this video, I answer the question: How to deal with bullies in a social situation? Welcome to Man Up Episode 187.
Masculinity for the Intelligent Man. I am David Tian, PhD., and this is Man Up! Hey.
It’s David Tian, PhD., and for over the past 10 years, I have been helping hundreds of thousands of people in over 87 countries attain success, happiness, and fulfillment in life and love; and welcome Man Up Episode 187.
I’m in Bali here. The beach is just over those waterfalls at the resort here, shooting a video for you, and this is originally a question from… I got to activate this, okay, from Abedal. The actual real question is, “How do you deal with bullies?”
And then after I answer that, I’m going to get to Abedal’s question specifically, because he’s got specifics here, but most of it will be answered as I explained to you how to deal with a bully. There’s a three-step process, real simple.
The first step you would’ve learned if you did any kind of Krav Maga or a good self-defense course, which is to assess the threat. When the guy walks up on you or whatever the threat is, whatever that physical threat is that triggers this reaction that “Oh shit, what do I do now as a ‘man’?”
Probably, the first thing you need to do is to assess whether this could turn into a physical altercation or violence. And this is something you gotta train yourself to figure out. You’re basically reading people. So if it looks like – if you stand up for yourself, that might trigger him to then go further and start getting physical, then you have to then run away, basically.
What you learn in Krav Maga is to remove yourself away from the situation. Obviously, if there’s violence or any kind of danger going on, the best and safest place is to not be there. That’s the best possibility. So, if you can just remove yourself from the situation, that’s always the best.
Now, sometimes you can’t remove yourself. Maybe you ordered some food and you’re in the middle of enjoying your dinner, and somebody walks up on you and gets really violent or starts threatening you.
At that point, you want to maybe see if you can do step two here, because then you’re enjoying your dinner or something. Or maybe you’re with somebody who is vulnerable, like your grandmother, or your daughter or something, and you need to protect them. Maybe they can’t run as fast as you can run or get out of a situation as easily as you could, so now you’re in a protection mode.
So if that’s the case, then you have to move into step two. But first, the easiest thing to do is to actually remove yourself from the situation.
Now, sometimes the bully is just somebody you can ignore and you might be too sensitive.
That’s a lot of guys. A lot of guys who have trouble with women are actually too sensitive about other guys because their ego is involved.
A lot of the reasons why they suck with women is because their egos are involved even in their interactions with women. They think about themselves too much.
They are too narcissistic; they’re too self-involved; they’re too self-centered; they think about themselves too much; they compare themselves to other people too much. When that happens, it’s easy to trigger that guy. It’s easy to pick on that guy, because he feels always like he’s being attacked.
That’s a lot of guys, actually, a lot of people who feel that way. But if that’s the case, if you feel like you’re too sensitive, well, you gotta get therapy or coaching. Let’s assume that you realize, “Okay, this is not you being overly sensitive. This person is actually going overboard here and is not easily ignored.”
So, if you can just ignore it, that’s even easier. If he can’t be ignored, if you can remove yourself from the situation, that’s the best. And if neither of those work for whatever reasons, then you go to step two. Remember, step one is assess the threat; step two is, what’s the goal? What’s the endgame here? What are you trying to do?
In many cases, if you can’t remove yourself from the situation and you can’t just ignore him, you need to remove him out of here. The easiest thing to do is to then advance the goal.
You have to decide whether the goal is that door; getting him out the door, or getting him over to the bar, or getting him to the bouncers, or getting him to the police or whatever. I don’t know, like moving him in a specific place. Because you just talking and hoping he will leave is not a great strategy.
You need to take the leadership – or maybe it’s to talk long enough to get you and your loved ones out of the situation and remove yourselves from there, or you and your date out of there. So, the goal; what’s the goal? Where are headed? Even physically, which direction are you going? Once you figure that out…
In many cases, if you’re in a club or a bar, if this guy starts to get threatening at you, and maybe you got the table or you paid a lot of money for some bottles or alcohol or whatever, and you don’t want to eat, just vacate that spot.
And then you need to decide whether you’re going to get him to move that way. Right? And this is something most guys don’t realize. Most guys get stuck in like, “Oh, either I fight her…” No, there’s a whole fucking bar, man.
You can move people. So, what you should then do is once you’ve assessed the goal, which direction you’re going to go into, either you remove yourself and your loved ones out, or removing him out of that physical location, and then you can proceed to step three.
Remember, step one is ‘assess the threat’, step two is ‘what’s your goal?’, and step three is – and this branches off into two, is ‘what’s your strategy?’ The strategies are basically going to be coming out to two. This is an oversimplification.
