How much Social Comfort is there in Singapore?
August 12, 2010
Living in Singapore for over two years, what has struck me as probably the most salient trait of Singaporean people in general, and young men in particular, is the lack of social comfort and the prevalence of social anxiety. And this is directly related to their general inability to approach or date women outside their insular social circles.
See this recent article by world renowned humanist scholar, Martha C. Nussbaum, professor of law and philosophy at the University of Chicago: The Ugly Models
An excerpt: “It is time to take off the rose-colored glasses. Singapore and China are terrible models of education for any nation that aspires to remain a pluralistic democracy. They have not succeeded on their own business-oriented terms, and they have energetically suppressed imagination and analysis when it comes to the future of the nation and the tough choices that lie before it.“
Also see this eye-opening article on “academic freedom” and creativity in Singapore.
Interesting excerpts:
“Self-censorship has made people afraid,” Singh says, referring to the tendency in Singapore to watch what one says for fear of causing offence or breaking the law.
“It is important for them to be bold, brave and robust.”
So Singh makes his students do what they fear most: take chances. For class projects, men have gone shopping dressed as women. Students have stopped strangers to ask for spare change or to ask them to exchange clothes. Such antics would hardly be worthy of a fraternity initiation, but in this conservative society they have made headlines. Indeed, in the early days of the class, the projects required a police permit.
…
Linda M. Perry, an American who has been teaching communications at the National University of Singapore for two years, says high-profile cases have persuaded people to censor themselves. Everyone is so terrified of crossing the line that most don’t even get close to it.
Perry is quick to acknowledge that no restrictions have been placed on her. There is no official list of topics she is not allowed to raise. Yet she knows exactly when she has crossed an OB marker. Something as innocuous as a discussion about the recent arrest of two bloggers, who were jailed for making racial slurs, caused a roomful of 200 people to freeze up, Perry says. Students later half-joked with her that she would find her things packed when she returned to her apartment.
“I can feel the fear in the room,” says Perry, who says she plans not to return to Singapore when her contract runs out next year. “You can cut it with a knife.”
Most Singaporeans don’t seem all that unhappy with the restrictions. For the past four decades, the ruling People’s Action Party has delivered stunning economic growth. What was once a malaria-ridden colonial outpost on the equator now has one of the highest standards of living in the world. While its neighbours are dragged down by poverty and ethnic strife, Singapore is an oasis of racial and religious stability. As long as the Government continues to deliver steady gains, observers say most people will accept the restrictions on what they can say and what they can publish.
Yet Shanmugaratnam is concerned that Singapore’s successes have produced a generation of young people who are apathetic.
Food for thought.
The good news is that, as SMU prof Kirpal Singh has discovered, social anxiety can be conquered and social comfort can be cultivated. Check back here later as I explain how to do it.
Cheers, Asian Rake David
Success: How Much Do You Want It?
July 25, 2010
“Most of you won’t be successful because when you get tired or when it gets hard, you quit… Don’t cry to give up. Cry to keep going.” –Eric Thomas
As true in athletics, arts, academics, and business as it is in the social arts.
Thanks to Angel Caido and Mr. M for sending along this video.
The Social Arts according to “The Karate Kid”: 3 Major Lessons
July 5, 2010
When I saw the remake of the cult classic, The Karate Kid, a couple weeks ago, I was reminded of why the original movie was so often mentioned in self-improvement circles and why that rake Nick Sparks was unashamed to pronounce that he is this movie’s number one fan, lol.
Both the original and the 2010 remake, starring Jackie Chan and Jaden Smith (son of Will Smith and Jada Pinkett-Smith), hold a lot of lessons for guys who are learning the social arts. Why not use pop culture–stuff guys are already watching–to teach higher level principles, which are usually expressed in a recondite and overly abstract manner, and to present them in a more accessible format? Haha, this is a fun article I’ve been meaning to do for a while actually, even before the remake came out.
If you haven’t seen the 2010 remake yet, I highly recommend it. The portrayal of Beijing and the mountain monasteries in China is not as romanticized as most Hollywood depictions, though the most modernized and glitziest parts of Beijing never figured in any of the scenes.
