What makes someone universally attractive?

First, be happy. This doesn’t mean that you are always smiley and giddy like an innocent schoolchild. It doesn’t mean that you aren’t concerned about environmental degradation or how you’re possibly going to finish all that work your boss just assigned you. This doesn’t mean being without ambition or being complacent.

Rather, this is, on the one hand, a deep self-contentment. You are satisfied with where you are in life, how far you’ve come, and where you are headed. You’ve come to terms with your mistakes in the past and appreciate your past triumphs. You are content with the progress and trajectory you see in your relationships, career, and whatever other areas of your life you value.

On the other hand, you are living a life of passion. You enjoy how you spend most of your time, whether this is at work, at your hobbies or with family and friends. You feel intensely and you are in touch with your emotions, good and bad.

Love the life you lead

If you aren’t content with yourself and aren’t passionate about how you spend your time, this is the first thing you must set about changing. If you don’t even like yourself and your own life, how can you expect an attractive person of the opposite gender to like you and want to become part of your life?

Attractive people have confidence in themselves that has nothing to do with their looks or jobs. They simply feel good about themselves and this makes them intensely desirable.

Second, be busy. Part of being passionate is having things to be passionate about. If you don’t have any hobbies or special interests outside your job, then develop them now. Universally attractive people usually have a full schedule packed with activities and events they enjoy.

Busy people don’t rush to return social phone calls, often end social phone conversations first and have to turn down many social invitations (nicely, of course) because they don’t have the time to accept them all.

Busy people are often simply too busy to waste their time wondering whether someone of the opposite gender likes them. And that makes the opposite gender want them all the more.

Third, be present. No matter how busy you are, make time for social events. If you are buried in your work every day, then it’s no wonder why you have a miserable social life and never make any new friends.

Get out there. Schedule at least one social activity a week. Go to singles’ parties. Gather your friends for an outing. Volunteer at a charitable organisation. Take up a new hobby that involves group activities. Meet new people, broaden your horizons, and practise your social skills.

Be happy. Be busy. Be present.

Learn more about dating expert Dr Date at his website: www.powerofbeingasian.com.

Have problems finding love? Make a date with Dr Date. He’ll go over the finer points of courtship in his weekly column in TheNew Paper on Sunday.

E-mail your questions to tnp@sph.com.sg

Your advice has been great. I’ve wanted to approach girls I like when I see them in the streets but I am afraid that other people are watching. What can I do about this?

Sincerely,

Worried Wayne

Dear Wayne,

Thanks for your compliment and question. So you believe that people are watching you when you are out in the day. You think they notice when you go to the coffee shop and order your cappuccino with extra foam or when you buy an extra copy of the newspaper. Who are you? A celebrity followed by paparazzi?

Let’s be real here. Do you remember things that happen to strangers? How often do you notice conversations going on around you when you are out?

People are self-centred. The streets of downtown Singapore are packed with people rushing around preoccupied with their own problems. While this lack of concern might worry an ethicist, this fact will actually benefit you.

The chances that you will see these strangers ever again are miniscule. Compound that with the chances that these strangers will even bother to notice your approach.

Furthermore, if your approach is smooth and nonchalant, people will just assume that you know the girl from somewhere.

However, you will regret that you did not have the guts to approach that girl. And chances are good that you will never see her again, either.

Compare the two scenarios, and tell me which is the more reasonable course of action.

When you let your own worries about total strangers dictate your actions, you are giving them an immense power over your own life. Don’t give other people this power over you, especially strangers.

When you are special, you will stand out. Stop trying to be ‘normal’ and ‘fit in’. Dare to be different, and defy arbitrary social norms.