Be Social; Don’t Focus on Pick Up

Most people are not so fortunate. And some of them simply never meet new love interests.

Years go by without a date. They spend New Year’s Eve alone or with friends, pizza delivery, or a DVD.

If this is you, realise that you might never meet your ideal partner naturally and that you must take immediate action even if you don’t feel like it.

Here is a great habit to have in your life: Carry out one social activity a week.

Just do it

Do this no matter what, even if you don’t want to.

The following are some suggestions, but I am sure you can think of more.

Attend a singles’ party. I know of several in town, including the Little Black Book Party at Mimolette on Thursdays.

Volunteer at a charitable organisation. Take up a new hobby that involves group activities, such as singing in a choir, forming your own band, or acting in a community production.

If you have the means, book a trip to Club Med, hire a dating coach or join a club.

You don’t have to be any good at these activities to start. You just have to stick them in your schedule, show up, be sociable and smile.

Maybe you are worried that you have to go alone. That is no excuse to sit at home. Many people I know had to drag themselves to a social activity alone, and those were the nights they met their current partner.

Sometimes, it is better to go alone because you can manage your own time and go with the social flow. Besides, as an adult, you must learn to accept that you cannot always cling to someone for support.

At the start, these social activities may not always be pleasant or comfortable. But many of the most worthwhile things in life are outside one’s comfort zone.

Even if you do not meet your ideal mate, just going out - whether it is to a museum, a sports event, or a party - is good for you. You meet new people, broaden your horizons, and practise your social skills.

Tell your friends that you’re going to take up at least one social activity this week. And stick with it!

Learn more about dating expert Dr Date at his website: www.powerofbeingasian.com.

My husband says he loves me, but he is always so busy these days with work. He often snaps when I interrupt him while he’s working. Why does his work always seem more important? Does it mean he doesn’t really love me?

Yours, Lonely Laura

Dear Laura,

WHEN your man is hard at work, it does not necessarily mean he is shutting you out. Many of the most successful men in the world are like this. They are either in one mode or another.

For example, a man could be having serious problems with his wife, but still enjoy a fishing trip with his friends. On the fishing trip, a friend could ask, ‘How are things at home?’ He may say, ‘Man, it sucks. Wow, look at the size of that fish!’

For some people, especially women, their intimate relationship touches every aspect of their lives no matter what they are doing.

A man who temporarily ‘forgets’ his relationship may not be avoiding his feelings. He just has a different way of approaching things. He exists in a world of problems, functions, and challenges. When he is focused on something, everything else disappears.

It is not fair for you to be neglected. So don’t disown your feelings. If you really feel it is best for him to be interrupted, then go ahead and do it.

But remember that you will probably encounter some initial resentment because his mind is stuck on something else. It just means he needs some time to switch his attention to you.