Do You Have Everything You Want? Want to Know How to Get It?
September 19, 2011
Great article by my pal, Christian Hudson over at The Social Man.
Some snippets that I liked:
I am consistently amazed at how many people “settle for less”. Even more amazing is when I see attempts to rationalize it.
For some, it means a grudging acceptance of their place in life and incessant bitching about “the man” or “the system” or the “fat cats on Wall Street” or whatever. In my experience, these are the same people who are the most dependent on the system… their belief is that life owes them first instead of the other way around.
For others, it means asceticism, with which I simply cannot find any honor. Self-deprivation for it’s own sake is a nice thing to do for a week as an exercise in self-control and awareness, but as a lifestyle decision, it’s tantamount to saying “I accept the life of a pauper by choice.”
And on the flip side of these two are the “30K Millionaires”. I bought into this one in my mid-twenties - spending money I didn’t have to get the temporary feeling of being worth something, whether it meant bottles at the club or a fake Panerai on my wrist. As I found out firsthand, and as the U.S. will find out sooner or later if things don’t change, life SUCKS when interest payments exceed income.
None of these are quality lifestyle choices. Yet people accept them day after day because they don’t take responsibility for what they really want, and for doing everything possible to make it happen.
My Belief: I owe it to the world to give it my best… to live up to the measure of my creation… and I deserve the lifestyle that comes with that.
It wasn’t long ago that…
Read the rest of this article on Dating and Lifestyle here.
Mating Intelligence: Develop it or Be Weeded out in Evolution
September 17, 2011
Just wanted to apprise you of an excellent book that collects some of the latest academic research on the topic of mating and evolution: Mating Intelligence: Sex, Relationships, and the Mind’s Reproductive System, edited by Glenn Geher and Geoffrey Miller. In my personal development, I’ve found the concepts of Emotional Intelligence and Social Intelligence extraordinarily helpful in understanding and improving my quality of life. The concept of Mating Intelligence is equally, if not more beneficial, as it turns out it’s been something I’ve been focused on developing in myself for seven years now. I hope it’s just a matter of time before the school systems finally realize the indispensability of Emotional Intelligence, Social Intelligence, and Mating Intelligence to success, human flourishing, and overall happiness in life.
The book discusses why mating intelligence is a key trait selected for by evolutionary processes. If the mating strategies work, they will be selected through evolution. As the philosophers Hichem Naar and Alberto Masala observe, “Committing yourself to a better understanding of mating psychology, theoretically and practically, therefore gives you an advantage 
over many individuals who lack enough mating intelligence to produce reliable intuitions about the other sex’s expectations and desires” (from their chapter in Dating–Philosophy for Everyone: Flirting with Big Ideas, edited by Kristie Miller and Marlene Clark, in which I also co-authored a chapter).
For the authoritative monograph on this subject, see David Buss’s The Evolution of Desire: Strategies of Human Mating, as well as the classic The Selfish Gene by Richard Dawkins. Both are rigorous academically but also quite readable.
Best, David
Singapore “Dating Coaches” and Aura Dating Academy: An Experience
August 16, 2011
* The following is a true story, which took place in Singapore *
A couple years ago, Michael Tan, a 27-year old Singaporean engineer realized he needed help with women. He had had girlfriends before—two of them—one during his JC years and another during his uni days. Neither of those girls were what he considered “ideal,” but anyway, they had dumped him. Now single for over two years and working in a small engineering firm, he had no idea how to meet new women outside his increasingly smaller social circle and no clue how to approach the attractive women he did see.
This post has been moved here: Click here to read more about Singapore’s Biggest and Best Dating Academy: AURA.
Inside the Players’ Lounge, Episode 1, Part 2: Dr. David Tian Interviews Starlight from Love Systems
August 11, 2011
Inside the Players’ Lounge is a series of interviews of top dating coaches and social artists who are Asian, are based in Asia, or have a deep interest in Asia and Asian women.
You can find Part 1 of the Inside the Players’ Lounge interview with Starlight here.
In Part 2 of the interview, some of the things you’ll learn include:
-Why men in Singapore may be at a distinct disadvantage in the global dating world and what to do about it to make you stand out in a great way from your peers.
-How the Asian emphasis on familial ties doesn’t have to get in the way of becoming your own independent man.
-How your body language can make a huge difference in Asian societies.
-Why you need to learn the importance of guanxi and face in attracting beautiful women in Asia.
-The proper mindset behind being assertive, even in conservative Asian societies.
-And much more
We welcome your feedback.
Enjoy!
Dating Skills Podcast Interviews Dr. Asian Rake David
August 9, 2011
I’m really excited to share with you this interview I did with the Managing Director of Dating Skills Review, Angel Donovan. I’ve known Angel from way back in 2005, when he was living in Shanghai and running the China Lair, which under his mature leadership, was a tight ship with plenty of helpful content and a non-competitive, positive, and supportive atmosphere. He was coaching even before 2003, and it’s always a joy to share thoughts with a guy who’s been researching dating and relationships even longer than I have and who has had lots of experience in China.
