Make the World a Better Place: Give Kindness

Not only do they observe decorum and courtesy, they sincerely care about the feelings of others and want to spread around the good feelings.

Just think: On the day you wear your new shirt, the one you spent a lot of thought and effort picking out, that woman in the elevator appreciates how you coordinated the patterns on your shirt with your belt design.

The man behind the counter at the coffee shop compliments your sense of style and asks where you got your shirt.

And that fashionably-dressed person sitting next to you on the bus-ride home remarks on how flattering the shirt looks against your complexion.

Everybody enjoys receiving an honest compliment, and practically everybody develops warm feelings towards the person who gave it to them.

Wouldn’t the world be so much kinder, friendlier, and comforting when people are courageous and open enough to give out kind words of appreciation sincerely, freely, and without any agenda or ulterior motive?

A universally attractive trait for both men and women is simply being social.

Several psychological studies have shown that the more sociable among us will have more and closer friends, be happier, and attract people in a powerful way.

A key part of learning to be more social is mastering the art of giving genuine compliments to strangers.

After all, if you can strike up genuine conversations with total strangers in a positive manner, you’re way ahead of the game.

Here’s how to do it:

1. Observe

Work on your observation skills. Take an art appreciation class or a course on fashion design.

Learn to notice small details: the intricate designs on the hem of a skirt, the unique cuffs on dress shirts, the outlandish architectural features of cutting-edge buildings.

Train yourself to notice specific details about people and things.

2. Remark

Next time you notice something interesting about someone, tell that person. Make the compliment as specific as possible.

‘Gee, I like your tie’ won’t make anyone happy. Instead, try something like, ‘Hey, I couldn’t help noticing how well your bronze-coloured tie matches the bronze tint in your shoes. Nice look.’

If you feel like continuing the conversation, you can follow up with, ‘Did you pick them out yourself?’ If he did, you have another opportunity to give kindness. Compliment him on his sense of fashion.

3. Walk away

This is the key difference between how most people give compliments and how it ought to be done. When most men compliment a woman, for example, they are often trying to impress her or get her to like him.

Instead, you should have no agenda. Be ready to walk away right after you give the compliment. When you’re just starting to learn this, I recommend you do exactly that.

Give your compliment, smile, then walk away, knowing you’ve just made someone’s day. Don’t worry, that person will be back for more.

Your only two goals in giving out compliments are to make another person feel good and to express the positive feelings you’re carrying around inside you.

Give it a try. You can thank me later.

Dear Lily,

Humour is a funny thing. It’s hard to define what’s funny and what’s not.

I bet you’re more concerned about your relationship than about whether your husband is really funny. After all, I assume you married him even after you found out about his quirky sense of humour.

This is a perfect opportunity for you to have him love you even more.

You might think that in a comedy club, you are just another head in a sea of faces. You probably think that the comedian on stage has no idea who started the laughter.

My comedian friends tell me, though, that during a show, they know exactly who started the laughter, exactly how long it came after the punchline was delivered, and exactly how enthusiastically they laughed.

So it is with men, especially when the occasion is a small gathering of friends.

Be the first to laugh at his jokes. Be sincere, but simply laughing is often good enough.

Many a woman who had the first laugh at her man’s jokes also had the last as she waltzed with him down the wedding aisle.