This is Part 6 and the last part in this section. To read from Part 1 of this section on being adventurous and easygoing, click here. To read the Introduction to the Manifesto, click here.
How to Have It All
Now you want to know how you can do this, how you can have it all â€“ be adventurous and put yourself first, without having to constantly please others.
First, youâ€™ve got to give up on trying to always be right or perfect. Stop trying to save others before saving yourself. Stop trying to hide your flaws or mistakes. Give up on this perfectionism that comes from being raised by tiger parenting.
Along the same lines, forget about following all of society’s so-called rules. Following society’s unwritten, arbitrary rules ends up making you rigid, cautious, and fearful. Sometimes you might even be afraid because you donâ€™t know what the rules are. Forget about following all the rules; just go ahead and do what you want to do first. Act first, apologise later. Get in the habit of taking initiative in your life, of taking calculated risks. Put yourself out there. Make yourself vulnerable to failure, to rejection, to being laughed at, or made fun of. Only then will you ever truly find your inner strength. And only then will women universally be attracted to you for you.
Try new things and be creative in thinking of the new things you can do. Go outside your comfort zone. It all starts when you decide what truly matters and relax about the many things that don’t really matter in the long run.
So, in the end, am I blaming your tiger parents for your dating problems as an Asian male? No. I’m sure they had the best of intentions in raising you that way and that they were raised that way themselves. Of course, this doesn’t mean that super permissive parents are good either. I’m just pointing out that there’s an interesting modern social trend in Asian parenting that explains the prevalence of risk averse, uptight Asian men, who end up having trouble attracting women in first-world countries and competing with men from other, more masculine backgrounds.
You need to develop your independence overall so as to become universally attractive to women.
Look at the bright side: We sacrificed our masculinity early on for academic excellence or whatever it was that the parenting allowed you to achieve in your academic, arts, and career. Now it’s just a matter of catching up in this other area of your life–dating, women, relationships.
So the tiger parenting did help you in whatever it is that you’ve achieved up to this point. But now you’ll need to balance it out. You can shore up the less sexy parts of your personality by emphasising adventurousness and becoming easy going. To attain have a flourishing social life, a flourishing romantic life, and a flourishing love life, you’ve got to create your own independence, you’ve got to grow up, and you’ve got to be your own man. And I think that’s a fantastic way of honouring your parents.