Be a Man: Make Your Own Decisions

This is especially pertinent when it comes to listening to the opinions of your date, girlfriend, lover, partner, or spouse.

But this also applies to the opinions of a man’s male friends.

I have seen moments of weakness in men, and I have been as guilty as the rest of us. A man is unduly influenced in his opinion of his love interest, girlfriend or spouse just because some of his friends think she isn’t as attractive as he thinks.

Since he cares too much about the opinions of others, he begins to doubt himself.

Perhaps the friends have good reasons for wanting him to be less attracted to her. Maybe they want him to see that she is deceiving him in some way.

Or maybe they are just envious and want to ruin their friend’s ‘undeserved’ happiness.

Regardless, a strong man will take their opinions and reasons into account but will ultimately make up his own mind. A strong man is not easily swayed by the opinions of others.

This is especially important when it comes to a man’s dealings with his girl.

A man should always listen to his woman. But in the end, he should make his own decision.

If you choose to follow your woman’s suggestion, even when deep down you know a different decision would be better, then you are basically communicating to yourself, her, and the world, ‘I do not trust my own judgment’.

You are weakening yourself by telling yourself this. You are undermining your woman’s trust in you. This is a huge turn-off. Why would she trust you if you don’t even trust yourself?

Take responsibility

If, however, you listen to your woman and then make your own decision based on your own authentic, genuine intent, then you are saying, ‘My best judgment is leading me to this decision. I am willing to be wrong. If I am wrong, I will learn and grow from it. I am open to listening to others, but I take responsibility for my own decisions. There is nobody else to blame.’

This applies to such trivial choices as which restaurant to go to, as well as major decisions like relocating to another country.

Your attitude of self-trust engenders others’ trust in you. Be a leader. Make your own decisions. And be ready to take responsibility.

Learn more about dating expert Dr Date at his website: www.powerofbeingasian.com.

I have been married to my husband for over five years, and we are still young and without children. He works during the day, and I look after the home. I feel like it’s getting harder to keep his attention and interest. We’ve been going on dates once every two weeks to keep things fresh, but he often still ignores me, snaps at me rudely, and basically treats me badly. What should I do?

Sincerely, Anjuli

Dear Anjuli,

It’s possible that his neglect and bad treatment of you stems from something in his past or upbringing, or maybe it’s a result of something deeper. If this continues to be a persistent problem, perhaps you should consider seeing a marriage therapist.

For now, try out these three recommendations.

1.Dress up, and dress sexier. No man likes coming home to a woman wearing dowdy sweatpants or pyjamas all the time. Try to be more fashionable - tight jeans, miniskirts, or a low-cut top to show off a bit of your cleavage.

Get lean. Join a gym, and start working off those extra kilos. Put on make-up and perfume, even just for dinner at home. Do your hair. Pretend you are dating him.

2.Act more independent. Always be going somewhere. Don’t sit on the couch waiting for him to return. Don’t bore him with details about your day. Make lots of plans with your friends and family. Go shopping at VivoCity. Catch an afternoon movie at the Cineleisure. Just get out there. Men love independent women because they leave them alone. Men love chasing busy women.

3.Get a hobby. Don’t nag him to give up his sports, buddies, or work just because you feel neglected. You will get even more attention from him if you become even busier than he is. Go for a jog or take up an aerobics class at the gym. Get involved in a charity, read books, take up a sport.

Stay independent and busy. Don’t hang around nagging him. Get out there, and he’ll start chasing you.