The 2010 remake trailer:
Yes. Indulge me for a minute 
3 Lessons
1. Check Your Preconceptions at the Door, and Start from Scratch
Early in the movie, we see Jaden Smith’s character (I forgot the character’s name, so I’m just going to refer to him as Jaden) trying to learn martial arts from DVDs. Jackie Chan’s character (again, forgot the character’s name, so will refer to him as Chan) sees this while fixing something in Jaden’s apartment and realizes that there is very little chance Jaden will be able to learn martial arts from DVDs.
Well, ya gotta start somewhere. And as most guys out there, I too had my introduction from paperbacks, ebooks, audio programs, and DVDs. But I was fortunate enough to have real life mentors early on–guys like Christian Hudson and Sebastian Drake–guide me in person. Otherwise, I would have been stuck like Jaden or Daniel-san, trying to learn from a TV screen.
Later, when Jaden went to his first kung-fu lesson by Chan, the first thing Jaden did was to explain to Chan that he already knew some fighting moves and was naturally athletic, so he “wasn’t as bad as the average guy,” and that “it would be easier to teach him than to teach the average kid off the street.” Jaden proceeded to (try to) demonstrate some of what he could do and ended up making a mess, breaking Chan’s vase.
Instead of acknowledging any current abilities that Jaden might have already had, Chan ignored Jaden’s ego-protecting attempts at self-qualification and set for him the mundane task of having Jaden throw down and then hang up his jacket over and over and over for nights in a row. At the time, Jaden thought that Chan was trying to punish him for his bad attitude (related to an earlier scene involving Smith’s mother) and did not think Chan was teaching him anything about kung-fu.
As I recall, in the original movie, Mr. Miyagi had to ignore Daniel-san’s tendency to think he already knew what he was doing and to force Daniel to learn from the ground up, from scratch. He had to do this even when Daniel progressed to the level of punching with gloves and protective gear.
When it comes to working with an experienced personal coach on an individual basis, don’t worry about making sure the coach knows what you can already do. If he’s an experienced, competent coach, he will be able to figure out for himself pretty quickly how good you are. Master coaches and even some naturals can tell within a few minutes how good a guy is with women. And if he needs any further information, he will know the right questions to ask. You don’t have to offer any explanations. In fact, the guys who waste time continually telling the trainers how good they already are (or were) and relating lengthy stories that were unsolicited are usually guys whose attitudes make them unteachable.
Often, students have to spend an initial period UNLEARNING all the mish mash of jumbled misconceptions and misinterpretations before they can actually understand and apply the correct stuff.
So instead, approach the learning with an open mind, and leave your preconceived notions at the door. Try to do exactly as your trainer instructs you FIRST before you start trying to think of reasons why it won’t work or devising “what if” scenarios. Otherwise, you will just be wasting your and their time. Try out their suggestions first, and give them a fair try. Only then come back for reflection and refinement.
As Miyagi said, to Daniel: “We make sacred pact. I promise teach karate to you. You promise learn. I say. You do. No questions.”
2. Be Patient with Progress; the “Why” Will Become Clear over Time
Master teachers know that if the student’s mindset is just as, if not more, important than the technique. That’s why Chan didn’t tell Jaden why he had him throw down and hang up his jacket over and over, and why Mr. Miyagi did not first tell Daniel-san why he had him wax his car, paint his fence, and sand his floor.
When kids want to learn martial arts, it’s often because they want to know how to fight. But that’s not really what’s best for them in the long run. The bad teachers in The Karate Kid movies just give the kids what they want (partly because that’s what the instructors are after, too): violence and aggression. But the real masters know that true mastery of any skillful activity in life necessitates and generates a higher outlook and greater purpose.
In the social arts, a lot of guys start out just wanting to bed a lot of girls with perhaps a very distant long-term goal of settling down with one or many long-term relationships or a spouse. Their immediate focus is on getting more and more sex–same night lays, faster and faster seductions, models and bottles, orgies galore–and that’s what a lot of the PUA marketing sells them. But the true masters know that these short-term gratifications will never result in any kind of lasting happiness or even contentment.
