Believability 102

Your assignment was to come up with at least five non-physical traits that you are looking for in a romantic partner.

Now that you’ve got those five traits, it’s time to start letting people know that you have standards. The key is subtlety.

Let’s say you’re looking for a girl who is artistic. You can ask, ‘So what kind of art do you do?’

Notice the positive presumption. You assume that she’s into art and now you’re asking what kind she does. If she doesn’t do any art, she will still be flattered by your veiled compliment. And you will have communicated that you have standards in a subtle way.

Another great question along these lines is, ‘So, where do you like to travel?’ Again, notice the positive presumption. Not, ‘Do you?’ but rather, ‘Where?’

Now here comes the most important part. If she puts any effort into answering your question or into showing that she meets your standards, reward her with a compliment.

For example, if she tells you about her hobby of painting watercolours, you can say, ‘Wow, you really are artistic. I like that about you. So how did you learn to paint?’

Women will appreciate that you consider them as multi-dimensional rather than as eye candy. The most effective way to do this is to truly have high standards.

Think again about what non-physical qualities you’re looking for in a woman, and then actively go about looking for these characteristics in the people you talk to.

You’ll be amazed at how quickly you attract both people you are interested in and people who are interested in you. You might even learn some new things about your old acquaintances.

Learn more about dating expert Dr Date at his website: www.powerofbeingasian.com

My boyfriend and I are having problems. But whenever we talk about it and I tell him how I feel, he just keeps asking me what I want from him. And when I ask him how he feels, he just goes silent. How can I get him to open up about his emotions?

Yours, Frustrated Fiona
Dear Fiona,

Take heart in knowing that your boyfriend’s case is not unusual. He is probably a guy’s guy, into sports and cars and typical boy hobbies.

Boy’s culture does not really encourage displays of emotion or reflection on feelings. Until that changes, if it ever does, girls and emotionally attuned males will have to account for this.

To get most guys to change, it usually does no good to ask him to get in touch with his emotions. Instead, tell him simply what you want him to change and why.

If, for example, whenever he comes home late from work and goes straight to the television and then to sleep, making you feel neglected, lonely, and depressed, then tell him exactly that. Then tell him you understand that he’s tired, but that you want more time with him.

It’s good to express how you feel. But most men don’t know what to do with your feelings. So remember to suggest specific actions for him to do.