Are “Looks” Important?

There is some truth to this, and advanced social artists can make this work for them.

However, the vast majority of studies tell us that lovers are drawn to partners with similar attitudes, values, and interests.

So the more accurate cliche is, ‘Birds of a feather flock together’.

Now here’s one for you girls.

You probably already know that you get closer with your girlfriends through talking and sharing secrets and vulnerabilities.

But the studies show that men bond through common experiences and doing activities together.

Most women forget this crucial difference. When they suggest a first date with a guy, they think of a place where they can talk and get to know each other. This is bonding, but female-style.

Regular readers of this column will recall an earlier article in which I recommended as a low-pressure first date simply taking a girl to a chill lounge or hip cafe.

Notice that this sort of setting is more conducive to bonding with women. Male bonding, though, does NOT consist of sitting across a table looking deeply into each other’s eyes while discussing your feelings.

For girls trying to snare that dream guy, there’s a better way.

First find out what hobbies, interests, and activities he enjoys and then suggest that you do that together. He will think on a subconscious level, ‘This woman fits in with my lifestyle.’

Maybe you will be bored to tears at the football game, badminton match, or the auto race. But if that’s his passion and you want to become his passion too, it’s your best bet for a great first date.

You said that the secret to getting the girl isn’t in pick-up lines but in having a hot bod. Does that mean average looking guys like me will never get a beautiful girl?

Yours, Desperate Damien.

Damien,

I regret to say that the last headline, which I did not choose, was slightly misleading.

The point was that your BODY LANGUAGE was the most important external factor in making yourself attractive, not that you had to be in amazing physical shape or have a ‘hot bod’.

And I pointed out that the first step to attractive body language was strong posture.

But your question leads to an important topic. How important are your ‘looks’?

While a partner’s looks aren’t nearly as important to women - who are generally attracted more to a man’s personality reflected in his body language and tonality - as they are to men, your physical appearance can help a lot.

Just as you can learn what to say and do and develop confidence, you can also cultivate your outward image and your ‘looks’.

I’ve personally coached and witnessed the worst-case scenarios. Obese, balding, pimple-faced guys in Coke bottle glasses - who through the miracles of contact lenses, fitness training, shaving, dermatology, and men’s fashion - transformed into cool, attractive men exuding charm and confidence.

You took the first step last week when you started the habit of the Wall Stand.

The next step is to ask a trustworthy female friend, ‘If you had to change one thing about the way I groom myself, what would it be?’ Put aside your ego, stay open-minded, and listen carefully.

Next week, I’ll get into some detailed suggestions about how you can groom yourself to reflect a more attractive image.