In this interview, you’ll learn:
- How differences in Asian cultures and communication change dating and attraction.
- Popularized Myth #1 - Chinese and Asian women “They’re easy”.
- Cultural differences that matter - how to sabotage your chances by ignoring ‘face’ and other social concepts.
- What emotional and sexual repression is and how it effects your perception of how much a girl likes you.
- Popularized Myth #2: Asians are all the same. The subtle differences between Chinese, Japanese, Korean and South East Asian women and culture.
- Advantageous social dynamics for Asian men in Asian countries and social groups.
- Examples of typical approaches to dating Western women that can backfire with Asian women and a mini case study of Western advice going wrong.
- How learning the subtleties of Asian culture, social dynamics and women can improve your dating skills with all types of women.
What If You’re the Only Asian Guy in a Group of Good-Looking White Dudes?
June 28, 2011
Commenter Al had a great question that I’m sure many others also have, so I thought I’d just make it a post on it’s own.
Hey David,
I just enrolled in the Unbreakable program (from The Social Man). One thing I was thinking while watching the first video was that…both Christian and Nick are pretty good-looking white guys.
While I’m tall and decent looking myself, I can sense the lack of eye contact I receive compared to my other white friends. I know from your previous posts that I shouldn’t whine about my situation, but I’m just wondering what you think of this issue.
–Al
Hey Al,
I appreciate your question. Having been close friends with Christian since 2005 and Nick since 2008, I’ve had to deal with this exact issue! But this of course doesn’t only come up when I’m with them. It comes up whenever I’m with anyone who is attractive or successful. But it’s actually not a problem; it’s a blessing.
People associate you with what surrounds you.
I like having good-looking guys around me in my group or team (I say this from a completely hetero standpoint, ha). And the smartest girls know that they look even better when they are surrounded by women just as or more beautiful as them.
If your social value when you’re by yourself is a 9/10, and you’re hanging out with three of your computer geek friends who when by themselves would be a 3/10, then your nerd companions will bring your subjective social value down to a 4.5! Girls will write you off as just the best looking out of the computer nerds. Not so good.
The only time guys individually worse than you can make you look good is in successive comparisons (such as in a runway show where the models come down the runway one at a time). So if the girl keeps seeing loser guys in succession and then all of a sudden sees you, then you fare better by the comparison.
But if she sees you and the nerds at approximately the same time, maybe because you and your friends are all hanging at the same table, then she’ll unconsciously conclude that you’re a loser, too. Those guys will bring down your individual social value.
That’s one reason I try to surround myself with the most successful people I can (besides the fact that they also help me become more positive and successful, and that I just enjoy being around such people). I also like to have around me big, muscular guys (sometimes they look like my bodyguards, ha), hip fashion people, good looking people, and most of all, FUN people!
I discovered this for myself when I started teaching in universities, and I noticed that when bad students sat surrounding a smart student during class, my unconscious mind just started to label that smart student as a bad student, too. And then, I’d have to consciously exert effort to remind myself that, “Hey, that’s the kid who got an A on the last test. Let’s hear him out.”
However, when all the smart students clumped together in the classroom, it was easy to associate that part of the room as where I could go when I wanted good answers to my questions. If a bad student sat in their midst, I’d unconsciously label him as one of the smart students, too.
You’ve probably noticed this in yourself. Think about a Victoria’s Secret model standing alone.
Then, think about that same model surrounded by five ugly looking girls.
Then, think about the effect you get when you have a row of six Victoria’s Secret models together. The result compounds and increases the individual value of each member of the group.
I remember reading psychology research along similar lines but can’t recall them off the top of my head.
ASSOCIATIVE VALUE, CONTRAST PRINCIPLE, and SOCIAL POWER
So, back to your situation. You’ve got some good-looking white dudes that you roll with. Great! First, you get the compounded value from them.
Plus, you get the CONTRAST PRINCIPLE as the one who stands out as different (because you’re Asian). We deal with the CONTRAST PRINCIPLE in the soon to be released Power of Being Asian program.
Now, you can stand out in a bad way and in a good way. This is also the risk of dressing outrageously to get attention (what some pick up artists call, “Peacocking”). It can work for you or against you. Just by being the only Asian guy, your very race peacocks you!
Now use it to your advantage by being the LEADER of the group of white guys. It can happen even more effectively because your race makes you stand out from them.
Don’t think so much about your height or looks. Guys fixate on looks because that’s how we’re built. But we know from evolutionary psychology that women care much less about a man’s looks than they do about his power (often conventionally measured by wealth and social status, but most often unconsciously measured by the way other people react and respond to you).
Girls are MUCH more attracted to power than to looks. Compared to height, looks, or race, power is a far more important generator of attraction in females.
Be the most socially powerful man in the group of good looking guys, and you’ll be that much more irresistible.
Cheers, David
What to Think When You’re Approaching and Meeting New Women: The Attraction Mindset (video)
June 2, 2011
Want to get better with women but also avoid being one of those creepy pick up guys who brag about “pulling chicks” or getting numbers from girls at bars, bookstores, or city streets? Then you should cultivate the simple and easy ATTRACTION MINDSET.
