Thought Leader Interview with Lance
December 29, 2008
You might remember when I mentioned that I was named, along with such guys as Sinn and Dave Wygant, as one of the top Thought Leaders in the community by Honey and Lance. Following up on that, Lance has been doing email interviews with each of the Thought Leaders, and he just posted his interview with me.
If you haven’t checked out Honey and Lance yet, do it now. You’ll thank me profusely afterwards. Their site is easily one of the most insightful, candid, and well-balanced forums on dating and relationships. Most notably, their probing analyses and entertaining writing have attracted several articulate and highly intelligent female bloggers who have been interacting with both Honey and Lance and generating great discussions.
Here’s the original post on the Thought Leaders.
Here’s my interview with Lance.
I’ve pasted it below for your convenience. Check out the discussion over at Honey and Lance!
Peeps, I hope everyone had a lovely holiday weekend. I sure did. It’s a new week, so that means the Thought Leader Interview Series continues. Today we’re featuring one of the smartest guys in pickup, The Asian Rake, who bequeathed us one of the most thoughtful and provocative interviews to date. Be sure to check out his excellent blog, Dr. Asian Rake, and also his website, The Power of Being Asian. Holy cow, this stuff is awesome. Feel free to debate his points in the comments.
Money quote:
“As women continue to gain ground in the professional workforce, especially in socially conservative countries, the male provider mindset will drop away, not entirely, but considerably. In some countries, this might take 40 or 50 years instead of 10 or 20. But it’s bound to happen. When it does, society will have to come to grips with the fact that women want sexual satisfaction as much as men do and that many formal courtship patterns are unnecessary and even irrational.”
Based on your experience, what is your perspective on modern dating and how has it evolved in the last decade or so?
“Dating”? If you mean, a guy and a girl going out on some elaborate or expensive events with the explicit purpose of screening each other (or more likely, her screening him) for a long-term relationship leading to marriage, well, my perspective is that “dating” should have gone out the window ages ago. The fact is, though, it has stayed with us.
Modern dating still evinces vestiges of Victorian era courtship patterns. The full implications of the sexual revolution of the 50s and 60s in the US are still working themselves out in societies all over the world. There is still no consensus over such simple questions like whether a guy should pay for dinner on the first date. A lot of the male provider mindset still persists among both men and women despite the great strides women have made in the professional world and the fact that they can now provide for themselves.
A lot of people have been turning to online dating and matchmaking services, especially in conservative societies like Singapore. Facebook and other social networking sites have made it much easier for people to keep in contact with their extended social circles and more effortlessly expand their social network. But they’re also exposing people to more social risks and discouraging people from gaining in-person social calibration.
How has pickup affected the playing field, and do you see pickup going mainstream any time soon?
With the mainstream exposure of the pick-up community in America in the past few years, a lot of people have been exposed to the basic principles of the Mystery Method, but only a minority really believes it can be done. Even fewer have the courage or social freedom to try them out or have any calibration or practical experience in applying them. So while they have heard of negs or false time constraints, they often don’t understand the principles behind these techniques and have no idea how to calibrate these properly.
The best parts of pick-up draw from research in social and evolutionary psychology and neuroscience. Such aspects of pick-up that would resonate with the mainstream are those that are also found in a range of self-help books. It’s just that in pick-up, they are specifically adapted to attracting women.
The rest of the material will always be too extreme. As mainstream society adopts more of the community’s teachings, the community will and should continue to push the envelope and test the limits. That’s part of the reason for its effectiveness. By definition, the cutting edge will never be mainstream.
Where do you see dating & courtship headed in the future, like in 10 or 20 years from now?
Spending most of the year outside the US and in socially conservative cultures, I take a global perspective. As women continue to gain ground in the professional workforce, especially in socially conservative countries, the male provider mindset will drop away, not entirely, but considerably. In some countries, this might take 40 or 50 years instead of 10 or 20. But it’s bound to happen. When it does, society will have to come to grips with the fact that women want sexual satisfaction as much as men do and that many formal courtship patterns are unnecessary and even irrational.
Do you see any evolutions or new trends emerging in dating / relationships?
