A Personal Note to Faithful Blog Readers
October 30, 2008
Ever since my story entered the mainstream press in Singapore, major changes have occurred to this blog.
One really great change is that I finally got a real website. Another development is the production of the Dating 101 product, about which I’ve gotten overwhelmingly positive feedback. We’re quite pleased with the result, actually. Look out for some more, really great products coming out in the next few months!
On the other hand, certain social pressures from going mainstream have resulted in a high degree of self-censorship. Plus, I’ve just been too busy writing for other venues (newspaper and other online news sites) to complete the unfinished blog articles.
I started the blog as a way of sharing my passion for social dynamics and women and the insights I’ve garnered from my experiences. However, believe it or not, I’ve actually found myself compromising my own values for job security and social approval.
For the next month, I’ve got to tie up loose ends before embarking in a new direction, one that my faithful blog readers from many moons back will appreciate.
In the meantime, here’s a little treat.
So to those of you accustomed to hard hitting, honest, genuine, authentic, frank, no holds barred reports and articles, come back to check this site soon. The old Asian Rake will be returning with a vengeance.
Peace and love, Dr. Asian Rake.
Are “Looks” Important?
October 27, 2008
Here’s the latest The New Paper column.
Regular readers of this blog should be able to identify the influences 
Pasted below for when the link expires.
| The Electric New Paper : | |
| DR DATE | |
| Girls, here’s how to bond on a first date | |
| YOU’VE heard the old cliche, ‘Opposites attract.’ | |
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| 27 October 2008 | |
| YOU’VE heard the old cliche, ‘Opposites attract.’
There is some truth to this, and advanced social artists can make this work for them. However, the vast majority of studies tell us that lovers are drawn to partners with similar attitudes, values, and interests. So the more accurate cliche is, ‘Birds of a feather flock together’. Now here’s one for you girls. You probably already know that you get closer with your girlfriends through talking and sharing secrets and vulnerabilities. But the studies show that men bond through common experiences and doing activities together. Most women forget this crucial difference. When they suggest a first date with a guy, they think of a place where they can talk and get to know each other. This is bonding, but female-style. Regular readers of this column will recall an earlier article in which I recommended as a low-pressure first date simply taking a girl to a chill lounge or hip cafe. Notice that this sort of setting is more conducive to bonding with women. Male bonding, though, does NOT consist of sitting across a table looking deeply into each other’s eyes while discussing your feelings. For girls trying to snare that dream guy, there’s a better way. First find out what hobbies, interests, and activities he enjoys and then suggest that you do that together. He will think on a subconscious level, ‘This woman fits in with my lifestyle.’ Maybe you will be bored to tears at the football game, badminton match, or the auto race. But if that’s his passion and you want to become his passion too, it’s your best bet for a great first date. Dear Dr Date, You said that the secret to getting the girl isn’t in pick-up lines but in having a hot bod. Does that mean average looking guys like me will never get a beautiful girl? Yours, Desperate Damien. Damien, I regret to say that the last headline, which I did not choose, was slightly misleading. The point was that your BODY LANGUAGE was the most important external factor in making yourself attractive, not that you had to be in amazing physical shape or have a ‘hot bod’. And I pointed out that the first step to attractive body language was strong posture. But your question leads to an important topic. How important are your ‘looks’? While a partner’s looks aren’t nearly as important to women - who are generally attracted more to a man’s personality reflected in his body language and tonality - as they are to men, your physical appearance can help a lot. Just as you can learn what to say and do and develop confidence, you can also cultivate your outward image and your ‘looks’. I’ve personally coached and witnessed the worst-case scenarios. Obese, balding, pimple-faced guys in Coke bottle glasses - who through the miracles of contact lenses, fitness training, shaving, dermatology, and men’s fashion - transformed into cool, attractive men exuding charm and confidence. You took the first step last week when you started the habit of the Wall Stand. The next step is to ask a trustworthy female friend, ‘If you had to change one thing about the way I groom myself, what would it be?’ Put aside your ego, stay open-minded, and listen carefully. Next week, I’ll get into some detailed suggestions about how you can groom yourself to reflect a more attractive image. |
My Position as a Teacher
October 25, 2008
I have received a few hate mails from a small segment of the Singaporean public. I usually ignore such emails and am often amused by them.
But I find that the animosity is based on a few simple misconceptions. Most of these haters have read only the feature article about me in The New Paper, which ran as a headline the number of women I was intimate with in a relatively short span of time.
Let me make this absolutely clear.
