Singapore Dating Coach David Tian, Ph.D., Interviews Alumnus Lion: Inside the Players’ Lounge, Episode 4, Part 1
January 24, 2012
Inside the Players’ Lounge, Episode 4, Part 1: Interview with Lion
This episode touches on a favorite topic of mine: That the qualities that many Asians mistakenly take to be “Asian thought” or “Asian culture” or “Asian philosophy” are actually not at all what elite Asians throughout history have believed or how they have behaved.
In this interview, I chat with alumnus Lion, who first got coaching from me when he was just an 18 yo. He was raised and educated in elite settings in Singapore, went on to become director of multiple branches of a multinational financial firm, and is now taking his degree at Oxford University.
Some of the lessons you’ll learn in this interview include…
* The confessions of a young Singaporean man about how his elite upbringing and education enabled him to see the world differently from the average guy and how this helped him succeed in life
* The secret of Asian and Singapore elites in getting and staying ahead in society and why Confucius would agree with them
* How you can use this elite secret to succeed in life and love, especially in Asia
* Why losers think, “I really should do this but I”m not going to start until I can devote all my time to it,” why this is horrible thinking, and how winners approach life differently.
Click here to see the second part of this interview.
“Inside the Players’ Lounge” is a series of interviews of top dating coaches and social artists who are Asian, are based in Asia, or have a deep interest in Asia and its women.
Inside the Players’ Lounge, Episode 3: David Tian, Ph.D., Interviews Asian Dating Coach Bonsai of Love Systems, Part 5/5
October 19, 2011
In this episode, David Tian, Ph.D., Executive Director of Aura Dating Academy in Singapore, interviews another of the world’s top Asian dating coaches, Bonsai of Love Systems.
Bonsai grew up in The Netherlands but had a strict Asian upbringing. He was exposed to both Asian and Western values, causing him to have conflicting beliefs when it came to dating and relationships. Nowadays, he is a top dating coach traveling the world and living the life. When he is working with students, he is solely focused on getting them the results they want, whether that is dating multiple women, picking up exotic dancers, meeting women in the daytime, dating friends or acquaintances, or taking a girl home from a bar or club. To learn more about Bonsai, check out his blog: http://www.asiandatingcoach.com
Some of the many lessons you’ll learn in this interview include:
* What to do when she says, “Oh, I have a boyfriend.”
* How to get rid of your approach anxiety
* What to do when you keep trying to get better with women, but you’re not seeing results or progress
* How to approach shy Asian and Singaporean girls
* and much more…
“Inside the Players’ Lounge” is a series of interviews of top dating coaches and social artists who are Asian, are based in Asia, or have a deep interest in Asia and its women.
Inside the Players’ Lounge, Episode 3: Dr. Asian Rake David Interviews Asian Dating Coach Bonsai of Love Systems, Part 2
October 13, 2011
“Inside the Players’ Lounge” is a series of interviews of top dating coaches and social artists who are Asian, are based in Asia, or have a deep interest in Asia and its women.
In this episode, David Tian, Ph.D., Executive Director of Aura Dating Academy in Singapore, interviews another of the world’s top Asian dating coaches, Bonsai of Love Systems.
Bonsai grew up in The Netherlands but had a strict Asian upbringing. He was exposed to both Asian and Western values, causing him to have conflicting beliefs when it came to dating and relationships. Nowadays, he is a top dating coach traveling the world and living the life. When he is working with students, he is solely focused on getting them the results they want, whether that is dating multiple women, picking up exotic dancers, meeting women in the daytime, dating friends or acquaintances, or taking a girl home from a bar or club. To learn more about Bonsai, click here. And check out Bonsai’s blog here.
This part of the interview will be of special interest to you if you’re an Asian guy raised or living in the West.