The pick-up community is evolving out of its immature reliance on other people’s scripted and canned material. When a critical mass of the community reaches a level closer to what we used to consider “mastery,” they will form a growing consensus that the most important catalysts of transformation are primarily lifestyle, identity, and social calibration. Basically, who you are and how you convey that.
This change will be slow, though, because as guys get closer to “mastery,” they tend to leave the community. I’ve been feeling that draw myself for over a year now. They are happy with their social skills and female companions and become busy mastering other areas of their lives.
These men are often replaced by boys re-inventing the wheel, looking for the magic bullets and surface embellishments to a f-cked up interior and a fragile foundation. Eventually, if these boys continue pushing themselves and persevere, they’ll realize they have to fix the foundation and start from ground zero. Ideally, each successive generation of newbies will start at a higher level. In this way, there can be advancement across the board.
Over time, the cutting edge will move into the area of managing relationships, the shadowy land lying beyond attraction, comfort, and seduction. There have been guys who theorize about this topic, but it’s still in its infancy. The past year also witnessed an explosion of material on social circle game. The developments in this area will target more specialized segments in terms of socio-economic class and sub-cultures.
What’s your best piece of advice for someone jumping into the dating pool?
If you’re just starting out and haven’t read any other community e-books or products, then get my Dating 101, which you can find on my website. Okay, now that my shameless plug is over with, I’d recommend the following for guys. The most important factors are all long-term processes.
- Get a fashion and grooming makeover. Pay for an image consultant if you have to. It’s not because looks matter, though of course they do. It’s because your outward appearance dramatically affects the way you view yourself and how you sub-communicate your self-image. Theoretically, this is the easiest and quickest step.
- Get a fitness plan and a personal fitness coach and start getting into the best shape of your life. This isn’t just to make you look sexy, but more importantly, for you to feel energetic and exude vitality.
- Develop a lifestyle you are proud of. Make your life generate social value passively. It’s like passive income. Live your life the way you want, and with little additional effort on your part, other people will find you immensely attractive.
- Do daily affirmations and visualizations based on your ideal self, your archetype, the kind of man you want to be.
- Practice being observant. Train your mind to notice quirky details and interesting things in your environment.
- Learn two or three simple opening lines. Then…
- Go to a lounge that you like, smile, head straight to the bar, and talk to the first person you see.
What’s on the horizon for the Asian Rake in 2009?
2008 saw a lot of changes in my personal and professional life. And I moved around in three different countries. I’m looking forward to 2009 being a year of settling down and being grounded for a little while. Then again, I say that every year, and I still end up traveling the world! I’ve gotta say, it’s an extraordinarily liberating feeling that comes from knowing you can move to a new city anywhere in the world and, with an investment of five minutes during the day and another few hours in the evening, have in your life a brand new girlfriend or two. This makes it highly tempting to travel around.
We hope to release the Power of Being Asian product early in the new year. I’m super pumped about it. It’s been a long time coming and encapsulates many of my thoughts and experiences from the past few years. We’ll also be rethinking how we do our personal coaching and making the overall educational experience more efficient and transformative.
Happy New Year
December 28, 2008
My latest The New Paper columns.
Happy New Year!
| The Electric New Paper : | |
| Dr Date | |
| A ladies’ man at just 9 | |
| AT only 9 years old, it will be several years before Alec Greven will be allowed to date. | |
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| 29 December 2008 | |
| AT only 9 years old, it will be several years before Alec Greven will be allowed to date.