1. I am now currently in a committed relationship.
2. The streak of 30 women in 2 months (actually, it was more like 9 weeks) occurred over a year and a half ago.
3. I have never dated or been intimate with any student of mine. And I have a very strict policy against romantic involvement with anyone in my workplace, including students and colleagues. In fact, I go out of my way to seem standoffish and even cold at work. I also strongly dissuade anyone from workplace romances.
And think about it. Why would a man like myself, who can supposedly get almost any woman he wants, risk his livelihood and work visa for a fling with a co-worker or subordinate? This would display an extreme scarcity mentality, which is the polar opposite of what I teach and advocate–a mentality of abundance.
Peace and love, D.
Back off on Kino with Asian Girls
October 22, 2008
My latest article for Amped Asia: Check it out here.
In case the link doesn’t work, use this: http://www.ampedasia.com/article/Asian-Men-Physical-Flirting-with-Asian-Women/
I really did put quite a lot of thought into this one and tried to keep it as succinct as possible.
Peace and love, Dr. Asian Rake.
The Wall Stand
October 20, 2008
The latest The New Paper column. The advice should be basic to any regular reader. The advice for women is inspired by Lowndes.
The newspaper headline is very misleading. I said nothing about “hot bods.” You certainly don’t need a hot bod to have good body language. A strong posture will make any guy look better.
I was warned that The New Paper will sensationalize their titles to sell papers. In this case, the title is actually inaccurate. I wish they’d run the title by me first. Or at least read the article carefully.
http://newpaper.asia1.com.sg/guide/story/0,4136,180666,00.html
Here’s the article:
| The Electric New Paper : |
| DR DATE |
| Forget pick-up lines, make your bod hot |
| A LANDMARK study at University of California, Los Angeles (UCLA), discovered that 93 per cent of likeability was attributable not to what you say, but to how you say it. |
| 20 October 2008 |
| A LANDMARK study at University of California, Los Angeles (UCLA), discovered that 93 per cent of likeability was attributable not to what you say, but to how you say it.
In fact, body language accounted for 55 per cent, vocal tonality for 38 per cent and verbal content accounted for only 7 per cent. Yet, so many men ask me for the magic pick-up lines. The truth is, there is no perfect pick-up line. Any line can work. The more important factors by far are the fundamentals - your body language and vocal tonality. And underlying the fundamentals of body language and tonality is the foundation: The right psychological attitudes to women, the world, and yourself. Let’s focus first on body language. Many of my women friends in Singapore have noticed a common phenomenon among many men here: Bad posture. It projects physical, mental and emotional weakness. Perhaps it’s because the extreme heat is so enervating, or men are emulating their slouching seniors and hence perpetuating the cycle, or the straight posture reminds guys of their military service, which they would rather forget. Honestly, I’m not sure why it occurs. There are several remedies, but the simplest is this: the Wall Stand. Stand with your back against a wall. Make sure the back of your head, your shoulders, buttocks and heels are touching the wall. Keep your chin up. Hold this position for three minutes. Now keep the same posture, and take one step forward. Remember how this wall posture feels. Commit this to your muscular memory. Repeat the wall stand once a day for three months straight. It’s just three minutes a day for three months. The key is consistent application. Do the wall stand once a day. And check your posture throughout the day. Good posture is important not just to your attractiveness and confidence but also to your overall good health and well-being. In three months, anyone can eradicate that slouching posture. Learn more about dating expert Dr Date at his website: www.powerofbeingasian.com. Dear Dr Date, There is a really cute guy at work who likes me. I’d like to know him better. But I don’t want to be too aggressive or easy. How do I know whether to play hard to get? Yours, Confused Cheryl Dear Cheryl, Should you play hard to get? There is a famous study by four highly respected social scientists entitled ‘Hard to Get: Understanding an Elusive Phenomenon’. The researchers polled college guys about whether they preferred hard-to-get women and why. The responses were predictable. The men figured that if a girl was hard to get, she had to be more valuable. As good academics, they wanted to test common assumptions. So they hired a group of young men and women who did not know each other. The men were to call the women and ask them on a date. Half the women were to pause for three seconds and then only reluctantly accept, hence playing hard to get. The other half was to accept immediately and with enthusiasm, hence being easy to get. When the researchers asked the men how they felt, the results were remarkable. The men liked the ‘easy to get’ women much better. The researchers repeated the tests five more times using five different methods. The results were the same each time. Contrary to prevailing presumptions, playing hard to get with men does NOT make them want you more… at first. In a follow-up study, the men were told that others were pursuing the woman. This did the job. When the man thought the woman was hard to get for his rivals, but easy to get for him, he liked her even more than before! So when a man asks you out on a date, respond immediately and enthusiastically. But then subtly imply or demonstrate that you are hard to get for other men. |
As you think, so shall you become
October 17, 2008
“As you think, so shall you become.” –Bruce Lee
That’s a mantra for me in changing myself dramatically over the past couple of years. It’s really the secret to phenomenally rapid and lasting transformation.
