10 Things You Didn’t Know about Orgasm
August 9, 2010
I absolutely love TED Talks. Here’s one to add some levity to the more serious and deep posts I’ve been making lately. I also thought this would be good to help out with the pre-Kinsey Report level of “sex education” in Singapore, LOL.
“Bonk” author Mary Roach delves into obscure scientific research, some of it centuries old, to make 10 surprising claims about sexual climax, ranging from the bizarre to the hilarious.
Death, the afterlife, and now sex — Mary Roach tackles the most pondered and least understood conundrums that have baffled humans for centuries. (She’s funny, too.)
This Warning is for You
July 31, 2010
A little bit of randomly geeky fun. Consider this a wake up call.
“If you are reading this then this warning is for you. Every word you read of this useless fine print is another second off your life. Don’t you have other things to do? Is your life so empty that you honestly can’t think of a better way to spend these moments? Or are you so impressed with authority that you give respect and credence to all who claim it? Do you read everything you’re supposed to read? Do you think everything you’re supposed to think? Buy what you’re told you should want?
“Get out of your apartment. Meet a member of the opposite sex. Stop the excessive shopping and masturbation. Quit your job. Start a fight. Prove you’re alive. If you don’t claim your humanity you will become a statistic. You have been warned… Tyler”
(The warning at the start of the Fight Club DVD.)
The Social Arts according to “The Karate Kid”: 3 Major Lessons
July 5, 2010
When I saw the remake of the cult classic, The Karate Kid, a couple weeks ago, I was reminded of why the original movie was so often mentioned in self-improvement circles and why that rake Nick Sparks was unashamed to pronounce that he is this movie’s number one fan, lol.
Both the original and the 2010 remake, starring Jackie Chan and Jaden Smith (son of Will Smith and Jada Pinkett-Smith), hold a lot of lessons for guys who are learning the social arts. Why not use pop culture–stuff guys are already watching–to teach higher level principles, which are usually expressed in a recondite and overly abstract manner, and to present them in a more accessible format? Haha, this is a fun article I’ve been meaning to do for a while actually, even before the remake came out.
If you haven’t seen the 2010 remake yet, I highly recommend it. The portrayal of Beijing and the mountain monasteries in China is not as romanticized as most Hollywood depictions, though the most modernized and glitziest parts of Beijing never figured in any of the scenes.
The 2010 remake trailer:
Yes. Indulge me for a minute 
3 Lessons
1. Check Your Preconceptions at the Door, and Start from Scratch
Early in the movie, we see Jaden Smith’s character (I forgot the character’s name, so I’m just going to refer to him as Jaden) trying to learn martial arts from DVDs. Jackie Chan’s character (again, forgot the character’s name, so will refer to him as Chan) sees this while fixing something in Jaden’s apartment and realizes that there is very little chance Jaden will be able to learn martial arts from DVDs.
Well, ya gotta start somewhere. And as most guys out there, I too had my introduction from paperbacks, ebooks, audio programs, and DVDs. But I was fortunate enough to have real life mentors early on–guys like Christian Hudson and Sebastian Drake–guide me in person. Otherwise, I would have been stuck like Jaden or Daniel-san, trying to learn from a TV screen.
Later, when Jaden went to his first kung-fu lesson by Chan, the first thing Jaden did was to explain to Chan that he already knew some fighting moves and was naturally athletic, so he “wasn’t as bad as the average guy,” and that “it would be easier to teach him than to teach the average kid off the street.” Jaden proceeded to (try to) demonstrate some of what he could do and ended up making a mess, breaking Chan’s vase.
Instead of acknowledging any current abilities that Jaden might have already had, Chan ignored Jaden’s ego-protecting attempts at self-qualification and set for him the mundane task of having Jaden throw down and then hang up his jacket over and over and over for nights in a row. At the time, Jaden thought that Chan was trying to punish him for his bad attitude (related to an earlier scene involving Smith’s mother) and did not think Chan was teaching him anything about kung-fu.
As I recall, in the original movie, Mr. Miyagi had to ignore Daniel-san’s tendency to think he already knew what he was doing and to force Daniel to learn from the ground up, from scratch. He had to do this even when Daniel progressed to the level of punching with gloves and protective gear.
When it comes to working with an experienced personal coach on an individual basis, don’t worry about making sure the coach knows what you can already do. If he’s an experienced, competent coach, he will be able to figure out for himself pretty quickly how good you are. Master coaches and even some naturals can tell within a few minutes how good a guy is with women. And if he needs any further information, he will know the right questions to ask. You don’t have to offer any explanations. In fact, the guys who waste time continually telling the trainers how good they already are (or were) and relating lengthy stories that were unsolicited are usually guys whose attitudes make them unteachable.
Often, students have to spend an initial period UNLEARNING all the mish mash of jumbled misconceptions and misinterpretations before they can actually understand and apply the correct stuff.
So instead, approach the learning with an open mind, and leave your preconceived notions at the door. Try to do exactly as your trainer instructs you FIRST before you start trying to think of reasons why it won’t work or devising “what if” scenarios. Otherwise, you will just be wasting your and their time. Try out their suggestions first, and give them a fair try. Only then come back for reflection and refinement.
As Miyagi said, to Daniel: “We make sacred pact. I promise teach karate to you. You promise learn. I say. You do. No questions.”
2. Be Patient with Progress; the “Why” Will Become Clear over Time
Master teachers know that if the student’s mindset is just as, if not more, important than the technique. That’s why Chan didn’t tell Jaden why he had him throw down and hang up his jacket over and over, and why Mr. Miyagi did not first tell Daniel-san why he had him wax his car, paint his fence, and sand his floor.
When kids want to learn martial arts, it’s often because they want to know how to fight. But that’s not really what’s best for them in the long run. The bad teachers in The Karate Kid movies just give the kids what they want (partly because that’s what the instructors are after, too): violence and aggression. But the real masters know that true mastery of any skillful activity in life necessitates and generates a higher outlook and greater purpose.