If I had a whole day, I could walk you through a more detailed, more deluxe version of this, but I’m giving you the synopsis. So, that’ll branch out into two options which are either going to defend or befriend. They rhyme, isn’t that cool? Befriend or defend. Let’s go with that word. Befriend or defend.
Now, the easiest one in my opinion is to befriend. So, befriend is realizing – and this takes empathy, it takes social intelligence, it takes emotional intelligence.
This is actually the easiest three step process, but a lot of guys already get fucked up on the first step because they don’t even know how to read people because they have mild Asperger’s or severe Asperger’s for all I know, and have trouble with emotional intelligence, social intelligence, and reading people. They get triggered easily because of that.
They’re like, “Oh, why is he threatening me?” And they were just joking around. It happens all the time; guys who are too uptight. Or they have trouble with memory too. They don’t see the bigger picture of social interaction, so they don’t know what their goal is.
You know, they can break down all of these steps into larger courses, actually, but then we get to the third step and it’s befriend or defend. Befriend is basically where you use your social skills to now make this guy your friend.
I’ll give you the exact situation for Abedal and I’ll show you how to make this guy your friend. But in most cases, you just put yourself in that person’s shoes and you see what his motivations are.
And so, if you can befriend him, you basically defuse the tension there, and then you move him, right? So, you move him to your goal which you already determined in step two.
So, if your goal is to get him to the bouncers, you befriend them, now you’re going physically. So, you’re always showing when it’s male-to-male interaction and you want to show some dominance, you need to get physical.
You can’t be shy and closed up because that guy unconsciously will just assume you can be bullied, and then that bully in him will rise up and get stronger.
You put your hands on him – not like sexually, and it’s not like religiously either – but you put on your hands on him, you show some him, you show some dominance, maybe you put your arms around his shoulders. Even if you’re short.
Like, I’m relatively short for the kind of guys who would be bullies, and I would go up here. But then you know what I’ll do, I’ll just lean on the guy and he’ll have to do this. And suddenly, I’m up here and now I can just do these things. The whole time, I’m smiling and I’m talking loud.
When you get to stage three and you realize you can’t remove yourself from the situation, you can’t just ignore this guy, then you have to raise your volume level by 50%. Why? Because bullies hide in the dark. Bullies operate in the shadows.
If you can shine the light on them, you draw attention to what they are doing, they are going to be a lot more self-conscious because bullies come out of shame. People don’t bully unless they are psychopaths naturally, right? They’re doing it because they feel like they got this power trip or they’re reacting emotionally.
So, if you shine the light on them, suddenly it’ll make them self-conscious and they’ll either run or they’ll freeze. That’s what you do when you raise your voice; you gotta project your volume. You can’t be scared of anything.
You gotta be clear in your mind who you are, what you’re about, and the fact that you’re on the good side, right? The good guy side. You did nothing wrong here and you’re staking your claim here, you’re protecting and defending those you love, right?
So, even when you’re befriending, this is the mindset you have, it’s the same, stage three is the same whichever strategy you choose; whether it’s befriend or defend, it’s the same mindset. So anyway, you put your arms around him.
Maybe you do the Tom Cruise kind of like… You pat him on the stomach and saying, “Dude, man…” It’s whatever, right? You look for something about him. Now, I’ll show you how to do that. Eventually, you move into that sort of jocular joviality with your interlocutor, but that may not be the case immediately because maybe he’s getting all up in your face.
You feel like, “Ooh, if I…” No. There’s a lot of ego. This is why these immature guys can’t do this. They’re like, “Oh, if I show him that I’m open and interested in him, then I’ll show weakness”, right? This is bad.
Most guys can’t do the mature, most easy, most effective way to deal with it. So anyways, if you’re mature, you can do this. You just befriend the guy. There are so many clues, you figure it out. Obviously, it depends on every situation, every guy is different and how you befriend him. So, there’s no clear-cut easy memorize-this-shit-and-say-it.
Of course, there is a whole other course I made, two free courses on how to make friends wherever you go and how to talk to people, right? You can take those skills and put them into that third step for befriend.
But whatever it is that you choose to do, that’s the befriend step. And then if your other option is defend; so if befriending doesn’t work, then you defend. Defending is about taking your ground and making clear that this is your space.
Defending is going to be a lot more like – you mean business here, so don’t fuck with me, right? So you look him in the eye and you don’t smile.
