Get a Life

October 12, 2008

My latest article for the mainstream press here in Singapore. Regular blog readers should be able to identify the influences from Dieda and Lowndes (if this were an academic paper, I would have lots of footnotes): The latest column in The New Paper.

Pasted below for when the link expires:

The Electric New Paper :
Dr Date
Take a big leap now
SUPPORT and encouragement from friends and fans have been surprisingly solid and overwhelming.

By David Tian

13 October 2008
SUPPORT and encouragement from friends and fans have been surprisingly solid and overwhelming.

But there still are those few in various corners of Singapore’s society who try to cast aspersions upon my character and question why I write this column.

So here’s why I do it. Day after day, I see really great guys, who would make awesome boyfriends and husbands, going dateless and losing hope. And I’m fed up. I know from my experience that I can make a dramatic difference in people’s relationships and dating lives.

And I cannot stand by anymore as so many men are forced to wallow in lonely lives of quiet desperation because they’re ignorant about how to get better with the other gender.

And I’m glad to see my goals dovetail with those of Prime Minister Lee Hsien Loong, who gave dating tips during the National Day Rally in a bid to help boost marriage and birth rates in Singapore.

Here’s the first and biggest step; and it has nothing to do with women per se. It’s all about YOU.

Become happy with who you are and how you are living your life.

Most of us aren’t. The lucky few who are, should know they are way ahead of the game.

This joyful positivity about life is infectious and extremely attractive.

This doesn’t mean being complacent. It means being content with how far you’ve come and with where you’re going in life.

How do you get to this point, you ask?

To start, think of all the things you’ve been putting off doing until after your finances are more secure, or until the children are grown and have moved out, or until you have fulfilled your obligations and feel free to do what you really want with your life.

Don’t wait any longer. Forget the myth of ’some day, things will be different.’ They won’t. It never ends.

As of now, spend a minimum of one hour a day doing what you love to do, what you are waiting to do, what you feel you need to do.

You have all these dreams you keep talking about. Start living them now. You’ve been meaning for years to get into shape, to learn to play the guitar, to learn how to scuba-dive, surf, or play golf, to learn that new language, or to travel the world.

Now get off the couch and go to the gym, buy a guitar and learn how to play it, take that class in scuba-diving, rock-climbing, surfing, or golfing, enrol in that language course, travel to that exotic place you’ve dreamt of visiting all these years.

Do it. Now. Live in such a way that you can be proud of yourself. This is the single most important and most overlooked factor in mastering the social arts.

  • Learn more about relationship expert Dr Date at his website: www.powerofbeingasian.com
    DEAR DR DATE,

    Every morning, I meet this guy at the bus stop when commuting. I’m really interested in him.

    But I’m a girl, and I’m too shy to make the first move. What should I do?

    Shy Girl Nuri

    Dear Nuri,

    You may think that the responsibility for the approach rests on the man’s shoulders. Surprisingly though, research shows that women actually initiate two-thirds of all personal encounters.

    Just like the birds, the bees, and other wonderful creatures in the natural world, women use attention-getting devices and behaviours.

    A researcher named Monica Moore conducted a study of female nonverbal solicitation signals used in initiating two-thirds of male-female interactions.

    The successful signals included, in descending order of effectiveness: Smiling at him broadly; throwing him a brief, darting glance; dancing alone to the music; looking straight at him and flipping your hair; keeping a fixed gaze on him; looking at him, tossing your head, then looking back; and ‘accidentally’ brushing up against him.

    Don’t worry about the male ego. It is so big that it takes over retroactively.

    Be brave enough to smile broadly, keeping a fixed gaze on him. Point to the seat next to you and invite him to sit. And minutes later, he’ll forget that he didn’t make the first move.

    Ask Dr Date

    Have problems finding love? Make a date with Dr Date. He’ll go over the finer points of courtship in his weekly column in The New Paper on Sunday.

    E-mail your questions to tnp@sph.com.sg

    		•

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    Posted by Asian Rake | Filed Under Column in "The New Paper" 

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