In the social arts, a lot of guys start out just wanting to bed a lot of girls with perhaps a very distant long-term goal of settling down with one or many long-term relationships or a spouse. Their immediate focus is on getting more and more sex–same night lays, faster and faster seductions, models and bottles, orgies galore–and that’s what a lot of the PUA marketing sells them. But the true masters know that these short-term gratifications will never result in any kind of lasting happiness or even contentment.
But they also know that most students aren’t ready to understand this.
So instead of trying to persuade them, a good coach might mislead or keep the student guessing as to the exact reason or greater purpose behind the lesson, at least until the student is ready to understand.
Most guys don’t really understand just how important are Body Language, Tonality, Eye Contact, and Mental States. They are far more important than verbal material or lines. Students often don’t really understand why they have to spend over 80% of their time working on and monitoring their posture; the way they stand, sit, move, walk, chew, talk; how they look into other people’s eyes; and why they have to do Visualizations and Affirmations daily; and most importantly, that they should focus mainly only on 3 things when they’re socializing: Having Fun; Making Other People Have Fun; and Making Connections.
Instead, they keep thinking their problem is that they don’t know what to say. It’s like those guys who think their problem is they don’t know how to punch and keep wanting to learn how to punch.
Daniel: When do I learn how to punch?
Miyagi: Better learn balance. Balance is key. Balance good, karate good. Everything good. Balance bad, better pack up, go home. Understand?
…
Daniel: [practicing blocks in Mr. Miyagi's boat] When am I gonna learn how to punch?
Miyagi: Learn how punch, after you learn how keep dry! [rocks boat, throwing Daniel into the water]
…
For instance, sometimes, what a guy most needs is to conquer his approach anxiety. But because of his crippling fear, he can’t tackle the problem head on by doing a ton of cold approaches. So instead, the coach tricks him into thinking he’s doing something else other than approaching–doing social freedom exercises like small talk with harmless strangers or doing crazy stunts on the street–and then eases the student into raising the bar to small talk with cute girls, bypassing the anxiety triggers.
This is the “boiling the frog” method.
3. The Social Arts are in Everything; Start with What You Naturally Do
Probably the most obvious parallel between The Karate Kid and debates in the social arts is in the natural vs. canned issue.
I doubt I need to explain this. It should be obvious.
The bad karate teacher is all about ruthless technique and using artificial means to toughen his kids up and brainwash them into being bad monsters.
Miyagi and Chan, however, teach their students using everyday actions–the sort of things they would naturally have to do as part of their daily activities–chores around the house and even just something as mundane as hanging up a jacket.
The deeper principle is in Jackie Chan’s line: “Everything is Kung Fu.” Or, “Kung Fu is in everything you do.”
Similarly, the social arts aren’t just for attracting women, though many guys only think of it in that narrowest of scopes–”pick up.” The social arts are involved any time you are interacting with another person. Practicing the social arts requires and develops social intelligence and emotional intelligence, which many researchers and experts consider to be far more accurate an indicator of life success than one’s IQ.
Almost all the skills involved in flirting with women are implicated and crossover in the skills required for socializing PERIOD. They are just adapted to a specific context. So actually, if you get good at and continue to improve at socializing in general–which is actually easier for most guys–and in many different and diverse contexts, you will concurrently progress in attracting women. As most PUAs often forget, women are people, too, LOL. Get good with people, and you will naturally get good with women.
Moreover, you will be doing so in a much more sustainable, healthy (read: non-creepy), and effective manner.
This bit of dialogue in the original movie sums it up nicely. Substitute “picking up girls” for “fighting” and “the social arts” for “karate,” and you get the idea:
Let “fighting”=”picking up girls”
Let “karate”=”The Social Arts”
Daniel: Hey - you ever get into fights when you were a kid?
Miyagi: Huh - plenty.
Daniel: Yeah, but it wasn’t like the problem I have, right?
Miyagi: Why? Fighting fighting. Same same.
Daniel: Yeah, but you knew karate.
Miyagi: Someone always know more.
Daniel: You mean there were times when you were scared to fight?
Miyagi: Always scare. Miyagi hate fighting.
Daniel: Yeah, but you like karate.
Miyagi: So?
Daniel: So, karate’s fighting. You train to fight.
Miyagi: That what you think?
Daniel: [pondering] No.
Miyagi: Then why train?
Daniel: [thinks] So I won’t have to fight.
Miyagi: [laughs] Miyagi have hope for you.
Thanks for reading along on my whimsical reflections! David have hope for you LOL Feedback appreciated.
Cheers, Asian Rake David.
The original trailer:
The Keys to Life: Running & Reading
June 23, 2010
Being a big fan of Will Smith for a long time, not just because of his success in acting and music, but because he is also an all-around achiever of dreams, I want to share these with you.
Check out this short clip of Smith’s acceptance speech at the Kid’s Choice Awards. His “two keys to life” are also the “two keys to mastering the social arts.” Simple, yet profound.
1. Running.
As Will Smith says, if you learn how to defeat that little voice when you’re running that says to you, “I’m so tired. It’s too hard. Give up. There’s no way I could possibly continue,” then you will learn how to persevere when things get hard in life. No wonder the clients who progressed the fastest (sometimes reaching their goals after just one or two days) were often also the ones who had excelled in fitness or athletics. Or, their biggest growth spurts in social arts closely correlated with big strides in physical fitness. They withstand the social pressure, defeat the approach anxiety, and persist in the face of setbacks and challenges.
2. Reading.
Considering the accumulated wisdom of all those people who have gone before us, it would be stupid to try to reinvent the wheel every time and not learn from them. There is really no new problem you can have. Nowadays, there are just variations. In the social arts, I am an avid learner. I used to think it was because I was an academic. But no. The clients who improve the quickest are the ones who know how to learn, whether that be from books, movies, audio or DVD programs, in-field observations, or from personal mentoring. They devour all the knowledge they can get their hands on and apply, test, experiment with it themselves in the real world. For some suggestions, see my articles on Required Readings and Excellent Movies for Modeling.
See also this classic collection of Will Smith clips.