It’s not now like, “Hey, we’re all buddies anymore.” You’re just saying, “Back away.” I’m looking at the apple sign, let me move up to the… Back away. Don’t laugh. Back away. “Excuse me. Excuse me, sir? Back away.” Like a fucking cop. Like a fucking US Border Patrol guy. I know whenever I go through the US, that’s what I deal with.
So it’s, “Excuse me, sir? Let me see your passport. What is your date of birth? What is your birthplace?” When you go through the fucking airports and they say – whatever, like, “Take off your clothes” or whatever the fuck they say in the US airports these days, right? So, you gotta be [INAUDIBLE 00:10:17] business, man. You gotta be ready to back that up.
That’s something I should’ve said at the first step. If you can’t remove yourself and you can’t ignore him, now you’re going to go further, you need to be sure that you know how to defend yourself as a man, as a male, and a biological male in this world – and females too, as people in the modern world, we need to know how to defend ourselves physically.
If you don’t know how to do that, hand in your male card. Just forget it. Pretend like you’re a defenseless little kid, that’s all you are. Because if you can’t defend yourself physically, all you got is verbal, by the way.
So you can go there, you can go that way. But I’m already telling you, you’ve got to raise the verbal channel; turn the fucking thing up. Volume, volume, volume, right? And when it comes time to defend, you better be ready to back up your fucking words.
It’s all eye contact. You see conviction in the eyes. You see conviction in the mouth, in the voice, in the mouth too – in the voice, the whole face, you mean it, right?
And so, he knows. “Okay, okay. If I get into a fight with this guy, he’s going to go all the way.” That’s what he needs to believe.
You see it here, right? But you don’t attack him, you don’t invade him; you just defend, right? So your space here, if he enters your space, then you’re going for it, and hopefully you know how to fucking fight, or defend, or maybe you got a gun or something – I don’t know.
In America, it gets a lot more high stakes, but you have that space, right? And you have to know how to read it, because you gotta get to jump on him. If he’s about to go, the best thing you do is you go first, right?
But you gotta know it – so there’s obviously self-defense really gives you… Knowing how to defend yourself really gives you that confidence to back all of these things up.
But verbally, that’s the best if you can, befriend before you defend, or defend through befriending; but then if you feel like this guy is just crazy and you can’t immediately remove, or you gotta buy some time while you remove your loved ones and get your grandmother out of there, whatever the situation is, out of that dark alley…
What are you doing in a dark alley – but you know, you can speak, “Excuse me, sir?” And you go fucking, like, right? And you have the conviction in your eyes, and you have the strong frame, and you have the defense and you know what you’re going to do, and you’re reacting, and you’re awake; you are alert.
So, that’s how you do it: befriend, defend. Now, let’s go to… So, let me just remind you as I pull out my phone, or it’s not my phone but… Which is that… Ugh, iPhone, it takes so long.
Okay, which is that… Let me remind you those three. What was the first one? Was it enact? Assess the threat. Know your goal, and then your strategy of either befriend or defend. Okay, so that’s the summary of the quickie course on how to deal with a bully.
But Abedal has a very specific case. He doesn’t even know that this guy is a bully. That’s how bad it is. So, he’s in the private Man Up Facebook group asking this question.
“What would you do in a situation where you are in an event with a lot of your friends, and almost everyone in there knows you, and for some reason, some random guy comes and starts yelling at you along with nonstop insults?”
As you’ll see further along, he’s really exaggerated the situation. I’ve seen this many times, several guys ask the same question. Basically, they’re at a party, random guy – and it’s never a totally random guy.
It’s always like a friend of a friend, and you’ll see this is not a random guy, comes along and starts yelling insults. It makes it sound like the fucking Hulk is running up on him, right? And it’s all a complete exaggeration, but you know what’s going on in the mind of the amateur guy who is getting triggered, is exactly that.
It’s funny, because I’ve dealt work with this same issue with guys who are 6’5″, big guys and they still are ‘ugh’, they don’t know what to do. So, one of the problems is socialization when it comes to assertiveness. You haven’t been taught how to deal with bullies.
The school system certainly doesn’t teach you how to do that. They just drag both of you into the teacher’s office and they get a scolding. For all we know, both of them get sent home and get expelled or whatever, right?
And the school doesn’t do shit in teaching you how to defend yourself as a man or make your way in the world as a man. But anyway,
“David may tell you that’s it only interpreted as disrespect only if you think of it as such in your mind.”
He’s referring to an earlier episode I made where I talked about guys who are worried about being disrespected. He didn’t get that.