But the fourth-grader from Castle Rock, Colorado, has taken what started out as a US$3 ($4.50) handwritten pamphlet at his school fair and transformed it into a delightfully illustrated 46-page book entitled How To Talk To Girls. He’s also charmed his way through American media - CNN, the New York Post and the Ellen DeGeneres show. Of his book, he concedes: ‘I never expected people to buy it like a regular book in a bookstore.’ But his simple advice, refreshingly devoid of any agenda of political correctness, has struck a chord with boys and girls of all ages. He recommends cutting down on sugary foods and controlling your hyperness, combing your hair and ditching sweat clothes, and going easy on the compliments to avoid looking desperate. He advocates the best opener is a simple ‘Hi’. ‘If I say ‘hi’, and you say ‘hi’ back, we’re off to a good start,’ he explains. His mother credits his precocity to his voracious reading habits that have him reading books even at the dinner table, much to her consternation. His school officials say he wrote the book for kids but believe anyone can find inspiration in it. Some think that men who are good with women are just born that way. But here’s a secret. They were not born with an inherent understanding of social dynamics. At some point early in their lives, they made a decision to learn about people, including pretty girls, and get good at interacting with them. Social skills can and should be taught, learned, and practised. And it’s never too early or too late. Learn more about dating expert Dr Date at his website: www.powerofbeingasian.com Dear Dr Date, Last year, I went to a club to celebrate New Year’s Eve with my friends. But they were all couples, so when midnight came, they were all kissing, and I was all alone. It was one of the loneliest and longest moments I’ve ever had. I’m dreading New Year’s Eve now. What should I do? Sincerely, Single Sarah Dear Sarah, New Year’s Eve. How did the last day of the year become as couple-centric as Valentine’s Day? It’s even become a cliche to cap the festivities with a mandatory kiss as the grand finale. No wonder the unattached are so horrified by these hallmark holidays. So what to do? 1.Be a holiday hermit. After over a decade of wild New Year’s Eve parties, this option is starting to look really good to me right now. Who wants the hassle of jostling with the drunken crowds, being gouged by the exorbitant nightclub entrance fees and bottle charges, squeezing into the overcrowded public train, or fighting with the sweaty masses to get a coveted cab? Well, okay, some don’t mind. But still. It’d be nice to have a more civilised, pampered, reflective experience once in a while. Why not slip into your most comfortable pair of pajamas, pop open a bottle (or two) of champagne, cuddle a plate of your favourite hors d’oeuvres, and party with revellers on three different continents on TV? 2.Take a bathroom break Party with your friends as originally planned, but this time, at 11.57pm, go for a bathroom break and skip the whole countdown altogether. Maybe you’ll meet a fellow single in the bathroom queue trying the same strategy and can console each other. I’m half-joking, by the way. 3.Be social and find your own date Even better, keep a lookout for a romantic prospect in the hours leading up to the countdown. Be social and have a good time. To ascertain whether your prospect is single, ask a simple question. If the prospect is with a group, ask them, ‘So how do you all know each other?’ and if the prospect is alone, ask, ‘So who did you come with?’ Trust me. If they are single, they will want your company as much as you want theirs. At least 15 minutes before midnight, make sure you’re having fun and chatting with your prospect. Then, when the countdown comes, it’s natural to kiss. Don’t worry what others think. It’s New Year’s Eve. It doesn’t count. And now you have a new friend! Happy New Year! |
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Copyright © 2005 Singapore Press Holdings Ltd. Co. Regn. No. 198402868E. All rights reserved.
Privacy Statement and Conditions of Access |
Feature article in the Shin Min Daily News
December 25, 2008
Here’s wishing you and your loved ones a very merry Christmas!
A while back, the Shin Min Daily News, the most respected Chinese newspaper in Singapore, ran a feature on me. They used that “30 girls in 2 months” headline, which I totally detest, but I guess that’s what grabs people’s attention. Ironic.
So for you Chinese readers, here it is:
Open Relationships
December 22, 2008
The new columns for The New Paper.
The Electric New Paper :
Dr Date
Do talk to strangers
I’VE been told that Singaporeans don’t like it when strangers start conversations with them. I’ve also heard that Singaporeans are uncomfortable with frequent stranger- to-stranger interaction.
By David Tian
22 December 2008
I’VE been told that Singaporeans don’t like it when strangers start conversations with them. I’ve also heard that Singaporeans are uncomfortable with frequent stranger- to-stranger interaction.
But this has not been my experience.
Recently, I was queueing at a local fast-food joint and sending an SMS on my handphone when a man behind me commented on how slim and fashionable my smartphone looked.
He said he was considering getting the same phone and wanted my opinion of it. This led to a brief but pleasant conversation.
Later that day, a pretty woman in a lift complimented me on my cowboy boots, which led to a friendly chat about where to get the best Hokkien mee at suppertime.