Top 10 Tips for Success
June 5, 2010
Quick announcement regarding the Master Your Social Power program next weekend (June 12-13), for which 100% of the profits are going to charity: We have only a couple openings left before we close registration for this program, so if you’re interested, get in touch with us ASAP at: admin “at” asianrake.com
Those who’ve already registered will be receiving their preparation materials in just a few days. You can find more info about the program here.
Top 10 Tips for Success
Over the past several years, I’ve noticed strikingly similar patterns among men who get very good with women very fast. These high performance achievers and their success stories present a stark contrast to the numerous guys all over the world who keep going out every night trying to practice “sarging” and only meet with continual disappointment and discouragement and then give up. I’ve become acquainted with some of these demoralized men in person and over email, and I hope that this article can point out a few things they haven’t done yet, which can help lift them out of their valley of defeat.
In very diverse parts of my life, I’ve also noticed certain commonalities on my way to the successes that I’ve had. If you reflect on your own successes, I’m sure you will notice the same patterns.
I’ve been fortunate in my 33 years on this earth to have had the opportunity, luxury, and resources to pursue various goals and excel at them. I still have many other goals that I am still working towards, and I am looking forward to tackling them one by one.
These top 10 tips for success can be applied across a great diversity of activities, goals, and fields. In my own experience, these same principles were responsible for my excellence in areas as various as academic achievement, music performance, martial arts, fitness and athletics, lifestyle design, and the social arts. So here they are, in no particular order. I originally wrote this to a musician friend.
1. Fundamentals First
This is all about the 80-20 rule (aka., The Pareto Principle).
My saxophone teacher called the fundamentals to sax playing The Three T’s (tone, tonguing, technique). For about 5 years, I spent the first 15-20 minutes of practice time just going over the Three T’s.
In the attraction arts, it’s attitude (inner states), body language, tonality, and eye contact. These alone account for over 90% of getting attraction.
It’s easy to find the fundamentals in every skillful activity. Focus on and master the fundamentals first and foremost.
2. Aim to reach the Critical Mass Point.
I used to think the key was to practice daily, that it was better to work in brief daily sessions than in longer sessions spaced out over time. But I no longer believe that.
Instead, it’s best to wait until you have enough time and energy to devote to building momentum (caveat: though of course it’s better to do even just a little bit every day than wait a month or more before you can set aside a lot of time). The point is to reach the Critical Mass Point, which is the point at which you attain Flow (in the Csikszentmihalyi sense of the term; see his classic book, Flow). It’s like a tipping point or critical mass.
Each kind of activity will have a different Critical Mass Point. For instance, it’s pointless to work out just 10 minutes a day if you’re trying to lose fat (although this is still much better than nothing) because by the time you’ve warmed up, you have to stop, and you haven’t been able to burn any calories.
You can also look at this as the Warm Up. This is obvious in sports and music, but studies have also shown that the brain needs to be warmed up too, for about the same amount of time (10 minutes or so). Warm up for writing can be simply typing out the last page that you already wrote. Or better yet, finish your previous session early without completely finishing off the point, so that in your next session, you can pick up where you left off and just finish the point (i.e., just making the conclusion) before having to embark on developing a whole new point. One important part of this is that in the first 10-15 minutes, expect to go slower and gradually work yourself up to a good pace. Don’t just rush right in.
The same goes for the social arts. Set aside some time at the beginning to get yourself in a social mood. Before you head out the door, review your notes, remind yourself of the sticking points you want to work on, watch some exemplars on DVDs, listen to some tunes to get you in the right state. Then when once you’re out the door, make solid eye contact with friendly looking people and start mini-conversations wherever you go. Chat with the taxi driver, the bellman, the clerk at the 7-11, the people waiting in line with you, the bouncer, and the bartender. Ask innocuous questions of strangers on the street for the time or directions. And then do 2-3 “warm up” interactions just to get your socializing muscles warmed up. Expect to set aside this preparation time to get yourself in the rhythm and build momentum.
3. Get a Private Teacher/Trainer/Coach/Mentor, even if no one else has one.
This made a big difference for me in junior high and high school in music. Even though I went to a high school for the performing arts, surprisingly few of the music students had private, one-on-one teachers. It was mainly because it was relatively expensive and not every family could afford it. I can easily attribute a great deal of my success in music performance to the fact that I had private instruction from the ages of 5-14 in piano and of 12-17 in saxophone.
Even group classes or 2-on-1 won’t cut it. You can learn a lot on your own, just from accessing the internet, DVDs, books, and your peers. But unless you were already naturally gifted to begin with, you will very likely reach a ceiling that no one else you know can get you through. Your teachers and coaches in your team, band, club, or class cannot help you. And this is because at the higher levels, we all have unique sticking points. Probably only less than 1% of people would have that problem. And unless you get individualized, customized, one-on-one feedback from an experienced expert and specialist, you will have an impossible time finding the solution.
For example, I had risen to become one of the best saxophonists in my grade level after just a year and a half of playing on my own and learning from books and from my music class teacher, who was an award-winning and gifted teacher. But then for some strange reason, about 3 out of 10 times, my high D note would just pop up an octave or more, and it would sound like a horrible squeak. I had to play a solo in one of our performances that called for a very loud high D, but I couldn’t nail it because of this bizarre squeaking. I asked everybody I knew and even sought out a private sax teacher at a small music school in the neighborhood, but no one could figure out the problem. This went on for months. It wasn’t until my parents took me to the top music conservatory in the country and to their top saxophone teacher that in literally ten seconds he solved the problem FOREVER. He had me play the note twice, and he immediately diagnosed the problem. It was a mechanical problem that plagued maybe only about 1% of saxophones, and it was easy to fix; you just needed to have an expert eye to diagnose the problem. You better bet I begged my parents to let me take weekly lessons with that guy, even though his rates were the highest in the city. His coaching was instrumental in making me into the best saxophonist of my grade from day one in the performing arts high school, and the best in the entire school by the second year, and arguably one of the top in the country in my age range by the time I graduated from high school.
