Empowering Asian Men
April 13, 2009
This is an article that appeared on Amped Asia here. My aim is to contribute to a broader movement aimed at improving the self-image of Asian men and shaping general perceptions of Asian men as being sexy and sex-worthy. I believe this is as worthwhile as any academic project out there, especially in Asian studies.
On the Physical Appearance and Dominance of Asian Guys
This article was originally inspired by fellow columnist Rochelle Nguyen’s article, which was in response to a letter written in reaction to her original article entitled, “Five Reasons Asian Girls Like White Guys.” It’s also taken me about a month to write because I wanted to ensure that I wrote dispassionately with a cool-head and because business got really busy recently.
I agree almost entirely with her original piece. Her main point was that Asian men lacked certain personality traits that kept them from being as dominant in social interactions as white men. I actually concur with her on this and am actively working to help empower Asian men in this respect. And I agree with almost everything she wrote in her follow-up article. Everything, that is, except the following.
This is from the respondent’s letter. No doubt, a non-native English speaker wrote this, as it’s ungrammatical in places with spelling errors.
“Yes you have at some some clue in this, it is true you are brainwashed by white beauty standards, a social illness that has hurt so many women. And of course there are plenty of asian men are also big, muscle, tall, athletic PLENTY! you have been deprived.”
This is Rochelle’s response to the paragraph.
“Oh please, this one is a no brainer. Even the leading men in Asian cinema can’t compare to the leading men of Hollywood. Where in an Asian film can you find the charismatic and dominant equivalent of Brad Pitt in Fight Club? Can Jackie Chan or Jet Li compare? Or better yet, those ladyboys that have feminized themselves that seem to plague Korean media? I do agree that there are Asian men who are big, muscular, tall, athletic, etc, but it’s easy to say that there’s more white guys who have those attributes. White culture is totally obsessed with being alpha men. Football players, wrestling, bodybuilding, etc. Do you really want to argue that there are more Asian men than white men that possess those characteristics? And you say I’ve been deprived?”
I realize it may be unfair to use Rochelle’s writing here as fodder and stalking horse for my own points. This paragraph seems more like an exception to the rest of her piece. In any case, I’m using it as an example of a typical perspective on the physical appearance of Asian men.
I don’t normally like to wade into such minefields as racial prejudices. On such topics, reasoned argumentation often gives way to emotional appeal.
However, given that the readership of the Amped Asia site includes many Asian-American men, I wish in this article to help disabuse Asian men of self-limiting negative stereotypes and misconceptions regarding their Asian masculinity and heritage. This is to begin in some small way to cut off the limiting beliefs that American and other Western societies impose on Asian-American men.
A Message to our Asian-American Sisters
First, allow me to go on a preliminary tangent and speak to our Asian-American sisters to explain why their Asian-American brothers are so caught up in this topic.
It’s much easier to accept criticism about something you have the power to change. Critiques of your social skills or your fashion sense are relatively easy to swallow.
However, when someone says something like “White men are bigger, taller, more muscular, and more athletic than Asian men,” this strikes at the root of Asian men’s identities. Yes, with work, an Asian man can and should become more muscular or athletic.
But without radical surgery, an adult male usually cannot change his height or shoe size. Such categorical assertions will and should, if we want masculine Asian guys, generate a outrage from Asian men.
As Asian-American men, moreover, we will feel a sense of betrayal when our Asian-American sisters fail to understand us or support us. We grew up alongside our Asian sisters, were raised by Asian mothers and aunties, and share a common Asian heritage with our Asian female counterparts. We view them as part of our “in-group.” So when they perpetuate stereotypes and misconceptions about us, we feel a sense of betrayal.
Perhaps this is misplaced. After all, they are just echoing what the media and other sources of social influence have fed to them.
There are even some Asian-American brothers (some of whom run some Asian-American websites trying to make Asian-American guys into better Asian men) who also perpetuate the view that Asian men in Asia are effeminate and weak, that Asian-American men should in some sense repudiate their Asian heritage, and that American culture is more masculine and produces men superior to what traditional Asian culture produces.
So we can’t put all the blame on our Asian-American sisters. Sometimes, too, we as the sons of Asian immigrants, engage in self-perpetuating stereotyping practices. We, too, self-Orientalize. We ought to acknowledge our own complicity in the current, sorry state of affairs. But it sure would help if our Asian-American sisters would understand.
Just The Facts, Ma’am
Second, let’s take a look at the factual claims made here.
