What If You’re the Only Asian Guy in a Group of Good-Looking White Dudes?
June 28, 2011
Commenter Al had a great question that I’m sure many others also have, so I thought I’d just make it a post on it’s own.
Hey David,
I just enrolled in the Unbreakable program (from The Social Man). One thing I was thinking while watching the first video was that…both Christian and Nick are pretty good-looking white guys.
While I’m tall and decent looking myself, I can sense the lack of eye contact I receive compared to my other white friends. I know from your previous posts that I shouldn’t whine about my situation, but I’m just wondering what you think of this issue.
–Al
Hey Al,
I appreciate your question. Having been close friends with Christian since 2005 and Nick since 2008, I’ve had to deal with this exact issue! But this of course doesn’t only come up when I’m with them. It comes up whenever I’m with anyone who is attractive or successful. But it’s actually not a problem; it’s a blessing.
People associate you with what surrounds you.
I like having good-looking guys around me in my group or team (I say this from a completely hetero standpoint, ha). And the smartest girls know that they look even better when they are surrounded by women just as or more beautiful as them.
If your social value when you’re by yourself is a 9/10, and you’re hanging out with three of your computer geek friends who when by themselves would be a 3/10, then your nerd companions will bring your subjective social value down to a 4.5! Girls will write you off as just the best looking out of the computer nerds. Not so good.
The only time guys individually worse than you can make you look good is in successive comparisons (such as in a runway show where the models come down the runway one at a time). So if the girl keeps seeing loser guys in succession and then all of a sudden sees you, then you fare better by the comparison.
But if she sees you and the nerds at approximately the same time, maybe because you and your friends are all hanging at the same table, then she’ll unconsciously conclude that you’re a loser, too. Those guys will bring down your individual social value.
That’s one reason I try to surround myself with the most successful people I can (besides the fact that they also help me become more positive and successful, and that I just enjoy being around such people). I also like to have around me big, muscular guys (sometimes they look like my bodyguards, ha), hip fashion people, good looking people, and most of all, FUN people!
I discovered this for myself when I started teaching in universities, and I noticed that when bad students sat surrounding a smart student during class, my unconscious mind just started to label that smart student as a bad student, too. And then, I’d have to consciously exert effort to remind myself that, “Hey, that’s the kid who got an A on the last test. Let’s hear him out.”
However, when all the smart students clumped together in the classroom, it was easy to associate that part of the room as where I could go when I wanted good answers to my questions. If a bad student sat in their midst, I’d unconsciously label him as one of the smart students, too.
You’ve probably noticed this in yourself. Think about a Victoria’s Secret model standing alone.
Then, think about that same model surrounded by five ugly looking girls.
Then, think about the effect you get when you have a row of six Victoria’s Secret models together. The result compounds and increases the individual value of each member of the group.
I remember reading psychology research along similar lines but can’t recall them off the top of my head.
ASSOCIATIVE VALUE, CONTRAST PRINCIPLE, and SOCIAL POWER
So, back to your situation. You’ve got some good-looking white dudes that you roll with. Great! First, you get the compounded value from them.
Plus, you get the CONTRAST PRINCIPLE as the one who stands out as different (because you’re Asian). We deal with the CONTRAST PRINCIPLE in the soon to be released Power of Being Asian program.
Now, you can stand out in a bad way and in a good way. This is also the risk of dressing outrageously to get attention (what some pick up artists call, “Peacocking”). It can work for you or against you. Just by being the only Asian guy, your very race peacocks you!
Now use it to your advantage by being the LEADER of the group of white guys. It can happen even more effectively because your race makes you stand out from them.
Don’t think so much about your height or looks. Guys fixate on looks because that’s how we’re built. But we know from evolutionary psychology that women care much less about a man’s looks than they do about his power (often conventionally measured by wealth and social status, but most often unconsciously measured by the way other people react and respond to you).
Girls are MUCH more attracted to power than to looks. Compared to height, looks, or race, power is a far more important generator of attraction in females.
Be the most socially powerful man in the group of good looking guys, and you’ll be that much more irresistible.
Cheers, David
How to Have a Perfect First Date: The 5 C’s of Dating
June 23, 2011
In case you haven’t noticed yet, I’ve activated our facebook fan page! I’m creating a community there about dating, lifestyle, and success in life.
Go check it out here: www.facebook.com/auradating
Please click on the “Like” at the top to join our community. I promise you’ll get tons of value from it.
To start, I’ve created five videos exclusive to the facebook page. They’re on the 5 C’s of Dating, specifically how to have the perfect first date. Check them out here by going to the Exclusive Videos tab of the page and clicking on “Like”: www.facebook.com/auradating
Cheers,
David
How to Talk to Girls and Turn Them on: Nick Sparks Demonstrates Talkative, Sexual Vibe
June 21, 2011
A while back, the man running The Social Man, Christian Hudson, had a great idea. From what he told me, he put out a Craigslist ad for girls who were willing to be interviewed for a dating site about their views on dating and men. Here is one of the results.
On the day of this video, Nick Sparks literally met this girl about five minutes before the camera started rolling. Despite the presence of the camera, the cameraman, the bright lights, and lack of incidental touch because of the separated chairs, Nick and Jennifer are kissing by the end of the 17th minute.
Very few guys are better exemplars of the Sexual Talkative Vibe than Nick Sparks. Maybe Russell Brand comes to mind. Check it out for yourself. There are more videos to come. Watch and learn 
If you are in North America, then I highly recommend you get coaching from Nick Sparks and Christian Hudson of The Social Man. I personally vouch for them. And for extra special treatment, tell them I sent you.
Best,
David
How to Approach Attractive Women: An Essential Life Skill for Any Man
June 14, 2011
Over the years, one of the best gifts I’ve ever given myself has been the ability to approach and attract beautiful women if and when I see them—on the streets, in shopping malls, in the clubs, or anywhere else.
My friend who goes by the name of Skilldo has been helping Singaporeans get better at dating and approaching since 2005. He’s been in this field longer than anyone else in Singapore, and his mature perspective really shows in his work.
Collaborating with him has been a refreshing contrast to the juvenile bravado of the young boys passing themselves off as “dating coaches” in Singapore these days.
He genuinely cares about helping guys get better with girls, and his passion shows. Even the Singapore government-run SDN (Social Development Network) has worked with him to provide coaching to men about dating.
He’s recently put together a comprehensive DVD course called, “Approach Secrets,” which includes an amazing set of bonuses.
Even if I weren’t one of the guest speakers on this DVD series, I’d still recommend it to anyone who wants to learn how to approach beautiful women in Singapore and Asia.
Okay, here’s the link: Go check it out for yourself!
Cheers,
David
What to Think When You’re Approaching and Meeting New Women: The Attraction Mindset (video)
June 2, 2011
Want to get better with women but also avoid being one of those creepy pick up guys who brag about “pulling chicks” or getting numbers from girls at bars, bookstores, or city streets? Then you should cultivate the simple and easy ATTRACTION MINDSET.
As usual, the video is only very lightly edited.
Credit to Sebastian Drake for giving me the correct focus many years ago.
The Attraction Mindset:
1. Have Fun
2. Make Others Have Fun
3. Make Connections and See If People Meet Your Standards
These 3 points should take up at least 90% of your mental processes when you’re out to meet new people. For more on this idea, check out my post on Outcome Independence and How to Have Fun.
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