At the lounge in the evening, a nice middle-aged couple nearby asked my friend the name of his strangely coloured drink, which also led to an enjoyable exchange.
When I made eye contact with the couple next to us, they introduced themselves, we chatted and they had the waiter bring more glasses so that we could all share their bottles of wine.
In all these cases, I was the recipient of friendly approaches from perfect strangers. And that was just a single day.
Human beings are social creatures. As Harvard-educated psychologist Daniel Goleman wrote in his recent book, Social Intelligence, human beings are wired to connect.
Extensive research in neuroscience has shown that our brain’s very design makes us sociable.
People thrive on social connection. Those who can generate honest, positive interactions will be welcomed anywhere.
Even better, if your society really is cold and closed. Then you will stand out even more as an agent of positive change and a source of warm feelings.
Remember this the next time you’re hesitant about approaching a total stranger for a chat.
It’s really the natural thing to do.
Learn more about dating expert
Dr Date at his website: www.powerofbeingasian.com
Dear Dr Date,
I know my boyfriend is seeing other women. Whenever I confront him about it, he admits to it but says that he loves me and still wants to be with me.
I’ve thought a lot about it. I know he enjoys chasing girls. But I also know how he feels about me.
I’m not looking for a husband at this time. Truthfully, I don’t care who he dates as long as he keeps seeing me and as long as it doesn’t interfere with what we have. I don’t want him to talk about them around me, and he obeys me on that one.
But my friends think I’m insane. What should I do?
Yours, Questioning Queenie
Dear Queenie,
Your question shows a great deal of maturity and broad-mindedness. What you describe sounds like an open relationship. I wonder if your boyfriend would allow you to see other men. It’s something worth discussing with him. At least you will know where you both stand on that.
It is possible to thrive in an open relationship but it is very tricky. This is a decision you must make for yourself. You should be very aware of and clear about your personal boundaries, what you are willing to accept from him and yourself.
It sounds like you are already okay with the idea of an open relationship and are willing to give it a try.
You may be reassured in knowing that many others have had considerable success in maintaining open relationships. I have witnessed some of these personally.
I would not advocate a return to the time of King Solomon or the Chinese scholar-elite in imperial dynasties.
There is, though, something to be said for being honest with yourself about what you really want in a relationship at this time and to disregard society’s arbitrary social conventions and norms.
If he means enough to you that you can accept this aspect of him, then prepare yourself for one heck of a ride. There is always the possibility of jealousy rearing its ugly head.
If you decide that this is not for you, then end it abruptly and quickly.
Copyright © 2005 Singapore Press Holdings Ltd. Co. Regn. No. 198402868E. All rights reserved.
Privacy Statement and Conditions of Access
9 year old Ladies’ Man
December 19, 2008
A natural in the making.
Alec Greven just published a book called, How to Talk to Girls. He’s coming out with a series of other books like, How to Talk to Moms. Fox has already bought the rights to a film adaptation of the book. He’s appeared on CNN and some prominent American talk shows.
Here’s the synopsis of the book:
Are you smart enough to take over a girl’s heart?
Leave it to a nine-year-old to get down to the basics about how to win victory with a girl. How to talk to girls is for boys of all ages—from eight to eighty—and the girls they like. So read this book and then you’re ready. Good luck!
Tips:
Comb your hair and don’t wear sweats
Control your hyperness (cut down on the sugar if you have to)
Don’t act desperate
Haha. Great tips for sure.
Emotional Contagion: How You Make Her Feel the Way YOU Feel
December 15, 2008
This is my latest article for Amped Asia. I’m a little apprehensive that it will go over the heads of general readers. But I really do think it introduces a groundbreaking concept for the social arts community.
Emotional Contagion and How to Harness It
As usual, if you haven’t got the fundamentals down yet, then take care of those first–body language and positioning, eye contact, vocal tonality, and most importantly, your mindset. Or just take my course specifically designed to teach just this–Essentials of Dating.
In the last article, I talked about the importance of having fun and how to start having fun no matter where you are.
While knowing what to do is helpful, it’s even better to understand WHY something works. That way, you can adapt it to different contexts, internalize it, and make it your own.