The central claim is that “more white men are tall, big, muscular, and athletic than Asian men.” Furthermore, Rochelle asserts that “it is easy to say” this.
I wonder where the evidence is for such sweeping claims. Asia includes China, North Korea, India, and a total population of over four billion people, making up roughly two-thirds of the world’s population.
Who among us has reliable records of the current height, weight, and body fat to muscle ratio of the population of North Korea, The People’s Republic of China, or even India? Maybe the CIA.
How, then, can we make accurate factual claims about the total number of tall, muscular, and athletic Asian men in the world? This is not even mentioning how vague these terms are in the first place, a point I shall come to later (how muscular is “muscular”?).
In absence of any hard data, let us indulge, as Rochelle does, in anecdotal evidence and at least give some specific examples.
While my examples are drawn mainly from China, as my Ph.D. research focused on this area, and I am of Chinese descent, I’m certain that a little more research would likely turn up comparable data for Japan (sumo wrestlers and samurai come to mind), Vietnam, the Philippines, and especially Korea.
Part of the misconceptions prevalent among Asian-Americans about Asian culture stem from the extremely small sample size upon which they often draw. This applies to just about everything in Asian culture.
I think it completely laughable that Asian-Americans think they are experts about Asia because they drink bubble tea (or boba) every day, munch on California rolls, and shop in the grocery store in Koreatown, or because they spend the occasional summer with their relatives in Asia. I remember the days in Toronto when people wouldn’t believe me that Mandarin Chinese is spoken by the majority of Chinese in China. They were convinced that Cantonese was the main dialect because that’s all they heard in the Chinatowns!
Asia is a complicated place. To someone who has devoted almost a decade to the academic study of Asia, this is the mother of all understatements.
Take just China for example. Most immigrants to North America, until very recently, came from southern China, mainly Hong Kong and Taiwan. Southern Chinese tend to be come from leaner, ectomorphic stock. Through most of Chinese history, dating back at least a millennium and a half, southern Chinese were considered the scholars and artists while the northern Chinese composed most of the martial class.
The people of the northern steppes were some of the greatest warriors in the history of the world. By the thirteenth century, the Mongols had swept from the Sea of Japan to the Holy Roman Empire, conquering and ruling over 20% of the world’s total land area.
Northern Asians, who share in the ancestries of northern Chinese and Koreans, have included some of the tallest, most muscular, and most athletic men in the history of the world.
Given that the tallest and biggest Asians have historically originated from northern Asia and that most of America’s Asian immigrant population is from points farther south, it makes sense that Americans would form the misconception that Asians are homogenously short and skinny.
According to the latest report (2008) from the UCLA Asian American Studies Center, as an official U.S. Census Information Center, Asians comprise 14.9 million American residents or about 5% of the total population. The largest sub-group is of Chinese descent, numbering 3.6 million. Most of these originate from Hong Kong, Taiwan, and southern China. Recently, there has been a marked upsurge in mainland Chinese immigrants.
The second, third, and fourth largest groups are neither Korean nor Japanese, which may come as a shock to those living near sourthern California’s Koreatowns and Little Tokyo. Korean residents in America number 1.5 million and Japanese residents total 1.2 million. Indians comprise the third largest group at 2.7 million. The second and fourth largest groups are actually Filipinos at 2.9 million and Vietnamese at 1.6 million. Notice that Filipinos and Vietnamese are from southeast Asia. So there are relatively few northern Asian immigrants in America, though that situation is now starting to change.
So the small sample of Asia that you get in America is misrepresentative of Asia as a whole. Asia is big. There are all kinds of Asians, including groups that are generally tall and big.
Height
Where in the world is the world’s tallest man? That’s right. China. Inner Mongolia, to be exact. His name is Bao Xishun, and he stands at 7’9” (2.36m) and is a relatively healthy 60 years old. Incidentally, the world’s tallest woman ever on record was also Chinese. Who is the tallest player in the NBA? That’s right. Yao Ming. A Chinese guy. His hometown is Shanghai, though he most likely has Northern Chinese ancestry.
Muscular
In the most recent Olympic games (Beijing 2008), which team dominated the gold medal standings overall? Yes, the home team: China. 51 gold medals compared to 36 by the US and 23 by Russia.