Sorry, but you didn’t understand what I was saying because he’s all hung up on whether this guy is disrespecting him and not on the physical danger. And we know when that’s happening, this guy’s ego is involved, his self-esteem is involved, and so on. I’ll show you exactly what I mean here.
“Even if I think it’s funny when someone says that, that doesn’t change the fact that your friends will see you as less masculine.” Who gives a fuck? Who gives a fuck? If your friend see you as less masculine, you fucking insecure dick… Sorry.
The guys who are like… Oh, I’m doing this for effect, right? I call it my best friend’s asshole. That’s how guys talk to each other.
I know a lot of you little boys who are triggered easily because you’re sensitive about your ego and whether you’re a man. You’re getting, “Ooh, what is he saying? I’m not a man?” And that means a lot? I don’t give a fuck if you think I’m a man. I wear pink and I have pink fingernails. I don’t give a fuck.
I dye my hair pink, too; I wear a full pink outfit. It doesn’t change a fucking thing about me. It’s just a fucking costume, right? Now, what I’m wearing is just a costume, right? You guys are so wedded to hot other people perceive you.
That’s your weakness. You’re not a man yet. Just because you said that, I know you’re not a man yet. And that’s okay. That’s why you’re in the group.
You’re getting ripped apart here on the comments so, you get it right? Hopefully. It takes a long time. It takes months, and months, and months for that message to penetrate the ego. And I’m not sure if it ever will, actually.
In many cases, they are too much in their own heads. Okay, and the fact that your friends will see you as less masculine and less of a man if you ignore the situation. I don’t give a fuck if anyone sees me as less of a man. I don’t give a fuck about what anyone thinks.
I don’t even give a second thought to what anyone else thinks of me, especially whether they think I’m more masculine or a man. I don’t give a fuck. As soon as you start asking yourself that, you’re already in danger.
That’s why we call it the show for masculine men or men who are learning about masculinity because I know if you’re thinking about masculinity, then you’re not masculine – and I can help you, right? That’s a great way to select in, people who need help, right? Because they are thinking about masculinity, and that’s where… I know you guys need help, right? Sort of like having a diagnostic test, “Well, this is the best diagnostic test ever.”
If you’re worried about your masculinity and it doesn’t have to do with physical – maybe you have erectile dysfunction or maybe you have low energy or low testosterone. Those are real biomarkers of low testosterone, or they can correlated with low testosterone.
But if anything else – this is psychological here like this, if you’re wondering, “Am I a man?”, or even worse, “Do other people think I am a man?” Well, then you’re not a man straight up. You’re not a man if you’re worried about whether other people think you’re a man.
And then he got a question about, “Give us the context.” Awesome, Matt, for asking that. Abedal says:
“It was an immature dude”, bla-bla-bla, yeah, okay. “He approached me and got so defensive after around two minutes after I just left the conversation with his girlfriend.”
So, is this a random dude or did you fucking instigate this shit, right? So, this is what the guys are always… They’re always like this. And so
You know, the guy who is like 6’5″ and he’s like, “This guy is picking on me! He keeps poking at me!” And I was like, “Woah, you’re a big guy. Were you worried?” Because he was so incensed by this little guy, this guy poking him. And it turns out that there’s no physical threat whatsoever, but he felt like he was getting made fun of, and he didn’t know how to deal…
He didn’t want to be perceived as someone who is weak, so he was like, “What do I do!?” And of course, that’s the weakest response possible, right?
You just tell him, “Excuse me, sir!” Or whatever his name is, “Dude, I do not like people touching me. Don’t fucking touch me, man.” And he touches you again, you put him down. And you say, “I wasn’t joking, man! Don’t fucking touch me!” Now, that’s the defend.
If you want to befriend, you do, “Dude, you’re poking me.” You poke him. You poke him back so far he’s going to think twice about poking you again.
You know, if you’re a fucking big dude, you go bang, “Oh, shit, sorry!” You hit him and hit him; and then you start playing with him, you start tickling him; maybe you elbow him by mistake, you elbow, get that elbow on his neck, like “Oh shit, there’s your neck? Ah-ha”, you tickle him, and he will never pick on you again.
The whole time, everyone is just laughing. Learn these fucking social skills, man. Alright. And by the way, in the old pickup world, it was called how to deal with AMOGS. That was in the specific context of guys picking up chicks and shit, but this is like bigger. This is basically assertiveness and social intelligence combined.