In a very interesting book called Social Intelligence, Daniel Goleman, author of the bestselling Emotional Intelligence, draws attention to some highly illuminating research in psychology and neuroscience that helps to explain exactly why one’s “state” and “having fun” are necessary and so effective in attracting women.
(Incidentally, for those who have read my blog article on “How to Project a Sexual Vibe,” this also provides a scientific explanation for why sexual state transference works so well. If you haven’t read it, go to my website and click on Best of the Blog.)
When I first started coaching, I wondered why even though I could give some random guy the exact same words I say to women, he could sometimes still bomb miserably.
Even when he modeled my body language and vocal tonality, although the response was somewhat better, there was still something wrong.
He would still come across as too contrived, too fake, too insincere. His sub-communications betrayed him.
I came to realize that actually underlying all of the words, body language, and tonality was the bedrock foundation: Mental and Emotional State.
Whatever you are feeling at the time, she will eventually start to feel. If she does not like the feelings you are transferring to her, she will respond almost immediately by cringing and pushing away.
This explains why I have seen naturals with lazy body language, sloppy tonality, and the most offensive words still manage to attract multiple women in mere minutes. It was because of the principle of Emotional Contagion.
If a man is not feeling confident or comfortable or content, then he will very likely turn off whatever girl he is talking to regardless of his words, body language, or tonality.
What’s going on here? Now it’s time for a little lesson in neuroscience. By the way, all of this is common knowledge in the field.
The amygdala is a key part of the human brain and acts as the brain’s system for emotional contagion. Among its many functions, it extracts emotional meaning from nonverbal images, such as a frown, a sudden change of posture, or a jump in a tone of voice. This happens in a split second, even before the rest of the brain can process what we are looking at.
What’s also interesting is that the amygdala has no access to the brain’s centers of speech. It is, literally, speechless. When we register a feeling, signals from our brain’s wiring, instead of alerting the verbal areas, which express what we know using words, mimic the emotion in our own bodies.
The amygdala registers the emotional aspects of whatever we perceive—nervous mannerisms and twitches, the resigned slouch of defeat, the sensuality of a sexy smile—and then processes that data subliminally, below the level of conscious awareness. This reflexive, unconscious process then carries that emotion into us by priming the reciprocal feeling (which may sometimes be different, such as feeling fear on seeing anger). This is the mechanism for “catching” a feeling from someone else.
Quoting Goleman:
“The fact that we can trigger any emotion at all in someone else—or they in us—testifies to the powerful mechanism by which one person’s feelings spread to another. Such contagions are the central transaction in the emotional economy, the give-and-take of feeling that accompanies every human encounter we have, no matter what the ostensible business at hand may be.”
Because all this emotional processing and transference happens faster than the conscious, verbal parts of our brains can take in, we are often at a loss as to why we feel or reacted the way we did. This is what drives people to backward rationalize.
Borrowing a phrase from David DeAngelo, “Attraction is not a choice.”
Attraction is not even conscious.
Clearly then, what is sabotaging the poor random guy mimicking my words is that he is feeling and thus transferring the wrong emotions.
How then do you generate and transfer the right emotions?
Having the right words, body language, and tonality help because if you adopt the right outward, physical stance, vocal sounds, and words, it will help to generate within you the corresponding appropriate feelings.
If you stand confidently, you will then tend to feel confident. If you speak with a strong tone of voice, you will then tend to feel strong. In this regard, words are not as powerful in affecting one’s state as body language and tonality are.
If you know some hypnosis or neuro-linguistic programming, then you should avail yourself of those helpful tools for altering your state, as well.
But even the average Joe can start to do this. Re-read the previous article in which I talk about outcome independence and how to have fun.
This is really about controlling your own sub-communications. Maybe if you are a really good actor, you might have developed some degree of control over these. But for most people, it is far more efficient and effective to monitor your emotional state and coax it in the right direction.
Your emotional state in many ways dictates your sub-communications, which trigger the process of state transference in the people around you.
Learn to have fun and to be happy and positive about yourself and life. Be passionate about your passions! If you don’t have any passions yet, well, that’s probably a major reason you are not yet having remarkable success with women. Explore your interests. Develop passions in life.