But they also know that most students aren’t ready to understand this.
So instead of trying to persuade them, a good coach might mislead or keep the student guessing as to the exact reason or greater purpose behind the lesson, at least until the student is ready to understand.
Most guys don’t really understand just how important are Body Language, Tonality, Eye Contact, and Mental States. They are far more important than verbal material or lines. Students often don’t really understand why they have to spend over 80% of their time working on and monitoring their posture; the way they stand, sit, move, walk, chew, talk; how they look into other people’s eyes; and why they have to do Visualizations and Affirmations daily; and most importantly, that they should focus mainly only on 3 things when they’re socializing: Having Fun; Making Other People Have Fun; and Making Connections.
Instead, they keep thinking their problem is that they don’t know what to say. It’s like those guys who think their problem is they don’t know how to punch and keep wanting to learn how to punch.
Daniel: When do I learn how to punch?
Miyagi: Better learn balance. Balance is key. Balance good, karate good. Everything good. Balance bad, better pack up, go home. Understand?
…
Daniel: [practicing blocks in Mr. Miyagi's boat] When am I gonna learn how to punch?
Miyagi: Learn how punch, after you learn how keep dry! [rocks boat, throwing Daniel into the water]
…
For instance, sometimes, what a guy most needs is to conquer his approach anxiety. But because of his crippling fear, he can’t tackle the problem head on by doing a ton of cold approaches. So instead, the coach tricks him into thinking he’s doing something else other than approaching–doing social freedom exercises like small talk with harmless strangers or doing crazy stunts on the street–and then eases the student into raising the bar to small talk with cute girls, bypassing the anxiety triggers.
This is the “boiling the frog” method.
3. The Social Arts are in Everything; Start with What You Naturally Do
Probably the most obvious parallel between The Karate Kid and debates in the social arts is in the natural vs. canned issue.
I doubt I need to explain this. It should be obvious.
The bad karate teacher is all about ruthless technique and using artificial means to toughen his kids up and brainwash them into being bad monsters.
Miyagi and Chan, however, teach their students using everyday actions–the sort of things they would naturally have to do as part of their daily activities–chores around the house and even just something as mundane as hanging up a jacket.
The deeper principle is in Jackie Chan’s line: “Everything is Kung Fu.” Or, “Kung Fu is in everything you do.”
Similarly, the social arts aren’t just for attracting women, though many guys only think of it in that narrowest of scopes–”pick up.” The social arts are involved any time you are interacting with another person. Practicing the social arts requires and develops social intelligence and emotional intelligence, which many researchers and experts consider to be far more accurate an indicator of life success than one’s IQ.
Almost all the skills involved in flirting with women are implicated and crossover in the skills required for socializing PERIOD. They are just adapted to a specific context. So actually, if you get good at and continue to improve at socializing in general–which is actually easier for most guys–and in many different and diverse contexts, you will concurrently progress in attracting women. As most PUAs often forget, women are people, too, LOL. Get good with people, and you will naturally get good with women.
Moreover, you will be doing so in a much more sustainable, healthy (read: non-creepy), and effective manner.
This bit of dialogue in the original movie sums it up nicely. Substitute “picking up girls” for “fighting” and “the social arts” for “karate,” and you get the idea:
Let “fighting”=”picking up girls”
Let “karate”=”The Social Arts”
Daniel: Hey - you ever get into fights when you were a kid?
Miyagi: Huh - plenty.
Daniel: Yeah, but it wasn’t like the problem I have, right?
Miyagi: Why? Fighting fighting. Same same.
Daniel: Yeah, but you knew karate.
Miyagi: Someone always know more.
Daniel: You mean there were times when you were scared to fight?
Miyagi: Always scare. Miyagi hate fighting.
Daniel: Yeah, but you like karate.
Miyagi: So?
Daniel: So, karate’s fighting. You train to fight.
Miyagi: That what you think?
Daniel: [pondering] No.
Miyagi: Then why train?
Daniel: [thinks] So I won’t have to fight.
Miyagi: [laughs] Miyagi have hope for you.
