Believability 101
November 30, 2008
My latest The New Paper article. You’ll notice that I’m moving into the Believability material now.
| The Electric New Paper : | |
| Dr Date | |
| Dr Date: What do you look for - beyond looks? | |
| ONE of the first things I ask my clients is what they are looking for in a romantic partner. | |
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| 01 December 2008 | |
| ONE of the first things I ask my clients is what they are looking for in a romantic partner.
Invariably, my male clients start telling me the girl’s measurements, hair colour and height. They can describe in intimate detail her physical appearance. But ask him about the non-physical characteristics of his ideal girl, and he is stumped. Most men have never thought about their standards regarding their partner’s personality and character. Guys, have some standards. Right now, think of at least five personality traits in a romantic partner that are important to you. Write them down. The more specific you can be, the better. Here are some general examples. Maybe you want a girl who is open-minded, spontaneous, adventurous, independent and sophisticated. Or perhaps you are looking for someone who is caring, affectionate, and responsible. Personally, I like a girl who enjoys travelling off the tourist track and immersing herself in new cultures, who appreciates the arts and has some artistic talent, and who is passionate about life and is a positive and optimistic person overall. These are just examples. You should come up with your own list. Take a few minutes to think, and do it right now. Then, next time you are having a conversation with an attractive woman, remember that you have standards and subtly screen for these traits. Next week, I will cover how to screen adroitly. For now, the first step is actually having standards. Dear Dr Date, Last year, I fell for a caring and successful man. However, his mother disapproves of me because I am a widower with a young son, and he says he cannot disobey his mother. We still continue to see each other but recently, in public, he refuses to introduce me as his girlfriend, afraid that word may spread to his mother. He refuses to disclose his address or home phone number. The only way I can reach him is through his mobile phone. I have no shortage of suitors, but I am so attached to him that I can’t let go. Please help. Thanks and regards, Princess Dear Princess, I really admire your resolve and passion, and I sense that you are the kind of intelligent person who can do the right thing no matter how hard it may be. Perhaps it is unfilial to say that a grown man ought to have a mind of his own and not hide behind his mother’s skirt. But there is no such thing as a mature momma’s boy; there are only cowards, either too afraid to do what they know is right, or so spineless they must use their mothers as an excuse for their own lack of conviction. If a grown man considers you unworthy, he should say so and act accordingly. As a woman friend of mine recently reminded me, the truth is that the only one you can control in a relationship is you. You cannot force a man into lasting change. True transformation must originate from within. Only he can change himself. If you are unhappy with the way he is now and cannot live with his present faults, then you are better served by moving on rather than hoping he will get better. Also, your relationship seems highly unbalanced. You should not be the one doing all the compromising. In many ways, he has already taken you and your son for granted. Sounds to me like your guy needs to do some growing up of his own first. Leave him to it. |
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2 Responses to “Believability 101”
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This is great stuff, as usual, rake. But where’s the hard-hitting content you promised?
Hey dude,
Thanks, man.
I’m very busy with other work at the moment. You can see a hint of this in my twitter updates. Will get to the blog and products very soon.
Cheers, Dr. Asian Rake.