Feel intensely. A common characteristic of charismatic individuals is that they feel emotions strongly. Encourage and develop those tendencies within yourself. Be passionate. You will draw others to you in an almost effortless way because you will be transferring your good feelings to them.
As New Age-y or Buddhist as this probably sounds, if you learn to identify the emotions you feel, you will start to be able to control your own emotional states.
For example, learn that even in stressful situations, there are many effective ways of inducing calm and relaxation in yourself. Learn the many different ways of generating in yourself the feelings of gratitude, happiness, or excitement.
If you want your partner to feel sexually aroused, you can cause yourself to feel turned on while looking deeply into your partner’s eyes. This is so powerful that I caution novices from using this until you’ve gained more experience inducing less intense emotions.
Next time you talk to people, pay attention to your emotional state. Induce in yourself the feelings you want the other person to have, and then see the magic work.
Not only will you be more attractive, you will also be a more empowered and happy person.
Happy playin’, Dr. Asian Rake.
Hilarious Mehow Tribute Song
December 15, 2008
Absolutely hilarious! One must be reminded to laugh at oneself often and loudly!
Be Social; Don’t Focus on Pick Up
December 14, 2008
Here’s the latest The New Paper article. I draw from Deida and The Rules, making seduction mainstream 
| The Electric New Paper : | |
| Dr Date | |
| Do one social activity a week | |
| SOME people are lucky. They marry their childhood sweetheart at age 22 and never have to worry about dating again. | |
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| 15 December 2008 | |
| SOME people are lucky. They marry their childhood sweetheart at age 22 and never have to worry about dating again.
Most people are not so fortunate. And some of them simply never meet new love interests. Years go by without a date. They spend New Year’s Eve alone or with friends, pizza delivery, or a DVD. If this is you, realise that you might never meet your ideal partner naturally and that you must take immediate action even if you don’t feel like it. Here is a great habit to have in your life: Carry out one social activity a week. Just do it Do this no matter what, even if you don’t want to. The following are some suggestions, but I am sure you can think of more. Attend a singles’ party. I know of several in town, including the Little Black Book Party at Mimolette on Thursdays. Volunteer at a charitable organisation. Take up a new hobby that involves group activities, such as singing in a choir, forming your own band, or acting in a community production. If you have the means, book a trip to Club Med, hire a dating coach or join a club. You don’t have to be any good at these activities to start. You just have to stick them in your schedule, show up, be sociable and smile. Maybe you are worried that you have to go alone. That is no excuse to sit at home. Many people I know had to drag themselves to a social activity alone, and those were the nights they met their current partner. Sometimes, it is better to go alone because you can manage your own time and go with the social flow. Besides, as an adult, you must learn to accept that you cannot always cling to someone for support. At the start, these social activities may not always be pleasant or comfortable. But many of the most worthwhile things in life are outside one’s comfort zone. Even if you do not meet your ideal mate, just going out - whether it is to a museum, a sports event, or a party - is good for you. You meet new people, broaden your horizons, and practise your social skills. Tell your friends that you’re going to take up at least one social activity this week. And stick with it! Learn more about dating expert Dr Date at his website: www.powerofbeingasian.com. Dear Dr Date, My husband says he loves me, but he is always so busy these days with work. He often snaps when I interrupt him while he’s working. Why does his work always seem more important? Does it mean he doesn’t really love me? Yours, Lonely Laura Dear Laura, WHEN your man is hard at work, it does not necessarily mean he is shutting you out. Many of the most successful men in the world are like this. They are either in one mode or another. For example, a man could be having serious problems with his wife, but still enjoy a fishing trip with his friends. On the fishing trip, a friend could ask, ‘How are things at home?’ He may say, ‘Man, it sucks. Wow, look at the size of that fish!’ For some people, especially women, their intimate relationship touches every aspect of their lives no matter what they are doing. A man who temporarily ‘forgets’ his relationship may not be avoiding his feelings. He just has a different way of approaching things. He exists in a world of problems, functions, and challenges. When he is focused on something, everything else disappears. It is not fair for you to be neglected. So don’t disown your feelings. If you really feel it is best for him to be interrupted, then go ahead and do it. But remember that you will probably encounter some initial resentment because his mind is stuck on something else. It just means he needs some time to switch his attention to you. |
Being Back Home
December 11, 2008
Ah, despite the subzero temperatures and snowy conditions, it is soo good to be back home in the Great White North. Gearing up now for short trips to Michigan, NYC, and Hong Kong on the way back to Singapore.
