Act fast and Be honest
November 24, 2008
The latest The New Paper column.
| The Electric New Paper : | |
| Dr Date | |
| Don’t ask ‘What do you do?’ | |
| ONE of my social and professional mentors in North America often took me along to high-society gatherings. | |
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| 24 November 2008 | |
| ONE of my social and professional mentors in North America often took me along to high-society gatherings.
I still clearly remember one of the first few ones I attended. It was a banquet in a grand setting: the glass-enclosed courtyard of a major art gallery. At the formal dinner, I was seated next to a charming and elegant older woman. After the start of our conversation, I asked her: ‘So what do you do?’ My question was met with an awkward smile and the nervous looks of others around the table. She graciously changed the subject, but eventually, several minutes later, she revealed that she was helping her husband with his business and their philanthropic activities. After the event, my mentor educated me: ‘It may be fine to ask your fellow students what their majors are. But among adults, it is rude to ask people what they do. There are better ways at getting to this information, if necessary.’ Personally, I enjoy talking about my work. But many people don’t. Maybe your conversation partner is a stay-at-home dad, or she works at the local morgue. Perhaps he has a hand in several different businesses and no single job title. Maybe she was just retrenched. Or perhaps he is a tax or garbage collector. If you are irrepressibly curious about what someone does for a living, ask instead, ‘So how do you spend most of your day?’ This allows people to talk about their work if they like. But it also gives the leisured class or the down-and-out a gracious way of talking about their hobbies, interests, and the things they consider more significant. Act fast, be honest Dear Dr Date, I took your advice and complimented a few women on their outfits. They all smiled and thanked me. Now I want to compliment one really cute girl, but can’t think of what to say. Any tips? Yours, Earnest Eddie. Eddie, Congratulations on having the courage to give good feelings to others! So you see a cute girl, but your mind goes blank. You can start a chat by remarking on something about your environment or situation. Ask her views about a general topic. And then there’s my favourite opening line, ‘Hey!’ Don’t wait too long. The longer you ponder what to say, the harder it is as anxiety builds. Be natural and honest: Say what’s on your mind and how you feel. You can even tell her you were thinking of what to say to her and just have to tell her how adorable she is in case you don’t see her again. Remember to be willing to walk away. And smile. |
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