Thanks for reading along on my whimsical reflections! David have hope for you LOL Feedback appreciated.
Cheers, Asian Rake David.
The original trailer:
“What do you think of pick up artists?” Singapore TV Interview Finally Uploaded
May 3, 2010
Wow, has it been a long time or what?! I truly appreciate your patience, as I continue with my writing sabbatical. Two major resources that have helped me along in the “art” and “work” of writing have been Seth Godin’s Linchpin and Steven Pressfield’s The War of Art. Both very highly recommended. This year will bring some major changes, which we are currently gearing up for, so keep checking back for the latest. Or better yet, sign up for my mailing list in the top right corner.
I’m going to be making a very big announcement by the end of the week, too, so stay tuned for that!
In the meantime, a friend uploaded the second half of my Razor TV interview (further split into two segments on youtube), which was taped in late 2008, and aired in January 2009. Yes, that was a while ago but better late than never You can see the first half from the embedded viewer in my About Me page. Feedback here is appreciated. Enjoy!
How to Cure Neediness
November 23, 2009
How to Cure Neediness
This one was composed with the help of Christian Hudson and Nick Sparks. You should also be able to see a bit of influence from Sebastian Drake, too.
Dear Asian Rake David,
Quick question: I’ve got this nagging feeling of ‘neediness’ that I haven’t been able to shake. I think I’ve been too influenced by having had a long-term relationship because my ex-girlfriend and I used to do everything together—watch movies, go on holidays, etc. I’m wondering if you ever experienced the same thing. Any tips on how to resolve this?
Yours, Mitchell
Hey Mitchell,
Yeah, I totally know what you mean. There is good news and bad news for you.
The bad news
In fact, what you are feeling is something that will probably take a long time to go away. For me, I continued to feel this in any slow period of my life. “Slow” as in I wasn’t busy with work AND I was only seeing one or two girls at the time. It took me over two years to learn how to control this feeling.
The good news
This is relatively easy to correct in the moment. But the corrective is more like a palliative. There is a deeper root issue that needs to be addressed in order to deal with this permanently.
For quick fixes, you should do stuff to change your emotional states.
1. Let it all out.
First, have a nice cry and self-pity session to let it all out, but keep it to less than a half hour or so. Do NOT contact any women when you are in this state.
Then, take immediate action.
2. Eliminate the mental garbage from pop media.
I find that throwing out all those pathetic, cheesy, girly, romantic-comedy movies was a significant factor. Especially avoid anything from Korea, lol. Instead, watch manly movies or shows like Fight Club or Entourage.
Also, don’t listen to any songs having to do with love or romance. Yes, that’s the majority of pop songs. Instead, I like to listen to instrumental jazz or some martial classical music. It gets your mind moving in the right direction.
In Unbreakable, Christian and Nick discuss the difference between Jay-Z and Dashboard Confessional. The latter is a whiny emo band and all of their songs are self-indulgent pity fests about how in love he is with some girl. The former, well how about this line… “Not guilty, he who does not feel me is not real to me, therefore he doesn’t exist so poof…vamoose son of a bitch.” I always think about drawing conclusions between champs and chumps.
3. Talk it out with a good friend who will challenge you.
You could phone a good guy friend who is more mature than you, and just talk out your feelings of neediness with him. He should challenge you to man the f-ck up and to help you realize how irrational you are feeling.
4. Take care of your biochemistry.
Watch what you eat. Do not indulge in sugary or oily foods. That bowl of ice cream or gravy-drenched poutine might make you feel better while you’re eating it, but you will pay emotionally and physically for a lot longer after you’re done.
Instead, fill your body with food that will nourish you and release good neurotransmitters. What you want is the good stuff—dopamine, serotonin, endorphins. Stock up on high protein foods like fish, chicken, eggs, almonds, and dark green veggies. You can also try high carbohydrate foods like whole grain bread and pastas, rice, cereal, and juicy fruits.
Hit the gym HARD. Work out your body. Do something physical. Reconnect with your physicality so that you’re not always in your head. Do some martial arts. Hit the punching bag. Jump in the ring and do some sparring.