And it explains a lot of my problems in team sports in junior high and high school. My needs were so unique in soccer and basketball, etc., because of my martial arts background. I did kung-fu since the age of 5 and Tae Kwon-do from the age of 11. I often excelled in activities that others did not, whereas I sucked at certain skills that others took for granted. For example, I made it to the final cut on the junior high soccer team as the goalie, but I kept trying to kick the ball like I was doing Tae Kwondo, haha. And no one ever taught me how to kick a soccer ball properly. I just showed up for try-outs and got through to the final cut purely on my athleticism. Only later, when I was benched basically permane
ntly did I realize that I needed to contact the ball at its lowest point (in other words, drop kick it). This was so simple, and everybody else took this for granted or didn’t every think about it, but I just needed someone to tell me.
In the social arts, it took me about a year and a half of stumbling around trying lots of different styles and getting tons of conflicting advice and information until finally a really gifted coach pointed out how I could best utilize my current personality strengths (cultured, traveled scholar) to craft an attraction style and then work from there. I eventually came to adopt his pedagogical method of customizing the client’s attraction style to his natural strengths.
And I shouldn’t even have to mention the mountain of materials on the importance of mentorships in business and leadership.
Getting personalized, individualized feedback from an expert mentor, coach, or teacher is crucial to mastering any skillful activity.
4. Read/Listen/Watch widely and often to examples of the kind of thing you want to do.
Inundate your mind. Train yourself to see the possibilities and reality differently.
This was especially crucial in music. Whenever I talked to a lot of the top jazz musicians in Toronto, one of their first questions to me was, “What are you listening to nowadays?” This was even before they knew anything else about me. It was crucial to be listening all the time to good examples of the sort of music you wanted to play. Those who listened the most, improved the most.
In social arts, this means watching exemplars in movies, TV, DVDs, etc. See my earlier post on Movies. Also important is reading about the lives and inner worlds of your exemplars. In literature, Robert Greene’s Art of Seduction is a good place to start, as he quotes a lot of the relevant literary works.
5. Small Chunking.
Focus on improving one or two things at a time.
Don’t overwhelm yourself by trying to do too much at one time. Like in music, isolate the few bars that are giving you trouble. Practice those over and over and over until you can nail them perfectly five times in a row. Then move on to the next few bars. Eventually, you can piece everything together and then work on the piece as a whole.
This is the same with everything in life. Divide the task into manageable chunks, and tackle them one by one.
In the social arts, even if your list of sticking points is twenty points long, prioritize them, and then work on them systematically in manageable units. Otherwise, you will become overwhelmed and not master anything.
Also, like Will Smith has said, “I have no idea how people can do more than one thing at a time.” That’s from Will Smith, of all people! This means that if you’re spreading your energies too thinly, you won’t end up mastering or even completing any of them. The most effective route is to focus 90%+ of your energies on just one major goal at a time.
I often have at most three projects running at one time. I have one project that is coming to an end, and I just need to see it through its final stages. I have a second project that I am right in the middle of that is my main focus. And I have a third project that is at a conceptual stage, which I have in the back of my mind as my next main focus. That’s about all my brain can handle at one time and still do a high quality job.
6. Surround Yourself with the Best, even if that means your competition.
Surround yourself with the best. Always seek out advice from those ahead of you. Network fearlessly.
This is the importance of a Mastermind group, which also links up to the tip on getting mentors.
Plenty of academic research in psychology and neuroscience has shown that most human beings are basically programmed by all the stimuli around them, especially what we see, hear, and experience others doing. We literally become like the people we surround ourselves with.
Want to know much a person makes a year? Find their five closest friends and average their incomes. That’s the answer.
Want to know how healthy and fit someone is? Find their five closest friends and average their fitness levels.
Want to know what a person’s aspirations are? Find their five closest friends and…
You get the idea. Of course, this isn’t always literally true. Sometimes you need to average their ten or fifteen closest friends, ha.
Sometimes, you find (or are) an outlier. But notice that if you are way beyond your friends in any major area, you are probably going to feel very lonely and “on your own” in that regard. Outliers often become social loners unless they can find a peer group that challenges them. Much more often the case, though, is that the potential outlier gets dragged down to the average of the group.
Seek out and then surround yourself with the best.
7. Make it a Habit.
Schedule it in. Be consistent. Often just showing up is good enough to get the ball rolling.
With habits, it’s always hardest at the beginning, when you’re still establishing the habit. Once you’ve made the practice a habit, the positive momentum generally carries you along to completion.
8. Repetition. Repetition. Repetition.
Drill and rehearse at home and in your mind. Even visualizing practice over and over is far better than nothing and, in cases of vivid visualization, can be as effective as real-life practice.
Practice in an environment or context as similar as possible to the one in which you expect to perform. This means that if you will be writing your exam on a fold out desk-chair in room 815, study for your exam on a fold out desk-chair in room 815. Simulate the conditions as closely as possible.
This also touches on Gladwell’s 10,000 hour rule.
9. Get Wide Exposure to Diverse Reference Experiences.
In the social arts, get experience socializing with different types of people. It’s natural for us to get along with those very similar to us, but try winning over people from diverse walks of life with backgrounds very different from yours. Try different venues and contexts.
Travel widely and get broader viewpoints on people and life. These fresh perspectives are often what trigger originality.
10. Focus on the process as much as the goal.
Lose yourself in the moment, in the activity. This is related to achieving Flow. When practicing a passage of music, don’t think about how the whole ten-minute piece will sound, just focus on getting the passage right. When approaching the basket, don’t think about winning the game, just focus on your shot and that particular play. When writing, just focus on the process (what you’re writing right then) without thinking about what the whole thirty-page paper will read like. When socializing, quit wondering whether people like you or not, and instead focus on enjoying yourself and making other people have fun.
Feedback appreciated!
Play on, David
How to Get Fit in 3 Months: The V-shape as Universally Attractive
May 28, 2010
It’s quite common to hear that women like guys who are good-looking, which usually includes a chiseled body and ripped abs. Well, despite the subject of this post, you don’t need to be good-looking to get great results with women. I was doing very well with women BEFORE I got a 6-pack. So don’t let this article mislead you into thinking that if you get your dream body, you’ll get your dream woman
The academic research on this is almost unanimous: Physical attractiveness in males is actually quite low on females’ attraction hierarchy. It will get you a foot in the door and help you with the opening stage, but if you don’t have the personality to back it up, you won’t get anywhere. Much more important are aspects of your personality and access to resources.