Take gymnastics, for instance. Certainly, gymnastics is one of the top sports requiring a great combination of strength and agility. Have you seen those Olympians on the rings? Their armpit muscles are bigger than most girls’ biceps, lol. Which team totally trounced the competition? Yes, right again. China. China took home gold medals in the Men’s Individual All-Around, Men’s Floor Exercise, Men’s Pommel Horse, Men’s Rings, Men’s Parallel Bars, Men’s Horizontal Bar, and the Men’s Team competition. Talk about domination.
You want pure, brute strength? How about weightlifting? Yes, China again. The Chinese team took home gold medals in the Men’s 56kg, 62kg, and 69kg categories. And have you seen the Chinese men’s water polo team? I’m not saying this to be gay or anything; it’s just that a friend of mine happened to be at one of their Olympic matches, and she snapped some pics of these gigantor dudes in their tiny speedos.
Any cursory perusal of the photos of Asian Olympians should disabuse you of the idea that there are any genetic or biological reasons behind the stereotypes about men in Asia. There is nothing inherent or genetic in Asian men making them less muscular. If anything, as we’ve seen, they have the potential and capacity to be even stronger and more muscular than their non-Asian counterparts.
So much for the claim that Asian men aren’t as “tall, big, muscular, or athletic” as non-Asian men.
Go to Asia
One of the most important sources of the problem is that Asian-Americans are getting an inaccurate and incomplete cross-section of Asian cultures. There is a lot more diversity in Asia than what you can see represented in America.
This largely explains why Asian-American men have witnessed so few Asian alpha males.
Where are all the Asian alpha males?
Honestly, growing up in Canada and America, I really didn’t see many. I saw plenty of Asians who excelled in academics, athletics, the arts, and public service. Friends and family went to such storied institutions as Penn, Harvard, Stanford, MIT, and Oxford, and then went on to very successful careers in respected professions like medicine, law, pure research, and various branches of business. This is why they call us the “model minority.”
But where were the Asian male sex symbols?
Not in America or Canada, I tell you. Not even in Hollywood movies. Nowadays, you find newer stars who are more representative of the scene in Asia, guys like Takeshi Kaneshiro (can’t believe how the Amped Asia crew missed him and many of the top male stars in Asia), but they certainly haven’t entered mainstream American consciousness yet.
Certainly, asexual martial artists like Jackie Chan, Jet Li, or Bruce Lee would not count as sex symbols. I strongly agree with Rochelle’s opinion of the sex appeal of these otherwise excellent role models. I like Jet Li a lot, particularly after he started spear heading his inspirational One Foundation charity and especially since he’s not a rabidly horny dog like Jackie Chan and Jackie’s son (reports of their philandering ways in KTVs are legion). I guess being raised in a Buddhist monastery can do a boy good, lol. But Jackie and Jet? Sexy they were not.
Only in my second straight year of living in China did I come into contact with true Chinese alpha males. After that, though, I began to see them all over the place.
Simply spending a summer in Asia won’t cut it, although it’s a good start. Unless the average Asian-American has a guide who is really well connected in the local area, it will take him some time to find the local Asian alpha males. They’re like rulers of an underground society, ensconced deeply in their territory.
But once you find one and spend some time with him, you’ll start to spot them more frequently. After all, China is a country of 1.3 billion people. That’s over four times the population of the US. India is nearing 1.2 billion. At least 3-5% of those men in China and India are pulling as much high-quality tail as any man in the West. That’s a lot of guys.
My first extended encounter with a local Chinese alpha male was in the person of the ex-boyfriend of one of my girls in Beijing. The guy lived in a far suburb of Beijing. He had 3-4 toughs along whenever I saw him. He was muscular, tattooed, had a shaved head, wore lots of jade jewelry and liked black clothes, and had an addiction to chewing on toothpicks. He rarely smiled. Whenever he spoke, it seemed like he wasn’t moving his lips. Yet the effect was striking.
To his many girls, he was the sweetest little boy and the perfect gentleman. The contrast was dramatic, enchanting, and sexy. And the girls, when I asked them why they like him so much, said that they appreciated how he was tough with all the guys and the outsiders, but super sweet to them. At last, my first Chinese alpha male. It only took me a year and a half floating aimlessly in China and twenty-nine years of my life to find one.
After that, though, I started to spot them all over China. And I’m not just talking about gangsters. There was a whole range of alpha dudes.