As a sidenote, every Asian man (indeed, every man) should master some martial art. I did Kung Fu and Tae Kwon-do as a kid, rising to the level of a junior black belt by the time I hit high school. But I hadn’t done much training since then until I moved to Singapore, where I quickly discovered martial arts gyms on every corner, including some martial arts clubs with full-on boxing rings, Muay Thai rings, MMA cages, and the works. I’ve since gotten a private trainer for Krav Maga, and it’s been awesome for physical conditioning, preparing me for street fighting, and making me feel more balanced and centered emotionally and mentally.
For a good long-term fix, as well as a short-term kick, Nick advises “drop and go compliments”—dropping random compliments, then leaving. The key is walking away without hesitation after you deliver it. You’re not looking for anything back from her. You’re not allowed to even concern yourself with her response. Just drop and go. That way you’re both giving and habituating yourself to turn your back on a woman, a necessary skill in today’s day and age.
But really these are just band-aid solutions.
THE REAL SOLUTION: The real problem is that you are not yet complete by yourself. You are still looking for external things to complete you. In this case, you are looking for the companionship of a woman.
You need to learn to be content with yourself and all by yourself, like you are stranded on a deserted island all by yourself but you know you’ll still be okay. Sure, it’d be great to have around you lots of people who love you. But you see that as a luxury, not a necessity.
Think of Tom Hanks in the movie, Castaway. Could you deal with that situation if that were you? Would you be cool if all your friends and family deserted you, like literally, cut themselves off from you? Then you’d have no one else to turn to but yourself for strength. That’s what you gotta be like to get rid of this neediness feeling permanently. You’ve got to be okay with being on your own. You’ve got to be a real man.
5. Here’s a long-term fix, though it’s also good for a short-term boost: Read Ayn Rand. Start with The Fountainhead. It starts slowly, and it’s a long book. But by the fifth chapter or so, you should understand why it’s so helpful. Then tackle Atlas Shrugged (though you can skim the cheesy love scenes between Dagny Taggart and Hank Rearden). They are like the advanced versions of the Fight Club book.
For me, that neediness still comes occasionally. But that’s usually when I’ve watched too many cheesy movies, listened to too many sappy songs, pigged out on sugary foods and not worked out for a few days, and have only been hanging out with women.
One key resource is The Way of the Superior Man by David Deida. Find your current purpose in life. Make women and all those other externals secondary. Also, for a macho manifesto of discipline, self-determination, and hustle, check out The 50th Law by 50 Cent and Robert Greene. These will help give you perspective on how to “man up.”
Play on, The Asian Rake
Day Game Tip: Avoid Instadates; Meet in the Evening
September 6, 2009
A month ago, I had the pleasure of hanging out with Jeremy Soul, the Love Systems Day Game Specialist, for several days. Considering Love System’s reputation for relying on canned routines and overly complicated theories, I was glad to find that we agreed on a lot of points, especially in regard to direct, natural game. It was also refreshing to see this in what Mr. M of Love Systems was teaching. I believe that some of this commonality can be traced back to the inter-continental influence of Sebastian Drake 
One important point that Jeremy and I both advocated in daytime interactions is efficiency and not wasting time with insta-dates. He’s finally gotten around to writing this article elucidating why the common community advice of going on insta-dates can actually be counterproductive. My experience has also been the same. It’s encouraging and validating to see that another Day Game specialist agrees. The community owes him a big “thanks” for getting this out there. Jeremy does a great job explaining this:
Don’t Waste Your Time With Instant Dates
I am going to disagree with conventional wisdom on Day Game here and say that I am against instant dates. An instant date is where you go for a coffee or some kind of mini-date with a woman immediately after having met her in the daytime.
Traditionally, a lot of guys that practice Day Game advocate going on instant dates with women. It’s said that they progress the interaction, build comfort and reduce flakiness.
Indeed, I used to be one of the guys that advocated insta-dating girls. But everything evolves and over time I’ve discovered instant dates to be less efficient than setting up dates for later on, preferably in the evening that night or if not, an evening within the next few days.