Nonetheless, when I finally got close to my ideal shape and achieved my fitness goals, I became more self-confident, self-assured, and happy with my life! So in addition to all the health and psychological benefits that come with getting fit, it will also strengthen those personality traits, like self-confidence and self-sufficiency, that will make you much more attractive to women. And the great thing about fitness is that anyone can get it with hard work and persistence. You don’t need cosmetic surgery.
Getting fit is all about increasing your passive value through leading an attractive lifestyle. It’s not a quick fix, like learning some canned lines or routines. It’s about lasting change.
In 2007, I was a skinny Asian boy. Well, skinny everywhere except my beer belly (I love craft beers and microbrews, heh). But I was still doing really well with the ladies and getting better. By the autumn of 07, I had some spare time on my hands, so I decided to hire a personal trainer in my gym in Beijing. That was one of the best decisions of my life (not to mention an amazing value at just RMB100/hour; now he is charging RMB700+/hour). Not only did I make a good friend of a northern Chinese hulk who sometimes acted like my bodyguard in bars and clubs, but I also got my first introduction to what a real workout feels like, the kind where you’re really ripping muscle, where you really need a spotter so that you can (barely) finish the last few (or several) reps or sets, where you’re completely exhausted at the end, and where you see significant growth week to week. I was finally getting compliments from girls on my body on a regular basis. I had been doing weight training since I was 14, but only when I was 31 did I realize that I hadn’t been pushing myself hard enough so hadn’t seen any major growth.
I trained with my personal trainer in Beijing for about 5 months, spread out over a period of about 9 months. But then I moved to Singapore where everything was more expensive and wasn’t as great of a value from what I could see. I had a great trainer in China, and it was hard to replace him. So I just coasted for over a year.
Then on a challenge from a friend in Shanghai, I started P90X. Below is a review of this remarkable fitness workout. You can read more about it here. Notice that this is NOT an affiliate link. I make no commission at all from this review. I’m just spreading the word on a very effective workout program for your benefit. I originally wrote this review in mid-December, when I had just finished the first round of P90X.
Be warned, though. P90X is tough. It takes discipline, perseverance, and a hard-working attitude–all traits that will stand you in good stead when you are training in the social arts, too! I know some ex-marines and even a navy seal who say this fitness program is as rigorous in physical conditioning as they’ve had to do. I’m sure that’s exaggerated, but you get the idea. Prior to this, I looked into the stuff from Body by Science, which didn’t do much for me (though a friend of mine swears by this), and Insanity, which is by the same company but is all cardio.
THE REVIEW
Overall, I’ve been super impressed with P90X. Not only was it a great workout routine, but it has rekindled in me a love of physical sport and fitness. It is a lifestyle change. I actually am doing sports again, haha. I’ve got a private trainer in Krav Maga and getting in the cage every week. I’m doing punching bag workouts regularly. I’m also even occasionally playing sports with the guys on the weekends. When I’m stressed out about work or just plain hungover, my favorite remedy now is to do a round of Yoga X or Kenpo Cardio X. Amazing. Whereas I got pretty good results in the past from 1.5 hour workouts 3 times a week, now I’m spacing them out over 6 days, and getting many times more endorphins and better, quantifiable results.
In terms of measurements, I was mainly concerned to cut my body fat percentage and improve my shoulders to waist ratio (the ideal is 0.75 or below), which are the only proven metrics tracking the factors that attract women universally.
Throughout history and between different cultures and places, what women found physically attractive in men varied a great deal. This is even more so in the case of what men found physically attractive in women. And so far, the only feature, apart from a symmetrical face, that social scientists have found to be universally attractive across places, times, and cultures is the shoulders to waist ratio in men (0.75) and the hips to waist ratio in women (0.7). The research on this is relatively easy to find. Body fat percentage is closely related to one’s shoulder to waist ratio.
Technically, the research at Cambridge cited here used two-dimensional representations and measured the shoulder to waist ratio (SWR) as straight lines rather than as typical tailor’s measurements (Dixson, et. al., “Masculine Somatype and Hirsuteness as Determinants of Sexual Attractiveness to Women,” Archives of Sexual Behavior 2003, 32.1; see also Braun and Bryan, “Female waist-to-hip and male waist-to-shoulder ratios as determinants of romantic partner desirability,” Journal of Social and Personal Relationships 2006, 23.5). Using that method, the optimal SWR was 0.6. On that measuring method, my Post-P90X measurements are 28 cm at the waist and 47 cm at the shoulders, which yields a ratio of 0.596. Assuming my body proportions are normal, then a ratio of 0.6 on the straight line measurement method is approximately equivalent to a ratio of 0.71 on the tailor’s measurement method. I owe a huge thanks to FSH for alerting me to this at the recent MYSP program.
The good news about the 0.75 ratio is that you don’t have to get huge muscles to look attractive. You can still be relatively thin and have the girls loving your body, as long you have the right waist to shoulders ratio and some muscle tone.
Here are my before and after stats on those metrics. Keep in mind that I was 33 years old when I was doing this, and I got in the best shape of my life.
Body fat percentage (measured on same machine)
Before: 17%
After: 8.2%
Waist
Before: 82 cm (32 in)
After: 74 cm (29 in)
Shoulders
Before: 101 cm (39.8 in)
After: 104 cm (41 in)
Shoulders to waist ratio (goal was 0.75)
Before: 0.81
After: 0.71
I also lost 6.5 pounds or 3 kg (I was about 67 kg in the “after” pic).
For comparison purposes, the photos are a little misleading as the lighting and distance distort the effect somewhat. But you get the basic idea.