Let me introduce you to an article that says has some powerful insights into this topic.
This post isn’t meant as an excuse for being delinquent on updating the blog. Rather than a substantial blog post once a week, I’m now writing a two-page weekly column for a national newspaper, an even longer weekly column for www.ampedasia.com, the planning and production of various exciting products soon to be released, and my academic work, which is kicking into high gear this year. Never fear, though. The new blog articles will be coming, slowly but surely 
Today, I’m directing you to one of the very few blogs of which I am a regular reader
Owen (”Tyler Durden” is his old handle) was a caricatured character in Neil Strauss’s “The Game.” Insiders know that Neil needed a foil for his main characters, and TD proved to be an easy target. It forced Owen into retreat and to reconsider his approach to women and life. Since then, his company, Real Social Dynamics, has put out a lot of products whose teachings supersede and contravene RSD’s earlier methods.
Sometimes they go too far to the extreme, especially in their techniques for manipulating one’s emotional state, but it’s a welcome corrective to the rest of the trends in the industry.
Here is an excellent blog article by Owen.
Here’s to a kick-ass weekend!
Dr. Asian Rake
Quick Update
October 13, 2008
As you probably noticed, a lot of changes have been happening here recently
I was featured on the front page and given a 3-page spread in the Sunday edition of Singapore’s The New Paper about a month ago. TNP is the second-largest circulation paper in Singapore. And I was invited to contribute a regular, weekly column on dating. You can find my back articles under the category heading, The New Paper Column.
I conceptualized and created Dating 101.
We got a new website and new design.
And now I’m writing for Amped Asia.
Plus, I’ve been spending A LOT more time on my day job than I was a year ago.
I just want my blog readers to know that I realize I’ve been writing for other contexts and that I will return to them shortly. I’ve been writing up an LR (field report of a successful interaction), which should be up soon. As well, I’ve got lots of theory and tech posts to write up soon. So check back in a few days!
Peace and love, Dr. Asian Rake.
Amped Asia Column
October 13, 2008
Just as I’m starting to get a handle on writing for the mainstream press here in Singapore, I start another weekly column for the nitty-gritty pop culture press of (mainly) America. Check out my first column in Amped Asia.
For now I’m on the front page, but eventually this will be archived, so find it here: http://www.ampedasia.com/article/Asian-Men-Start-Your-Social-Mastery/
Get a Life
October 12, 2008
My latest article for the mainstream press here in Singapore. Regular blog readers should be able to identify the influences from Dieda and Lowndes (if this were an academic paper, I would have lots of footnotes): The latest column in The New Paper.
Pasted below for when the link expires:
| The Electric New Paper : | |
| Dr Date | |
| Take a big leap now | |
| SUPPORT and encouragement from friends and fans have been surprisingly solid and overwhelming. | |
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| 13 October 2008 | |
| SUPPORT and encouragement from friends and fans have been surprisingly solid and overwhelming.
