The Singles’ Scene in Singapore is Alive and Well

In the midst of this scene, a cute girl pointed out ‘The Row’.

While the rare man or two or three was richly rewarded by his newly made female friends for his social bravery, there was still the infamous ‘Row’ of single men lined up along the bar and along the couches against the wall, silent, unsmiling, and scanning the room for ‘targets’, which they would be too nervous to approach in the end.

This was a scene from one of the ubiquitous singles’ events springing up all over the city leading up to Valentine’s Day yesterday.

What to do if you ever find yourself an unwilling member of the infamous Row? Read my answer to today’s reader’s question below for more on this.

Last Thursday night, I dropped in on one of these singles’ events, The Little Black Book Party, which was attended by good-looking men and women seeking increased efficiency in finding new friends and potential partners.

For an entry fee less than the price of a regular cocktail, participants were given two drink tickets and enjoyed complimentary hors d’oeuvres, snacks, and canapes.

The Little Black Book holds its singles’ events at different venues each time. This one was hosted by Le Noir at Clarke Quay. Past venues include The White Rabbit at Dempsey and Mimolette on Fairways Drive.

If you want to find out more about them, join their Facebook group, The Little Black Book.

This was not an overly contrived gathering. No awkward games, coerced interactions, or people on microphones interrupting your conversation with ‘announcements’ just when you were starting to make a real connection with your new friend. The natural flow of social dynamics prevailed.

Good singles’ events provide the conditions for effective socialising-friendly, stylish Singaporeans who are self-proclaimed singles and (gasp!) open to being approached by complete strangers.

Mix in discounted drinks and good music. And the stage is set for a fun night making new friends!

Learn more about dating expert Dr Date at his website: www.powerofbeingasian.com.

Dear DrDate,

I went to a singles’ event last week, but even though there were many single women, I didn’t know how to approach them. How would I get a girl’s number there?

Yours, Boring Bernard

Dear Bernard,

Thank you, Bernard, for your letter, in which you asked a lot more questions. I’ll answer those privately. But let’s deal with this one first.

In my column above, I mentioned The Row: That line of men standing against the wall of the club, staring ominously ahead or scanning the room nervously, not talking much to their friends and just being silent, unsmiling, trying to look cool and tough, and only interested in talking to a hot girl. These guys will most likely be going home alone.

You don’t want to be caught in The Row.

If you find yourself in The Row, ‘trying to be cool’, and actually, too afraid to talk to that cute girl in front of you, then immediately walk away. Take a breather for a few minutes. Step outside for a few minutes to get some air.

Then, when you re-enter the venue, be the social guy.

Talk to the first friendly person you see, whether it’s the bouncer, a random guy, or an old woman.

Your opener can be as simple and effective as, ‘Hey, having a good time tonight?’ If you get a friendly response, follow this up by introducing yourself: ‘My name is . What’s yours?’

Work the room. Talk to every friendly person you see, guy or girl. You don’t have to talk to the person for long. Even just a minute will do to make a good impression.

Eventually, you will make your way to that cute girl you didn’t have the courage to approach earlier. But now you built up for yourself some social momentum. Talk to her just like you’ve been talking to everybody else up to then.

Remember, it’s perfectly normal and even a highly valuable skill to start conversations with total strangers.

After you make emotional and social connections, see if the girl meets your standards. After this, it should seem natural for both of you to want to continue your conversation at another time. It could be as simple as ‘let’s trade contact info, do you have your phone with you?’ And then exchange numbers or e-mail addresses or name cards.

I go into all of this in much more detail in my Dating 101 audio course, which you can find on my website.