Reflections
I took one week off because of a bad flu. I also missed a day here and there because of travel and other things. But I never did the workouts out of sequence. I never skipped a workout in that sense. I would just postpone it until I could start up again. It took me about 103 days to finish the 90 day calendar. I always did the Ab-Ripper X right after the resistance workout (no break of more than 5 minutes in between the resistance workout and the ab workout).
I followed my own diet, which was very consistent.
The bare bones DIET was the following:
Breakfast was a Muscle Milk (160 calories, 16 gm of protein, also some fiber, carbs, and good fats–google it for the details) or something equivalent, with a Mega Men multivitamin. I’d also have another meal during the day of two servings of Muscle Milk spaced out over two hours. Right after the workout and a half hour before bed, I’d have a protein shake (20-24 gm of protein, ~160 calories). I’ve since changed to taking just one Muscle Milk a day for breakfast and having a solid meal instead of the two additional Muscle Milk servings.
Within an hour of the workout–during that crucial glycemic window–I’d have a solid meal of high protein, low carb, low fat. For my solid meals, I chose one of: spinach and chicken salads, soups (tomato basil from Soup Spoon was my favorite), yong tau foo with no noodles (Singaporean boiled vegetables and tofu), or sashimi. In the second month, I ate sashimi almost every day until I became sick of it
I aimed to get 150 grams of protein six days a week while keeping the carbs to a minimum. No bread, rice, or noodles.
My snacks were limited to nuts (mainly almonds or cashews) and yogurt.
One day a week, I binged on anything I wanted: Dark chocolate, burgers, pizza, fries, gelato, ice kachang, hotel buffets, whatever. This spiked my metabolism to keep it high. It was also something I could look forward to every week. I first read about this strategy from Tim Ferriss. Worked great!
A brief note on taking protein shakes: I’m shocked at how many times I see guys fill up their shakers to the top with milk and add one scoop of protein powder, and then call that one serving. That’s 20 oz. of milk! No wonder they’re having such a hard time getting their protein.
Except for extenuating circumstances, read the instructions on the label and follow them, which for most protein powders means that you mix one scoop (20-24 grams of whey protein) with 4-6 oz. of water. That’s about two shooters. I usually down my protein drinks in a few gulps and barely taste it.
Also, the most optimum time to get your protein intake, indeed any nutritional intake, is about an hour after your workout. In comparison, taking protein at any other time is almost a waste. The next best times are a half hour before the workout and before you go to bed.
THE GOOD
The pace of all the exercises was intense. Tony Horton is unbelievably upbeat, funny in a quirky way, and an excellent motivator.
The muscle confusion here was key. I could literally feel my body plateau at the end of the third week, which is right when P90X changed things up.
The resistance days are like circuit training. You only get 30 seconds rest between sets, and a 1 minute rest in the middle of the hour. This really makes you sweat. I had never sweat so much during a weights workout. This also meant I had to lift lighter than I was before I started, but by the third month, I was lifting heavier than before. After a P90X resistance workout, I was sweating as much as I would running 30 minutes on the treadmill. I ended up burning fat AND building muscle at the same time. Also, you’re never doing the same exercise twice in a row. Tons of variety here. I don’t think I could ever go back to traditional weight lifting again. There are just too many bulk heads in the gyms with big bellies and too much fat.
The biggest surprise was Yoga X, which for the first month made me sweat as much as running 30 minutes on the treadmill. It was nothing like the Yoga that my ex-girlfriend used to do in front of the TV. Some of the poses were extreme, and I couldn’t hold the last third of the lunge poses until the second month. As with all the routines, you can always modify the exercises to make them harder. Sometimes, I skipped the balance postures and stretches to save time. I love the part where Tony says to one of the other guys, “Drop down in your stance. This is Yoga X, my brother. If you’re dogging it, I want you down in it.” The “Yoga Belly seven times” exercise was crucial for working the abs during the recovery weeks. Now I do Yoga for the endorphins, flexibility, and to burn calories!
The legs workouts are phenomenal. I hardly used to work my legs before, which annoyed my trainer. I’d do 3-4 sets of squats once a week and that would be my entire legs workout. I was more about the glamor muscles. But with P90X, I work legs in Plyometrics X (tons of squats), Yoga X (all the lunges), Kenpo X (lots of kicking), and most of all, in Legs and Back X. It turns out that working the legs makes you burn three times more calories than any other parts of the body. So this was a huge factor in the fat burning. Now, I always make sure I do a full legs workout with weights at least once a week.
The diet was even more crucial than the workouts. I’d say DIET accounts for 60-70%, WORKOUTS 20-30%, and getting 8 or more hours of SLEEP every night accounts for the rest, at least that was the way it seemed to me whenever I adjusted any one of the variables.
THE BAD (or “stuff I’d change”)
1. The chest workouts in P90X are mainly variations on push-ups. You can do push-ups forever but you won’t get big muscles that way. Midway through the second month, I started substituting my own chest workouts with barbells, dumbells, and machines in place of all the pushups. Before I did this, my chest had actually shrunk a centimeter from my original measurement.
2. I did the aerobics exercises in my living room, so I did not wear shoes (in Asia, it is wrong to wear outdoor shoes inside the house). So I was doing Plyometrics X in socks and on the yoga mat and on my rug. After a few months of this, the high impact exercises really wore out my ankles and knees. After I busted my left knee and left ankle (unrelated accidents), I took as much of the high impact out as possible. But then I wasn’t able to get as much out of it as before. If I continue with Plyometrics or Insanity (which uses a lot of plyo training), I’d have to buy gym shoes I only wear inside the house.
Overall, I absolutely loved this and got a lot for my investment of time and money. Tony Horton basically becomes your personal trainer, and he really is a gifted motivator.
If you’re outside North America, you can buy it on ebay. I saw the complete set recently for sale from a Shanghai ebay seller for about US$45.
I’ve since done P90X Plus, which has even better cardio workouts–Kenpo Cardio X and Intervals X Plus. And they are only 40 minutes long!
So there you have it. Just an hour a day, 6 times a week. That six pack was one of the best gifts I’ve ever given to myself. Many people waste an hour a day surfing the internet. Use your time wisely. How badly do you want it? It’s time to man up! 