Alright, and you gotta know how to defend yourself. Now, I tapped on Abedal’s profile photo, trying to get an idea of what context he’s in. I’m not sure what country he’s in, but he has listed as his occupation ‘boxer’. Now, you look like a tough dude. I don’t know, but I hope that’s not ironic.
Because if you are in fact a boxer, then you can actually use that three-step system that I started off this video with. Okay, so you were hitting
on his girlfriend, and then the dude shows up and you’re like, “Random dude, what are you doing?” And you knew it was the boyfriend, so wake the fuck up, right? You gotta befriend or defend, man.
Or if you can just say, “Sorry man, didn’t know”, then you walk out of there, that’s even better. Or you know, who gives a fuck what your friends… They’re not really your friends.
All you guys give a fuck about what anyone here – there’s no one here, but anyone who gives a fuck what any of these people think, anybody who doesn’t even fucking know you, or even worse your friends.
If your friends judge you for you being you and you putting your real self out there, then they weren’t your real friends to begin with. In fact, I am afraid Abedal, you don’t know who your friends are yet. You don’t even know, because these people, those aren’t real friends that you’d even think that shit.
You should take the other course on how to make friends, because right now you have none, or at least you don’t know whether they are your friends or not. And I believe that you are not their friend because you don’t know what it takes to be a friend.
You don’t know what a friendship is right now, unfortunately. So many things packed in there. My danger is if I answer a question, there are usually five or six topics within a simple question, he thinks he’s asking this, but really he’s asking these five things, and then I have to figure out how to do that within 15 to 20 minutes.
So instead, I gave my own questions at the beginning. So I get that three-step system, and then you guys can get something out of it; and now I’m in the nitty-gritty of this question.
Okay, “I don’t think that I did anything out of the ordinary for the guy to get so defensive, except that I tapped on her shoulder a few times during the conversation.
So, he’s thinking maybe I touched her.” Maybe. We don’t know, man. We don’t know. It doesn’t matter. The fact is, you know why he got triggered: it’s his girlfriend. And so, he’s insecure, so you deal with it, you gotta win him over. You have to get the social skills to do that.
So in this case, I gave an example, right? I wanted to use Abedal as an example. So, I’ll end with his last comment there, which is, “So this guy randomly walks up to you, what do you say? Yelling at you along with non-stop insults.” I don’t know what those non-stop insults are, but you can just – it sounds like – if the guy is yelling at you, it’s not a situation where you can befriend very easily.
You go, “Dude, stop it.” Right? And you put your hands on, right? And you gotta get ready. You’re a boxer. You say you can defend yourself. So you hold it there. You’re not going to go out like this, but you’re just going to come out of here, where your space is and like, “Dude, stop”, right?
And you gotta get his fucking attention. You call it out. You call it the fucking truth. I know you can’t call it the truth. I know you don’t go out saying, you’re insecure, because you are; about what other people think of you, because you are.
I know you can’t grab the truth so you’re not a man yet. But me, as a man, people who are mature, we have more power than you. Even a little girl who has the truth has more power. Even a little boy can bully you, Abedal, because all he has to do is tell the truth about you.
All he has to do is say, “Hey, are you afraid now of this guy?” Right? Because you are. What you should say to the guy is what you’re thinking, which is hopefully if you’re socially intelligent, you’ll say, “Dude, don’t be jealous, man. I’m just talking to her.
I’m just talking to her. I didn’t know she was your girlfriend. Congratulations on both of you. She looks like a great girl. Go over to her. I’m done. Go over to her. I’m done. I don’t want anything to do with her.
Go over to her. We’re done. Go. Go.” And you order that guy to go, right? And you get ready because that guy might come running at you because who knows what kind of crazy people are out there, right?
So, you gotta get ready to defend. Go, bam, bam, bam, boom; or get out of there. If it’s just you, you don’t have to defend your mom or anybody here, just– what do you gain from the fight? Just get out of there, you say, “Woah, dude. Get out. Get out.” And you remove.
But if you want to like – because your friends are there and you want to stay there, just tell that guy to go back to his girlfriend, right? And then deal with that. You guys need therapy. You and the girl, if you guys want to stay together, you guys deal with that shit.
And right there, that should turn you the fuck off from that girl; but you’re not, because you’re all in your head, you’re all self-centered, you’re all actually like a lot of other people, the majority of the world, and you all just want to care about how other people perceive you, and you just want significance. You feel like you’re more significant if other people view you as an awesome dude, you’re the ‘cool guy’. Fuck that shit, man.
