Speak Up

He had to lean in and try repeatedly, and people became frustrated.

I saw some of them shake their heads and walk away, not because a stranger had approached them to ask an innocent question, but because they simply couldn’t hear what he was saying. His vocal tonality was like a social repellent.

In many ways, your voice conveys your identity. Its tonality can tell people about the kind of person you are, how you feel about yourself, and what you believe in.

In my previous columns, which you can find archived on my website, I have examined some of the body language and mindset. Now it’s time to turn to tonality

Recall the landmark study at UCLA that discovered 93 per cent of likeability is attributable not to what you say, but how you say it. Body language accounted for 55 per cent, verbal content for just 7 per cent, and vocal tonality 38 per cent.

Breathe

The foundation of all good tonality is proper breathing. One of the best aids to proper breathing is proper posture.

Keep your back straight back. Your shoulders should be broad, your head up and chin slightly above parallel, and your hips forward the way they would be if you were on tiptoes. And smile.

When your upper body is straight, you will be better able to breathe from your diaphragm - the sheet of muscle beneath your rib cage. Your stomach, not your upper chest, should rise and fall with each inhalation and exhalation.

Breathing from your diaphragm rather than your upper chest will more effectively fill your lungs with air, giving full power to your words.

This is the kind of breathing employed by, among others, professional wind players, opera singers, and stage actors.

One of the biggest problems with tonality is a voice that is too soft or quiet. Practice projecting your voice in a high arc extending a few feet beyond your listener.

Don’t strain your throat. The extra power should come from your diaphragm.

If you are projecting properly, your voice should sound louder in your head than you are used to.

Don’t worry about talking too loudly. Chances are good that your friends will start complimenting you on how clearly you’ve started speaking.

Learn more about dating expert Dr Date at his website: www.powerofbeingasian.com

Dear Donna,

Unless you relish the dominant role, which you clearly do not, you should encourage your boyfriend to step up and assume more leadership.

If he would rather submit to your leadership, then perhaps your personalities clash. And if it is that important to you, I recommend you find a more dominant guy.

Generally, it is much better for the women to be mysterious and let the man open up first. He should be the first to declare his love, just as he should suggest most of the movies, the restaurants, and the concerts you two go to. He should be open to your preferences, but also take the lead and have a mind of his own.

He will cherish you much more if you hold back and let him take the lead. Plus, with a leading man, you’ll be a happier gal!