MASTER YOUR SOCIAL POWER, June 12-13
May 9, 2010
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As featured in:
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The lifestyle coach and dating consultant whom the Asian media has dubbed, Asia’s “Hitch”—aka., Singapore’s Dr. Date (The Asian Rake)—is back for a one-time only exclusive charity event on June 12-13, 2010!
Have you seen your ideal woman walk by the Starbucks or shopping mall, but you had no idea how to even approach her, so you watched her disappear from your life forever?
Have you bought a Porsche or Ferrari just to get girls, and then wondered why women will agree to have dinners with you but still give you the dreaded “Let’s Just Be Friends” speech at the end?
Have you been spending $1000 a night on bottles and club tables hoping to impress the ladies but still find yourself home alone at the end of the night?
Do you want to achieve mastery of your social life? Do you want to acquire the power of charming the woman of your dreams whenever and wherever you might see her?
Social intelligence and charisma are things you can learn and develop. Join us for just one weekend, and we will transform your dating and love life forever.
Do yourself a favor.
Get it done.
Get it handled.
In 2007, I became a lifestyle coach and dating consultant, getting all my clients through word of mouth. After arriving in Singapore in August 08, I was fortunate enough, via various media coverage, to raise the profile of social coaching and bring it to popular awareness in Asia. As the original dating consultant and coach in Asia, I was dubbed by the local media as Asia’s “Hitch.” But not long after, I took a writing sabbatical, which I’ve been on for a while now.
In the vacuum generated, plenty of wannabes and copycats have sprung up in Singapore and the surrounding region, offering very low value and practically ripping off their students.
Unlike the fly-by-night pretenders, I’ve dated amazing women across the globe. In just the past 5 years, I’ve lived as a resident (not a transient tourist) in 4 countries on 3 continents. Born in Taiwan, raised in North America, and now having lived or worked in many parts of Asia for over 15 years, I have succeeded at the highest levels of academic study of Asian culture, with awards and fellowships from Harvard, Princeton, Michigan, Toronto, McGill, as well as national fellowship and research foundations.
I bring you real world experience and expertise in all these diverse dating contexts from East to West. I’ve personally helped well over a hundred clients in a dozen countries, in both English and Chinese, realize their dreams in dating and relationships. What I teach works, whether you’re in Singapore, Hong Kong, or New York City.
And I will take this lifetime of expertise and training and sum it up for you in ONE WEEKEND so that you will learn only what you need to know to master your social life. This is the real deal.
While I’m still on my writing sabbatical, I have decided to come back for this one occasion to help out for a worthy cause. This is a one-time event, so get in on the opportunity while seats are still available.
For one weekend only, I will be offering our newest program, Master Your Social Power, from June 12-13, 2010, right here in sunny Singapore!
Master Your Social Power was developed with the Asian, and specifically Singaporean, context in mind, and the course content is full of localized knowledge imparted directly to you.
“David Tian, the renowned Asian Rake, is as intelligent as he is charming. He makes you feel at ease just being around him, which makes you wonder how quickly and comfortably he makes women melt. It’s a pleasure to meet a fellow dating coach who is so passionate about helping his clients to meet the women of their dreams.”
–Jeremy Soul, creator of the Love Systems Day Game Workshop and Chief Day Game Instructor at Love Systems
Unprecedented in the history of the attraction community, 100% of the net profits from this event will go completely to charity!
When I say I don’t coach for the money, I really mean it. But I also know the basic fact of human psychology that people only value what they invest time and effort into. So what better solution than to donate all program fees entirely to a worthy cause?
100% of the proceeds will go to ONE (SINGAPORE), which is dedicated to raising public awareness and taking concrete steps to make poverty a relic of the past. You can find out more about this action-oriented, broad-minded beneficiary here: www.onesingapore.org
ONE (SINGAPORE) will keep a portion of the donations for its general campaign and give the rest to the Emergency Fund of the Evercare Welfare Centre, a locally registered charity that serves over 200 low-income families and elderly folks. The Emergency Fund supports individuals who fall through the cracks of public welfare services and programmes.
Despite the glitz and glamour often on display in downtown Singapore, the income disparity is huge and growing. There is a sizable poor population that is in dire need right here in Singapore. And even worse off are the elderly poor. This emergency fund from Evercare Welfare Centre was set up to help them quickly, directly, and efficiently.
I am really really excited at this opportunity to give back to our local community!
“The Asian Rake [David] is truly insightful—a world traveler, a scholar, enlightened and brilliant and charming. He’s got wild stories of his travels through North America and the Orient, and he talks with rapture about dangerous attempts of criminals trying to rob or extort him. A renaissance man, if you will, who is knowledgeable about history and art but dresses in sharp, tailored, high fashion. He combines power and charm. If you met him, you’d like him.”
-Sebastian Drake, founder of The Approach and co-founder of Master the Vibe
Previously, my services were available purely by referral. Since I don’t do this for the money, I can be very selective about the clients that I accept. I only take on guys who have healthy attitudes toward themselves, women, and the world, and who are disciplined, focused, and ready to do what it takes to master this part of their lives.
Hey look, I’m not a professional marketer or anything, so I’m just going to tell you the truth, straight up.
This isn’t for everyone. You’ve got to be open-minded and ready to do whatever it takes to transform into your charismatic, confident, and seductive self.
Being attractive to women is not something you do. It’s something you are. I commit myself completely to changing you into your ideal man.
Working with what you already naturally have is the most efficient and effective way to do this. I will help you eliminate the negative and accentuate the positive parts of your present personality.
This is truly GENUINE and NATURAL.
“I knew years ago that David [The Asian Rake] had the potential to reach the level of the top gurus and even beyond. And now he’s fulfilled all that and more! With all his unique experiences and skills, he is totally going to dominate.”
-Christian Hudson, founder of The Social Man and Hidden Mic Pickups, co-founder of Charisma Arts
“The Asian Rake [David] acts without hesitation or ego, constantly trends upwards, never succumbs to “settling” after getting success, gives a hell of a lot back sharing thoughts with me and other key people, and has a hell of a lot of other interesting stuff to talk about—stories about beating up Yakuza, the Chinese underworld, education, and of course, all the women…”
-Sebastian Drake, founder of The Approach and co-founder of Master the Vibe
My goal is NOT to teach guys how to get random hook-ups. If that’s what you’re looking for, go elsewhere.