Some of the many lessons you’ll learn include:
* How a short Asian guy can date beautiful white models and the exact steps for how YOU can do the same
* What to do if you’re an Asian guy trying to compete with tall, good-looking white guys
* How to get her number in a way that will ensure she’ll asking to meet up with you again
* How to overcome your limiting beliefs when it comes to dating gorgeous girls
… and much more
“Inside the Players’ Lounge” is a series of interviews of top dating coaches and social artists who are Asian, are based in Asia, or have a deep interest in Asia and its women.
What If You’re the Only Asian Guy in a Group of Good-Looking White Dudes?
June 28, 2011
Commenter Al had a great question that I’m sure many others also have, so I thought I’d just make it a post on it’s own.
Hey David,
I just enrolled in the Unbreakable program (from The Social Man). One thing I was thinking while watching the first video was that…both Christian and Nick are pretty good-looking white guys.
While I’m tall and decent looking myself, I can sense the lack of eye contact I receive compared to my other white friends. I know from your previous posts that I shouldn’t whine about my situation, but I’m just wondering what you think of this issue.
–Al
Hey Al,
I appreciate your question. Having been close friends with Christian since 2005 and Nick since 2008, I’ve had to deal with this exact issue! But this of course doesn’t only come up when I’m with them. It comes up whenever I’m with anyone who is attractive or successful. But it’s actually not a problem; it’s a blessing.
People associate you with what surrounds you.
I like having good-looking guys around me in my group or team (I say this from a completely hetero standpoint, ha). And the smartest girls know that they look even better when they are surrounded by women just as or more beautiful as them.
If your social value when you’re by yourself is a 9/10, and you’re hanging out with three of your computer geek friends who when by themselves would be a 3/10, then your nerd companions will bring your subjective social value down to a 4.5! Girls will write you off as just the best looking out of the computer nerds. Not so good.
The only time guys individually worse than you can make you look good is in successive comparisons (such as in a runway show where the models come down the runway one at a time). So if the girl keeps seeing loser guys in succession and then all of a sudden sees you, then you fare better by the comparison.
But if she sees you and the nerds at approximately the same time, maybe because you and your friends are all hanging at the same table, then she’ll unconsciously conclude that you’re a loser, too. Those guys will bring down your individual social value.
That’s one reason I try to surround myself with the most successful people I can (besides the fact that they also help me become more positive and successful, and that I just enjoy being around such people). I also like to have around me big, muscular guys (sometimes they look like my bodyguards, ha), hip fashion people, good looking people, and most of all, FUN people!
I discovered this for myself when I started teaching in universities, and I noticed that when bad students sat surrounding a smart student during class, my unconscious mind just started to label that smart student as a bad student, too. And then, I’d have to consciously exert effort to remind myself that, “Hey, that’s the kid who got an A on the last test. Let’s hear him out.”
However, when all the smart students clumped together in the classroom, it was easy to associate that part of the room as where I could go when I wanted good answers to my questions. If a bad student sat in their midst, I’d unconsciously label him as one of the smart students, too.
You’ve probably noticed this in yourself. Think about a Victoria’s Secret model standing alone.
Then, think about that same model surrounded by five ugly looking girls.
Then, think about the effect you get when you have a row of six Victoria’s Secret models together. The result compounds and increases the individual value of each member of the group.
I remember reading psychology research along similar lines but can’t recall them off the top of my head.
ASSOCIATIVE VALUE, CONTRAST PRINCIPLE, and SOCIAL POWER
So, back to your situation. You’ve got some good-looking white dudes that you roll with. Great! First, you get the compounded value from them.
Plus, you get the CONTRAST PRINCIPLE as the one who stands out as different (because you’re Asian). We deal with the CONTRAST PRINCIPLE in the soon to be released Power of Being Asian program.
Now, you can stand out in a bad way and in a good way. This is also the risk of dressing outrageously to get attention (what some pick up artists call, “Peacocking”). It can work for you or against you. Just by being the only Asian guy, your very race peacocks you!
Now use it to your advantage by being the LEADER of the group of white guys. It can happen even more effectively because your race makes you stand out from them.