As usual, the video is only very lightly edited.
Credit to Sebastian Drake for giving me the correct focus many years ago.
The Attraction Mindset:
1. Have Fun
2. Make Others Have Fun
3. Make Connections and See If People Meet Your Standards
These 3 points should take up at least 90% of your mental processes when you’re out to meet new people. For more on this idea, check out my post on Outcome Independence and How to Have Fun.
How Can I Get Girls when I’m Asian, Short, Too Young, or [insert limiting belief here]?
May 23, 2011
The Aura Dating Academy Private Forum is rockin’! There is so much great content there, I can barely keep up.
One frequent contributor is Approach Coach and former client Lt. Walker. Being a Singaporean of Indian descent, he recently wrote his thoughts on Limiting Beliefs having to do with race, height, age, or whatever. Without further ado…
Hey, just want to share my thoughts on stereotypes. David and i were briefly discussing it, and i thought I’d like to pen down my thoughts.
I’m an Indian guy and growing up in Singapore has not been the easiest for me. (Despite having a low crime rate, Singapore is not as harmonious a society as the government wants you to believe; there is plenty of “below the radar” racism here). Say whatever you want but racism is still an underlying factor in Singapore. It might not be so obvious but the negative racial stereotypes are everywhere– Indians being alcoholics, Malays being broke, Chinese being stingy, etc., still goes on.
Back in school it was really tough for me. I was constantly made fun of by mates, like, “Dude, you think a black guy like you could get a chick? Maybe if you became Michael Jackson white.” When i was younger, I got made fun of a lot like this. However, now i handle it with easeeeee. It doesn’t affect me anymore.
What I’m trying to say is, it all doesn’t matter. It’s just how you handle it, man, because truth be told, every single guy has weak points. Like the other day, my friend asked if it was tough for me with the chicks of other races in a club. I told him a lot of times I might not get it so easy at first. Like, for my non-Indian friends, they might get pretty good eye contact with a girl before approaching. It does happen to me but not as much.
For me, I told him I know I gotta work harder at first, but once I’ve opened, I know it’s over, it’s mine. So what if you have whatever qualities bringing you down? Don’t complain! Just work harder man! You might have to work harder in this situation than the next guy, but so what? That’s life. Quit whining and start winning.
Has it every occurred to you that maybe she says she doesn’t like short guys, but during the interaction you see a change in the way she looks at you? It’s all how you present yourself.
For me, sometimes I assume maybe she has never thought about being with an Indian guy, or maybe she has always thought that Indian guys don’t like her so she never bothered to befriend any. You never know, man.
So instead of worrying about all your insecurities, just show up in the land of women, and give out your love without expecting anything in return.
Here is an awesome article by Sebastian Drake via Dr. Asian Rake on Overcoming Racial Stereotypes in Dating.
Yours,
Lt. Walker
Expert Panel on Sex and Relationships in Singapore
March 17, 2011
I’ve been featured here on an expert panel in Singapore’s I-S Magazine’s “Ask the Sex Experts” article. Check it out here.
How to Use Humour to Attract Women
March 7, 2011
This is my latest article on Amped Asia. You can check out my article on “How to Use Humor to Attract Women” here.
I’ve reproduced it below for your convenience. If the jpegs are too small, click on them, and that will enlarge them for you in a new browser.
As always, comments are welcome!
Question from Matthew: “Everyone knows that humor is a big attraction tool. How does someone who’s not very funny, or is perhaps soft-spoken, develop a good ability with humor?”
Hey Matthew,
You are totally correct that humor is a big attraction tool.
If you can’t even make a girl laugh, there’s very little chance you’ll be able to attract her. If you CAN make her laugh, you’ve got a good sign she’s at least comfortable with you and may accept your advances.
Lack of humor is a problem endemic to Confucianized cultures, including East Asian societies. We’re taught to think logically, to be conformists, and to be obedient to our parents and elders. Our Confucianized parents raised us to be good mathematicians, engineers, and classical pianists. We aren’t using to living in the mental world of the ridiculous or doing and saying outrageously bizarre things.
But just like any other skill, being comedic and conveying humor are things you can learn, practice, and master. I’ll give you three quick tips any Asian brothers or sisters can use to channel their inner Russell Peters.
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1. EXAGGERATE TO ABSURDITY
Dialogue 3
You (as a guy approaching the most hottest women in the bar or club): “Hey look, I know you guys are soo terribly unattractive that no guys would ever hit on you… So, I thought I’d do you a favor and make you look good… You guys are my good deed for the week (sly smile).”
Don’t do this on average-looking girls or on women lacking self-esteem. This is reserved for women who are beautiful and know they’re beautiful. They will get the joke 
Check out Russell Brand for exemplary cases of the “Exaggerate to Absurdity” strategy, especially his interview with Nerina Pallot. For the Russell Brand Nerina Pallot interview, click here.
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2. POSITIVE MISINTERPRETATION
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3. GET YOUR FRIENDS LAUGHING FIRST (AND GET READY TO LAUGH AT YOURSELF)
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