I’ve been getting email questions about how to project a sexual vibe from the get-go so girls won’t ever consider putting you in the friend zone and so you can get sexual really fast in an honest and open manner.
If you make your intentions clear from the start through the right kind of sexual vibe, she’ll never mistake your intentions or confine you to the platonic zone. Comfort can be established much faster through the right kind of Believability techniques (more on that in a later post).
For now, let’s talk about the sexual vibe.
Before you consider sexual vibe, though, you have to be doing three other things very well:
a) Having fun
b) Being social and Making other people have fun
c) Making emotional connections with people and seeing if they meet your high standards.
When you are out, you must be having fun, being social, making other people have fun, and making connections to see if people meet your standards. If you’re not doing this yet, forget about sexual vibe, and focus on these things first.
On to sexual vibe.
There are three main ways that I convey sexual vibe and take things smoothly to the next level.
1) Sexual compliments and touch rewards
2) Sexual eye contact and tonality
3) Sexual state transference
1) When I got back into the game after taking a couple of months off in the summer, I found myself in a strange situation. I’d make girls laugh and all, but then when I went to escalate, things got awkward. It took me about a month to realize that I was playing it too safe. I had forgotten about the SOI (statement of interest). And more importantly, I wasn’t giving statements of interest that were sexual.
A lot of guys think that we’re not supposed to give compliments about girls’ physical traits. I believed that too for a while. So I did standard screening and qualifying on personality traits, like I’ll say, “Wow, you did XYZ. That’s so cool. I like that you’re so ABC.”
But if you’re a high value guy, which is the image you ought to be projecting if you’re doing the other things right, you still need more believability for most girls (unless we’re talking girls who are really really into themselves, in which case you would wait longer to pull out the sexual compliments and do them just to set up the touch reward).
You need to tell them (yes, tell them) that you find them attractive, sexy, pretty, whatever. You can do the classic Juggler line and sneak it in there: “Not only are you sexy, but you’re [X personality trait], too.”
I usually do variations on this: “Look, missy, just because you’re all sexy and sh-t doesn’t mean you can expect everyone to treat you like a queen.”
Or, “Oh, good. I thought you were just another pretty face who just likes shopping and watching TV.”
The degree of directness here should be calibrated to the girl.
With some girls, you might even have to just say, while looking deep into her eyes, “I think… you are … really… beautiful.” Btw, this works great as an opener, if you really mean it.
As the interaction goes further and further, I go into sexual state (more on that below), and start escalating touch and blaming it on her:
“Don’t look at me like that. You’re driving me crazy. Stop it.”
“You don’t know how hard I’m trying not to kiss you right now.”
Or even one I did in the club while dancing on Saturday night on a same-night full-close: “I want to do you really really hard” (in Chinese).
And “I am going to do you so hard you won’t even be able to walk in the morning” (in Chinese).
All of these sexual compliments should be accompanied by some kind of touch escalation. The degree and kind of touch you apply depends on the type of girl and where you’re at in the interaction. You can start off with a light tap on the outside elbow, to pulling her in for a big hug, to putting your arms around her, to pulling her face in for a kiss, to caressing the body part you’re compiimenting, etc.
But make sure that your touch escalation are rewards. That is, she should feel like she’s won that physical touch for the reasons you state in your compliment.
And of course, to set up the compliment, you need to have solid Believability tech. But that’s for another post.
2) There’s not that much that I can convey through words about this, except to say that a great example of the right kind of eye contact and tonality (whether sexual or not) is from Tom Cruise in Top Gun. There are 3-4 scenes that are key: in the bar and ladies’ bathroom, in the classroom when she asks him for dinner, in her house, in the elevator. I’ve watched those countless times.
I also like the Hungarian guy in Eyes Wide Shut for tonality.
For tonality, close your eyes and imagine the most relaxing place in the world for you. Then imagine you are right there, right now. Only then speak… slowly… sensually.
Sometimes in high comprehension settings (relatively quiet and well-lit), eye contact and tonality alone are enough.
3) Along with all of these things, you can do sexual state transference. Basically, to go into sexual state, you imagine yourself doing that girl you’re talking to. Yes, indulge your fantasy right there and then while looking deeply into her eyes. You can triangular gaze too. This is all very powerful.
Btw, there is a scientific reason why this works: Emotional Contagion. See Daniel Goleman’s fascinating book, Social Intelligence, for a good intro to this concept.
I would recommend that you wait until you are further along in the interaction before doing this. This is a huge reward for her, and she really has to earn it. When you do it at the right time, it’s very powerful and should lead right into heavy touch escalation.
Having said that, however, I should mention that I’ve used this occasionally on the approach. There was a girl back in the States I did this on when I first started practicing it. She was walking by, talking to one of my friends. I looked her straight in the eyes and imagined taking her right there and then. She stopped mid-sentence and mid-stride, stood there, and returned my eye contact. After a few seconds, she smiled and gave that doggy dinner bowl look. That’s when I was convinced of the power of this technique. But still, wait until you’ve dropped a few sexual compliments before launching into sexual state.
So there it is. Simple, isn’t it?
Sexual compliments and kino rewards, sexual eye contact and tonality, and sexual state transference.
First, have fun, be social, make emotional connections, drop in a few sexual compliments and reward her with touch, turn on the sexual eye contact and tonality, and go into sexual state.
The Asian Rake.
Evolving Beyond Pick Up: My 21 Convention Interview with Steve Mayeda
How to Create Attraction–The Right Way (Podcast Interview)
Mark Manson Interview with David Tian at Aura Dating Academy – “Inside the Players’ Lounge”
Honesty as the Cornerstone of Attraction and How to Demolish Your Deepest Insecurities in Dating: 21 Convention Full Talk with Outline
The Limits of Personality Change: Some Reflections
Singapore Dating Academy AURA’s Full-Page Feature Article in Singapore’s Highest Circulation Newspaper, The Straits Times