Don’t think so much about your height or looks. Guys fixate on looks because that’s how we’re built. But we know from evolutionary psychology that women care much less about a man’s looks than they do about his power (often conventionally measured by wealth and social status, but most often unconsciously measured by the way other people react and respond to you).
Girls are MUCH more attracted to power than to looks. Compared to height, looks, or race, power is a far more important generator of attraction in females.
Be the most socially powerful man in the group of good looking guys, and you’ll be that much more irresistible.
Cheers, David
Megan Fox is Hot for Korean Rain
December 21, 2009
Merry Christmas!
I’ve been crazy busy lately with lots of long-distance traveling and work on the writing projects. It looks like I’ll be getting a white Xmas, though 
Just thought I’d share a brief interview clip of Megan Fox in Korea and her confession about her crush over Korean pop, TV, and movie star, Rain. Maybe this will encourage you Asian guys who still have insecurities about whether non-Asian girls could ever desire you.
Btw, all the bullcrap in his Korean PR for his Ninja Assassin film about how he attained 0% bodyfat and “effortlessly lifting 100kg dumbbells” is just ridiculous. Perhaps something was lost in translation, but if he were 0% bodyfat, he would be dead. My estimate based on the photos is around 8-10%. They have released a photo of him not-so-effortlessly curling what looks like a 20 kg dumbell, LOL. I guess they just assume that Asians in Asia don’t know enough about fitness and sport to understand what those numbers mean, ha. Unfortunately, he’s yet another Asian guy in a martial arts movie playing a largely asexual character. Things haven’t changed that much yet.
Happy holidays!
My TV Panel on Singapore Girls
August 10, 2009
Here’s a fun TV show that was filmed a long time ago, but it has only just been released. You can find them on the Razor TV site here.
I’ve embedded below the last two segments and the first segment. You can see the influence of my friend, Zan, in episode 7 and of Brad P. in episode 8.
I was on a bit of a caffeine high from a big cup of Starbucks coffee right before and during this Razor TV interview. Watching the clips now, I notice I was talking pretty fast, probably too fast for my Singaporean audience, which is probably not used to my Canadian accent, LOL.
Having said that, this TV filming with Jamie Yeo, Melissa, and Bryan was a lot of fun to do, and we had plenty to talk about. Enjoy! Feedback and flaming are welcome.
Interview with Amped Asia
August 5, 2009
Here’s the link to an interview I did a while back with Amped Asia, a prominent Asian-American pop culture website. Enjoy!
Speaking Up Against Stereotyping of Asian-American Men
June 3, 2009
Interesting video here with Yul Kwon, winner of the million-dollar prize in Survivor, voted one of America’s sexiest men by People magazine, plus some typical Asian-American accomplishments, such as being a Phi Beta Kappa Stanford grad, a Yale Law School grad, and work stints with McKinsey and Google. Also featuring The Daily Show’s Aasif Mandvi and Jeff Yang of the San Francisco Chronicle.
Fellow Asian Dating Expert Gives Talks at Harvard, Yale, Penn, NYU, Wellesley, and Rutgers University
May 27, 2009
I had a chat with William, who runs the Better Asian Man website, last time I was in Manhattan. He first came to my attention through Lance at Amped Asia. While I don’t completely agree with his take on Asian culture, I think he is advancing the cause of what he calls “self-actualization” for Asian-American men.
I’ve found that some Singaporeans don’t understand the plight of the Asian (North) American man and sometimes can’t place my own background in context. William does a good job of contextualizing it.
His site has a weekly “phone-in” podcast, something I wish I had the time to do. Check out his site here.
More KevJumba: On Haters, etc.
April 30, 2009
Couldn’t resist some more of KevJumba, haha. Plus, I didn’t like the screen capture on his Aren’t Asians Cool Enough? video; those Asian dudes in their tighty whities were grossing me out.
This one on haters was both timely and LMAO funny. His comments line: “Feel free to leave hateful comments, but try to make them funny.”
This other one has, astonishingly, over 5 million views on youtube.
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