When you meet a woman during the daytime, chances are you won’t be able to get physically intimate with her until nightfall. Part of this is down to simple logistics: she is most likely in the middle of errands, on her break from work, or in between meetings. You may well be busy too. For most people, the evening is when they have the majority of their downtime, when it’s likely they’d be able to spend a couple of hours getting intimate with you.
Part of this is down to the psychology of sex. People associate nightfall with intimacy. Therefore if you are going to spend time with a woman with the possibility of sleeping with her, you should arrange for that time to be in the evening.
The final reason is that women like the element of mystery, the feeling of not knowing exactly what is going to happen. If you spend a couple of hours with a woman in the afternoon, taking a long walk though the park or chatting over coffee for a couple of hours, a lot of that mystery is gone. Suddenly, she knows a lot about you and you’ve become that “really interesting guy she spent an afternoon chatting with” instead of the guy she met up with in the evening and went home with.
Of course there are always going to be exceptions to this. It certainly is possible to meet a woman in the middle of the afternoon and get her home before it’s nightfall. It’s also possible to go on instant dates that last until nightfall and then take the woman home. But these are exceptions rather than the rule.
In most cases, your best bet for securing a solid date and for not wasting your time is to build a connection based on Attraction and Qualification (see the Love Systems Triad if you don’t know what these are) for about 5 minutes and then set up a date for an evening sometime soon (ideally that night).
I don’t think instant dates should never be tried. They’re certainly good for showing you what’s possible: that you can go on a random date with a woman you’ve just met in the middle of the day. But instant dates should be a feather in your cap rather than the arrows in your quiver.
This is probably going to be a controversial post and I’m sure there will be those that disagree with me. I think continual experimentation is important to develop any skill, so I invite you to experiment: if you have never tried instant dates, try going on a few, and if you usually do a lot of them, try avoiding them completely. See what happens.
Credit to the Asian Rake for encouraging me to write this article. I recently met him in Singapore and after talking about day game, it became clear that we shared some similar views. David – I hope to see you next time I am in Singapore.
Jeremy Soul
My Appearance on AXN’s The Duke
August 25, 2009
This was from a few months ago, when I was featured in an episode of AXN Asia’s The Duke. The filming took place in the winter. It was all sort of tongue-in-cheek, and we had a lot of good laughs.
The show’s hosts–Rovilson, Marc, and Eunice–were tremendous fun, totally laidback, professional, and down to earth, without any airs. And the after party was off the hook.
Thanks are due to LL for helping me burn the DVD and edit it into this clip. Enjoy!
My TV Panel on Singapore Girls
August 10, 2009
Here’s a fun TV show that was filmed a long time ago, but it has only just been released. You can find them on the Razor TV site here.
I’ve embedded below the last two segments and the first segment. You can see the influence of my friend, Zan, in episode 7 and of Brad P. in episode 8.
I was on a bit of a caffeine high from a big cup of Starbucks coffee right before and during this Razor TV interview. Watching the clips now, I notice I was talking pretty fast, probably too fast for my Singaporean audience, which is probably not used to my Canadian accent, LOL.
Having said that, this TV filming with Jamie Yeo, Melissa, and Bryan was a lot of fun to do, and we had plenty to talk about. Enjoy! Feedback and flaming are welcome.
Interview with Amped Asia
August 5, 2009
Here’s the link to an interview I did a while back with Amped Asia, a prominent Asian-American pop culture website. Enjoy!
My Real Claim to Fame
July 27, 2009
Here’s my final column for the time being in Singapore’s second-highest circulation paper, The New Paper. I gotta say, I’m disappointed by the headline (”My many intimate dates didn’t lead to happiness”), which gives the piece a negative tone overall. Here’s a link to the article in their online edition.
Below is the original, full version of the article, with the parts that were left out of the published version in bold print.
The Real Claim to Fame
This will be my last column for a while. Ongoing writing projects have been piling up calling for my undivided attention, so I’m taking an indefinite leave of absence from contributing in this space.
Perhaps the biggest lesson I’ve learned in my journey of personal development has been the importance of thinking big and that it is never too late to pursue your dreams.
A few years ago, I was frustrated with my social life. I had been the social misfit and had never mastered those social skills that all the cool people in high school and college just seemed to know instinctively.