It’s especially nice to be back in a land of tolerance and acceptance, especially regarding forms of sexual expression and different kinds of lifestyles and relationships. A nice change from Singapore society.
Just started exploring the Japan Lair, which seems to have a surprising number of experienced and mature posters, and found it a healthy and refreshing alternative to the schizophrenia and navel-gazing of some local lairs. Ganbatte!
Btw, Lance of Honey and Lance was generous enough to mention me in his Thought Leaders post. Their blog is one of the best resources out there combining perspectives from both genders, presenting a well-balanced perspective on the “community,” and highlighting controversial viewpoints from diverse approaches to the social arts. Keep it up, guys!
I’ve also been recommending to a lot of people the interview series by Nick Sparks in which Nick talks to cute girls. Here’s an example of one in which he ends up making out with this girl that he had only met about 10 minutes prior to the filming. This is high energy vibing (in a low energy environment no less) at its best.
Believability 102
December 8, 2008
The next article on Believability for The New Paper. It’s quite amazing and gratifying to see that one can write about the lessons one’s learned from the social arts in a mainstream national newspaper.
Regular blog readers should recognize the influence from Juggler and Deida.
Peace and love, Dr. Asian Rake.
| The Electric New Paper : |
| Dr Date |
| Set your sights high on dating radar |
| LAST week, I wrote about having standards in women that go beyond physical attractiveness. If you missed that, go to my website and check out that article. |
| 08 December 2008 |
| LAST week, I wrote about having standards in women that go beyond physical attractiveness. If you missed that, go to my website and check out that article.
Your assignment was to come up with at least five non-physical traits that you are looking for in a romantic partner. Now that you’ve got those five traits, it’s time to start letting people know that you have standards. The key is subtlety. Let’s say you’re looking for a girl who is artistic. You can ask, ‘So what kind of art do you do?’ Notice the positive presumption. You assume that she’s into art and now you’re asking what kind she does. If she doesn’t do any art, she will still be flattered by your veiled compliment. And you will have communicated that you have standards in a subtle way. Another great question along these lines is, ‘So, where do you like to travel?’ Again, notice the positive presumption. Not, ‘Do you?’ but rather, ‘Where?’ Now here comes the most important part. If she puts any effort into answering your question or into showing that she meets your standards, reward her with a compliment. For example, if she tells you about her hobby of painting watercolours, you can say, ‘Wow, you really are artistic. I like that about you. So how did you learn to paint?’ Women will appreciate that you consider them as multi-dimensional rather than as eye candy. The most effective way to do this is to truly have high standards. Think again about what non-physical qualities you’re looking for in a woman, and then actively go about looking for these characteristics in the people you talk to. You’ll be amazed at how quickly you attract both people you are interested in and people who are interested in you. You might even learn some new things about your old acquaintances. Learn more about dating expert Dr Date at his website: www.powerofbeingasian.com Dear DrDate, My boyfriend and I are having problems. But whenever we talk about it and I tell him how I feel, he just keeps asking me what I want from him. And when I ask him how he feels, he just goes silent. How can I get him to open up about his emotions? Yours, Frustrated Fiona Take heart in knowing that your boyfriend’s case is not unusual. He is probably a guy’s guy, into sports and cars and typical boy hobbies. Boy’s culture does not really encourage displays of emotion or reflection on feelings. Until that changes, if it ever does, girls and emotionally attuned males will have to account for this. To get most guys to change, it usually does no good to ask him to get in touch with his emotions. Instead, tell him simply what you want him to change and why. If, for example, whenever he comes home late from work and goes straight to the television and then to sleep, making you feel neglected, lonely, and depressed, then tell him exactly that. Then tell him you understand that he’s tired, but that you want more time with him. It’s good to express how you feel. But most men don’t know what to do with your feelings. So remember to suggest specific actions for him to do. |
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