In the Beijing bar district known as Sanlitun, I once saw six or seven extremely tall, young Chinese males surround a taxi in which sat the Chinese cabbie, a white girl, and three white dudes. There were two guys in the group who were at least 6’7”. One of them was maybe even taller. They looked like a college basketball team. One of the dudes was standing at the front of the taxi with one foot on the bumper and grill, preventing the driver from driving out of the small alley. A couple of the other dudes were reaching through the window and grabbing the white guys with one hand while pounding their faces with the other. The white girl was screaming hysterically. There were plenty of white expat chumps just staring at what was going down. The tall Chinese guys finally let the taxi go. By this time, there was a huge crowd on both sides of the street watching. It turns out one of the white dudes had insulted one of the Chinese guys, and things just escalated. Typical. Bar fights aren’t all that uncommon in Beijing. One night at 5AM, I was at a club chatting up a cutie when one of my wings came back holding a paper towel over his bleeding forearm. He just started talking to me as if nothing had happened. Apparently, he had gotten into a fight downstairs and didn’t see that one of the guys was wielding a broken beer bottle. Hilarious. This sort of thing happens all the time in Sanlitun. That’s one of its charms.
What I want you to notice is that there were six dudes easily over six feet tall who were standing up for their pride on a bar street full of white expats. These Chinese guys weren’t Olympians or state sponsored athletes, as far as I could tell, as state athletes have strict curfews and very monitored lives. These dudes were just regular guys, but they were tall. In the US, I often feel short because I’m shorter than average. In southern Asia, I fit in better. But in northern China, I feel just as short as I do in the US. Who says that there aren’t tall, athletic Chinese dudes? Who says that Asian guys don’t have balls?
My first two long-term girlfriends in Beijing both hailed from the north. One was originally from the northwest in Inner Mongolia and the other was originally from the northeast in Jilin. The first was 5’8” (1.73m) and the second was 5’9” (1.75m). They had even taller cousins. They used to tease me about my height (5’7”/1.70m) because all the males in their family were taller, and I was the shortest guy they had ever dated.
A little known fact in the modeling world in China is that there are plenty of Chinese male models over 6’ (1.83m) and female models over 5’10” (1.77m) walking those runways in Beijing. We’re trying to bring some of these runway models down to Singapore 
So, yes, there are a lot of tall people in China. And yes, there are a lot of muscular people in China. In fact, not just in China, but in all of Asia!
But you don’t even have to be all that tall or muscular to turn girls’ heads.
Rochelle held up Brad Pitt as a standard. Let’s look at Brad Pitt for a minute. He’s just barely tall enough to be a male runway model, squeaking in at 5’10” (1.8m). Many of my Chinese guy friends were this height or taller, and many of my girlfriends’ guy friends were taller than this.
He’s muscular, but nowhere near what he would have to be to compete in any bodybuilding competitions. What makes him stand out is his low body fat percentage. That famous look he had in Fight Club wasn’t all that muscular; he was lean, really lean. He bulked up for Troy, but not that much more; he was still lean.
What is universally attractive to women is a low body fat percentage. That’s easier to achieve for ectomorphs like Pitt. The good news for Asians is that genetically, we are predominantly ectomorphs, too.
“Ectomorphs have a light build with small joints and lean muscle. Usually ectomorphs have long thin limbs with stringy muscles. Shoulders tend to be thin with little width. Ectomorphs find it very hard to gain weight. They have a fast metabolism, which burns up calories very quickly. Ectomorphs need a huge amount of calories in order to gain weight.”
The general consensus in online bodybuilding forums is that Pitt is an ectomorph, which makes getting the lean, cut look in Fight Club that much easier. (I am somewhat of a mesomorph myself, which has its advantages, but makes getting the Brad Pitt Fight Club look harder to attain.)
The amount of muscle Brad Pitt had in Fight Club isn’t hard to get. The average, adult skinny Asian guy could get there in a few months of really rigorous training and the right high-protein diet. The hard part is cutting away and keeping off all the fat to get and maintain the lean look. Most of this is accomplished through the right diet. For a very low body fat percentage, you are looking at a very strict diet, not so much in the amount you eat, but in the kind of food and drink you consume.
All of this is achievable for the average Asian man. In fact, ectomorphs have a distinct advantage in getting the cut, lean look. And if it’s true that Asian males tend to be ectomorphs, then all the better for Asian guys!
So, are Asian men just as tall, muscular, and athletic as non-Asian men? Hell, yeah. And I’d argue that they are even more so!
How much does this matter in attracting women? It certainly helps. But if you’ve got the right body language and tonality, that matters much more. Verbal technique can also make a difference. Looks are just one factor.