I embarked on a period of experimentation and learning to gain the experience and knowledge I missed out on. This involved initiating social interactions with thousands of interesting people, many of whom became my new friends.
I learned a lot about how beautiful women think and feel and about social dynamics overall. And I have endeavored to pass to others the lessons I learned.
Even more, I discovered a great deal of profound insights about myself and made some major and lasting transformations.
I learned that the most significant element in interacting with people is to be your authentic and best self. Be honest about who you are—your limitations and your strengths. As long as you are striving to improve yourself, never be ashamed. I learned that society often tries to impose its own arbitrary social norms, but that a real man determines his own reality.
It’s Never Too Late to Change
I took a stand on the things about myself that I’ve wanted to change for decades but never followed through with. At the ripe old age of 30, I got into the best shape of my life. I also took up new hobbies and learned new skills that I had wanted to pursue for many years but kept putting off. In other words, I stopped making excuses for myself and my social predicament, took responsibility for my own life, and got those parts of my life handled. I started to become my ideal self. And I have never before been happier.
Most of all, I concluded that while intimate encounters with many women may bring a lot of pleasure, it doesn’t lead to sustained happiness. So since 2008, I have instead chosen to have meaningful, long-term relationships.
Early on, during that time of social experimentation, I went on a string of intimate encounters lasting a couple of months. I had mentioned this to the reporter writing the original feature article on me that was published almost a year ago in The New Paper. But somehow the headline misleadingly proclaimed that this was my “claim to fame.”
Actually, in the international attraction industry, which does a brisk business every year in the tens of millions of US dollars, very few people even knew about that statistic. If anything, my real “claim to fame” is various innovations and advancements in a natural, direct style of interacting with women, which I have come to call, Genuine Game. It is predicated on getting yourself into the right place emotionally and mentally, and then expressing yourself honestly and with humor. For more on this, see the articles on my website.
What credentials do I have for coaching others in the social arts? The world of social coaching is unusual in that there is no governing body or set of verifiable standards. A lot of people masquerade as dating coaches. For me, usually, men start by hearing my story and identifying with it. They then read my articles and get my Dating 101 audio course. Then they derive tremendous help from them, so they know that my advice works. If they need feedback that’s more personalized, they’ll get in touch with me, and as I get to know them, I tell them exactly what I can and can’t do to help them.
While I lament the deceptive headline, I do not mean to imply that I think there is anything morally objectionable to casual encounters between mutually consenting adults, or that I have any major regrets about my past. Every man should at least have the freedom to sow his wild oats before settling down, should he choose to do so.
Those experiences contributed to make me the man I am today. Though it took me until my early thirties to figure things out socially and catch up in my facility in social dynamics, it is never too late to realize one’s dreams. Without those experiences, I would likely never have learned enough about women and myself or matured enough emotionally to approach and attract my later long-term girlfriends, who have enriched my life deeply.
While I let slip away much of my social life in high school, college, and my twenties, I now have a whole range of life opportunities open to me that I could have only dreamt of a mere five years ago.
It is never too late to become whoever you want to be.
Although I am on a writing sabbatical, you can still keep in touch with me by signing up for my mailing list, which you can find on the top right-hand corner of my website. Subscribers will get free excerpts of my forthcoming book as they become available. But sign up now as I will be closing the list to new subscribers in the very near future.
I owe a big thanks to the many loyal and supportive fans of this Dr. Date column. See you on the other side!
Dear Dr. Date,
What’s the best way to get a girl’s number?
Yours, Jerky Jeff
Dear Jeff,
This is the wrong question.
What you should really ask is, “How do I get a girl attracted to me?”
If a girl is attracted to you, it is quite easy to get her number. She may even ask you for yours first.
If she is not attracted to you, then it won’t matter how you ask, then the number doesn’t matter. If she gives you a number at all, either she will give you a fake number, or she won’t pick up or return your calls.
So how do you get a girl attracted to you? For more on this, check out the articles on my website and get a hold of the Dating 101 audio course. Let’s keep in touch, Jerky Jeff!
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