That’s why you’re weak, in fact. You know, [INAUDIBLE 00:23:09] to get to Abedal, if you bully him a little bit more and you say, “You’re fucking weak.” I’ve been saying that throughout this video, to trigger him, hopefully then when he gets triggered, he’ll fucking listen and do something.
Either that or he’ll come back, come back and ask more. But you know, the worst thing that could happen is if he just listens and thinks, “Oh, okay,
I got it”, like the way he watched that first episode. “Oh, I understand what David is saying”, and then goes on in his merry way. No, man.
I’m not going to let you think you understand what I’m saying. I’m going to fucking trigger your ass. I’m going to fucking trigger you. I like that word ‘trigger’ these days, it’s like a big thing. It’s a very useful word.
So he ends with… Oh yeah, by the way, you can befriend this guy because you can say, “Dude, you’ve got a beautiful girlfriend.” And you shake his hand, “Dude, awesome man. So much respect. Mad respect. Damn, dude. How’d you do that? Tell me your secrets? I’m going to write down everything you say, man; I’m going to learn everything you say. Tell me.
How did you walk up to her? How did you say hi to her? How did you meet her? Wow, that’s so amazing. Tell me more. Of course you got a girl like that. Look at you. You’ve got a great body.
Where do you work out, man? What’s your workout routine? Woah. Oh man, I can tell you’ve got a great voice. Dude, do you sing? Dude, shit, you have any records or you’ve got any Soundcloud kind of… No shit?”
Dude, it’s so easy to make friends with dudes; you just kiss ass and they love it. They’re all weak-egoed guys anyway. The average guy has weak ego. So anyway, befriend or defend.
Finally, “Still, no matter what happened, I would like to get an insight on what should be done at all times if we are faced with such aggressive behavior.” Oh, that’s really aggressive, huh, boxer? Were you scared, boxer? “When you’re faced with people of your social circle that…”
So he ends with this, “When you’re faced with people of your social circle that value you.” All he’s fucking caring about is what his friends think of it. How weak is that? How juvenile is that? How 14-year-old high school shit is that? For all I know, he’s 14 but he looks like an older dude.
Dude, there’s nothing I can say to you if you’re going to be clinging to that old value system of giving a fuck what your friends think of you, having this fake shit, being on the fake superficial status bullshit, of “Do people think I’m masculine-level?” Fuck that.
Anyway, you’re weak. Have I triggered you? I hope I have. You have no masculinity in you at all. Obviously, I’m exaggerating, Abedal. So, boxer Abedal, it’s time to step up, start to work the verbal skills as well; use your language skills.
I think your English is a second language, so I don’t know what language you would speak with him, but hopefully you’re fluent with that, because those who are not fluent in their chosen language will have a difficult time befriending, especially when their adrenaline is going and then they go to defend.
It really helps if you can get those verbal skills up. This is an issue in Asia. A lot of English speakers here are non-native English speakers so they stumble with their words.
Even in their native tongue in some places like Singapore, so get the verbal skills up and master the three steps: it’s assess the situation, assess the threat, know your goal, decide your goal, and then befriend or defend.
You need to learn how to befriend from the social skills training, and defending is just – you need to know how to defend yourself physically, so that’s something I don’t teach.
Go somewhere else with that. Take a good Krav Maga course or something, or boxing. But in any case, those are the three steps. Abedal didn’t realize he was dealing with a bully, but he was, and don’t give a fuck about what these other people think of you.
I know it’s easy to say, but I have a whole course for that called Invincible, and that’ll walk you through an emotional process that will rewire your programming in your brain for this.
Alright, so the sun has set. I don’t know how dark the video is now, but we gotta get going. That was much longer than I had anticipated. Here we go. Oh yeah, I’m supposed to say it’s been a while, man. I’ve been so busy lately, but we’re getting back into the Man Up videos, so keep looking out.
Thanks for watching the many episodes we’ve done so far, and join the private Man Up Facebook group. I’ll see you inside the group and see Abedal inside the group. Until then, Man Up!
“Man Up” Show (Ep. 197) – How To Stay Motivated If You Feel You’re Enough
“Man Up” Show (Ep. 196) – When Your Wife Loses Interest In You
“Man Up” Show (Ep. 195) – Is Chemistry Enough For A Relationship?
“Man Up” Show (Ep. 194) – Manic Fairy Dream Girls & The Nice Guys Who Worship Them
“Man Up” Show (Ep. 193) – Fixer Mindset, White Knight Syndrome & Nice Guys
“Man Up” Show (Ep. 192) – Whose Fault Is It? Yours Or Hers?