However, my main reason for writing this is to help Asian-American men fix the way they think of and see themselves. I am here to help you realize your own potential as an Asian man and to see that there are rich resources for you in Asia to build up your “inner game”—the strong, confident attitudes and mindsets that define a man who naturally attracts women. Stand up for yourselves, and take pride in your Asian genes and heritage!
[Addendum: A few of my statements about Asian-American men may seem too strong, but that's not my intention. For example, I wrote, "Where are the Asian male sex symbols? Not in America or Canada." The context of that statement should make it clear what I mean by "sex symbol." I did not mean by this that no Asian males in America or Canada are sexy. Far from it. That's one of my main points: There are plenty of Asian males all over the world who are representing the race well, and there are even more who have the potential to do so. But because of various sociological, economic, cultural, and even political reasons, they are not seen as "sex symbols" in Western societies. I surely hope that I have not discouraged those Asian-American males who are doing well with women; I am personal friends with quite a number of them. What concerns me here is the perception of Asian men by some parts of Western societies and some Asian-American women and how this can affect the self-image of Asian men anywhere. A "thank you" to blog reader, Ed, for pointing this out.]
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7 Responses to “Empowering Asian Men”
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Awesome read and excellent arguments. Thanks!
This is a very well written piece. I cannot agree more with you about American’s ignorance of the vastness of China and its diversity.
However, I also have a comment about your using Chinese Olympian achievements as an example. The entire Chinese athletic system is based on tight selection to obtain the most genetically exceptional stocks, so one shouldn’t use that as an example of general Chinese fitness.
Oh, and I think the fact that the Koreans and Japanese are consistently the best bboys in the world can also strengthen your asian general fitness argument.
great response to Rocelle’s post
and an empowering article in itself for asian men
I think the entire premise of this discussion is unfair and warped. Its as if the entire responsibility behind why some Asian women don’t like their male counterparts lies in the men. To be fair, I can admit some but not all. Perhaps a significant reason is that some Asian women have low self esteem regarding themselves and getting together with a member of the racial majority makes themselves feel better about themselves. Or perhaps in caucasian social circles Asian men and women aren’t really treated the same. I’m not sure if women are really aware of that small little detail when they claim that Asian men aren’t assertive. Women are generally accepted and men to varying degrees are excluded. I went to West Point and was a tank commander in the U.S. Army and I can write a book on how to be assertive. But did you know that when an Asian male establishes himself as the alpha dog that often times it causes resentment in white people? But lets be serious, the real issue isn’t really that some percentage of Asian women date or marry caucasians. I don’t have a huge problem with that. The real issue is that Asian men are the least preferred as mates in America (according to MSN) despite the fact that their economic success is greater than any other group. Asian male-white female marriages number only 1/5 that of Asian female - white male. That doesn’t seem very fair, especially since the small % of Asians in America compounds the issue that Asian men have the most difficult time finding mates in America. Its one thing as a member of a racial minority to complain about discrimination at schools or jobs but this kind of discrimination is far more complicated, insidious, damaging and virtually impossible to address because it is caused by profoundly racist beliefs regarding life choices that can’t be legislated by the government. Its one thing to be victimized by white folk. To have Asian females jump on the bandwagon, well, its like getting stabbed in the back and front. Oh yeah, all those Asian male actors who perpetuate stereotypes for the sake of a paycheck and 15 minutes of fame, if I ever see any of you in person I’ll cut your nuts off.
I have visited your site before. Classy fitness model. Wanted to tell you, you have a georgous site
Very well written article. However I find it pointless to educate “self loathing” asian sisters. If they have such low self esteem towards there own kind (like this Rochelle) then let them be. We dont need to fight to prove our worth. We are Asian men and we will rule the world again.
I am a 43 y/o American white woman born & still living in a very ethnically & racially diverse area just outside of Atlanta, Georgia in the U.S.
Something I haven’t read mentioned here is how white men might percieve Asian women: the exotic personification of feminimity; more submissive & devoted, not as dificult, loud, opinionated or outspoken, & more petite, delicate, & feminin than American white women (& American black women too).
Maybe this often seen American stereotype of Asian women has white men in such awe that they persue Asian women relentlessly?
For many women it would be difficult at best to dismiss a man who sees you as this mystical creature on a pedestal to be pampered & treated with thoughtful, delicate attention.
Just the thought of such a contrast to American white women, i.e., a ’softer’ woman would make any man inherently feel strong & dominant making it easier to tap into that inner masculine strength.