However, if you want to attract, date, and enjoy meaningful and fulfilling relationships with the kind of women who will really satisfy you, then keep reading because you’ve come to the right place.
If you sign up to learn directly from me, you will get my unvarnished assessment of where you’re at and what you need to do to get to the next level.
You WILL learn proven, real-world dating strategies. And you WILL learn how to produce long-lasting results with deep internal transformations in how you think about yourself, others, and the world. And of course, you WILL learn how to get your dream woman.
MASTER YOUR SOCIAL POWER
Our Master Your Social Power program is for men who are ready to take real steps to master this part of their lives.
The weekend curriculum includes two full days of hands-on lessons, seminars, exercises, drills, and role-plays. There will also be plenty of break-out time for small group and individual consultations and feedback.
Starting on Saturday, we’ll discuss everything from how to open, how to vibe, how to create connections, how to take things beyond the platonic, how to have the perfect date, and more. Sunday will cover everything from building an attractive lifestyle that naturally draws in desirable women, developing high value social circles, succeeding in long-term relationships, and much much more before wrapping up with important take-home lessons for lasting improvement and progress.
We will customize the exact course content to fit the clients’ individual needs. The sessions will generally go from 2PM-8PM each day with a refreshment break in between.
You may also get coaching from guest instructors and some of my beautiful female friends, who provide a woman’s first-hand perspective.
Your program fee also includes follow-up support that will help you and me track and guide your progress over the ensuing weeks and months.
Here’s what some of my former students have said:
“The Asian Rake [David] is intelligent, focused, and really confident. A nice guy and successful man. And he’s freaking awesome with women! His suggestions and his focus on how he teaches is spot on. His analysis is quick and his application of the solution even faster.” -Kevin, Singapore
“I couldn’t believe how he kept up coming up with things to talk about. He was winging me. I ran out of conversation points about 20 minutes in. But The Asian Rake [David] was able to riff off things and keep cycling through the most no-brain stuff, but it was damn beautiful. Meanwhile, he was escalating like crazy. There are many guys who get into the community and are peevish, selfish, and petty. But the best teachers are altruistic - willing to share their knowledge and experience. The Asian Rake definitely has the right stuff in that regard.” -Mike, Beijing
“The Asian Rake [David] as a person and his program exceeded my expectations. He is a good teacher and a true dating guru. He was fun and professional. By seeing the Rake in action I was amazed how far a person can push interactions within seconds of meeting someone. By watching him in action I saw what could be done.” -Darren, Shanghai
I don’t need the money. I’m offering this because I truly derive a lot of satisfaction and pleasure from seeing people transform their lives for the better and find their way to true contentment and happiness. And together, we can contribute to a worthy cause!
We all know from social psychology about the importance of compliance. People only value things that require effort and investment. I’ve coached a lot of guys for free in the past and have seen too many of them waste their and my time.
Some well known companies are charging USD$4000 and USD$3000 for their cookie-cutter, large group weekend workshops, and they have virtually no knowledge of Asian culture and almost zero experience in Asia with Asian women.
I am offering you my highly specialized services, which you cannot find anywhere else, at a true bargain and with a 100% full money-back guarantee.
The location and course details will be sent to you once you have been accepted into the program and made your deposit.
Act fast, as we’ve already sold some seats, and space is very limited.
For registration and for further queries, contact us: admin “at” asianrake.com
All of this comes with a 100% full refund guarantee. When the program is over, if you don’t feel it was worth every cent, you get your money back. I’ve taken away all the risk. I’m absolutely certain that what I offer will help you immensely, but don’t take my word for it, come and check it out yourself, and get your full refund if it isn’t something that will change your life for the better. You’ve got nothing to lose here and everything to gain.
This is a one-time event. I’m not joking. I’m just coming out of my sabbatical for this weekend only to help out with this very worthy cause. And act fast because seats are limited and some were sold even before this announcement!
All of the net profits will go directly to ONE (SINGAPORE) and the Evercare Welfare Centre’s Emergency Fund.
Get better with women, and at the same time, help make the world a better place!
Do yourself a favor.
Get it done.
Get it handled.
Comic relief for the holiday season
December 27, 2009
Merry Christmas to you and your loved ones!
On a totally unrelated note, I thought you’d appreciate seeing this hilarious clip by Russell Brand, a renowned rake himself. I especially like the part where he reads out the hate mail people send to him. Puts mine in perspective, LOL. Enjoy!
Fight Club, Asian Style
December 22, 2009
After ripping a bit on Rain in my last post, I found this video of him training for Ninja Assassin. Kickin’ ass! Well, at least his trainers, stuntmen, and choreographers were. Rain wasn’t too bad. See for yourself. The best parts start about two minutes in.
Megan Fox is Hot for Korean Rain
December 21, 2009
Merry Christmas!
I’ve been crazy busy lately with lots of long-distance traveling and work on the writing projects. It looks like I’ll be getting a white Xmas, though 
Just thought I’d share a brief interview clip of Megan Fox in Korea and her confession about her crush over Korean pop, TV, and movie star, Rain. Maybe this will encourage you Asian guys who still have insecurities about whether non-Asian girls could ever desire you.
Btw, all the bullcrap in his Korean PR for his Ninja Assassin film about how he attained 0% bodyfat and “effortlessly lifting 100kg dumbbells” is just ridiculous. Perhaps something was lost in translation, but if he were 0% bodyfat, he would be dead. My estimate based on the photos is around 8-10%. They have released a photo of him not-so-effortlessly curling what looks like a 20 kg dumbell, LOL. I guess they just assume that Asians in Asia don’t know enough about fitness and sport to understand what those numbers mean, ha. Unfortunately, he’s yet another Asian guy in a martial arts movie playing a largely asexual character. Things haven’t changed that much yet.
Happy holidays!
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