But there still are those few in various corners of Singapore’s society who try to cast aspersions upon my character and question why I write this column. So here’s why I do it. Day after day, I see really great guys, who would make awesome boyfriends and husbands, going dateless and losing hope. And I’m fed up. I know from my experience that I can make a dramatic difference in people’s relationships and dating lives. And I cannot stand by anymore as so many men are forced to wallow in lonely lives of quiet desperation because they’re ignorant about how to get better with the other gender. And I’m glad to see my goals dovetail with those of Prime Minister Lee Hsien Loong, who gave dating tips during the National Day Rally in a bid to help boost marriage and birth rates in Singapore. Here’s the first and biggest step; and it has nothing to do with women per se. It’s all about YOU. Become happy with who you are and how you are living your life. Most of us aren’t. The lucky few who are, should know they are way ahead of the game. This joyful positivity about life is infectious and extremely attractive. This doesn’t mean being complacent. It means being content with how far you’ve come and with where you’re going in life. How do you get to this point, you ask? To start, think of all the things you’ve been putting off doing until after your finances are more secure, or until the children are grown and have moved out, or until you have fulfilled your obligations and feel free to do what you really want with your life. Don’t wait any longer. Forget the myth of ’some day, things will be different.’ They won’t. It never ends. As of now, spend a minimum of one hour a day doing what you love to do, what you are waiting to do, what you feel you need to do. You have all these dreams you keep talking about. Start living them now. You’ve been meaning for years to get into shape, to learn to play the guitar, to learn how to scuba-dive, surf, or play golf, to learn that new language, or to travel the world. Now get off the couch and go to the gym, buy a guitar and learn how to play it, take that class in scuba-diving, rock-climbing, surfing, or golfing, enrol in that language course, travel to that exotic place you’ve dreamt of visiting all these years. Do it. Now. Live in such a way that you can be proud of yourself. This is the single most important and most overlooked factor in mastering the social arts. DEAR DR DATE, Every morning, I meet this guy at the bus stop when commuting. I’m really interested in him. But I’m a girl, and I’m too shy to make the first move. What should I do? Shy Girl Nuri Dear Nuri, You may think that the responsibility for the approach rests on the man’s shoulders. Surprisingly though, research shows that women actually initiate two-thirds of all personal encounters. Just like the birds, the bees, and other wonderful creatures in the natural world, women use attention-getting devices and behaviours. A researcher named Monica Moore conducted a study of female nonverbal solicitation signals used in initiating two-thirds of male-female interactions. The successful signals included, in descending order of effectiveness: Smiling at him broadly; throwing him a brief, darting glance; dancing alone to the music; looking straight at him and flipping your hair; keeping a fixed gaze on him; looking at him, tossing your head, then looking back; and ‘accidentally’ brushing up against him. Don’t worry about the male ego. It is so big that it takes over retroactively. Be brave enough to smile broadly, keeping a fixed gaze on him. Point to the seat next to you and invite him to sit. And minutes later, he’ll forget that he didn’t make the first move. Ask Dr Date Have problems finding love? Make a date with Dr Date. He’ll go over the finer points of courtship in his weekly column in The New Paper on Sunday. E-mail your questions to tnp@sph.com.sg |
Social Reactionaries
October 9, 2008
I’ve gotten lots of great feedback and encouraging letters of support after I was featured in Singapore’s The New Paper and I started writing the regular column as Dr. Date in The New Paper. The staff at The New Paper has been nothing but gracious and professional.
In fact, it looks like my last column about the booty text contained offensive language! How could I have missed it? I thought I was doing the country a service by educating young girls on what the country’s players were trying to do. Truth and knowledge are always good in my books. I really don’t care about making it harder for players. I’m fine with raising the stakes. It’s not like the bar gets set that much higher anyway, haha. After all, step up your game!
Some girls have expressed to me their appreciation for that lesson.
However, one guy took it upon himself to write in to the paper with a grammatically correct and rational-sounding complaint about that booty text column. I figure that, for all I know, there are other guys who think the same way. I’m not going to take up column space to address this, but I am willing to give him some blog time.
Here are the crucial parts of the letter:
“This is a written response to Dr Date’s article in the New Paper on Sunday the 5th of October. In it, Dr Date wrote an article warning women to be aware of the players in Singapore who use late night phone messaging to entice women to sleep with them. He makes an impassionate speech about how Singapore has a lot of players and how malevolent their advances can be. He ends the article by saying that if you are an attractive female, you should promptly ignore these inappropriate texts.”
So far so good
“Please take note of the last bullet point which says “ESCALATE DIRECTLY TO SEX”. This is a direct contradiction to what he wrote about how women should beware of the players in Singapore who want to have sex with them. He also mentioned about following through on text and email in a previous bullet point which serves to further highlight the outright contradiction about what he wrote and what he actually practices and preaches.”
Okay, now. Faithful blog readers ought to be able to respond to this one. Escalating directly to sex does not mean that you ever force yourself on a girl or bombard her with thoughtless text messages. It means that you don’t do anything unnecessary (like going on ten dates first) before giving the girl what she wants.
“As a normal guy wanting to meet women, I send text messages at
different times of the day and night just for the fun of it. Dr Date
has made it seem like sending text messages is a sinister act to
entice women to sleep with a man. This is devastating to a man’s
confidence as he may simply text an ordinary message to a woman he
likes and she may not respond simply because she read Dr Date’s
article. Moreover, Dr Date has been seen leading a bootcamp outside at
bars and clubs teaching men how to pick up random women. His behaviour
and his words are completely contradictory and should be used as a
warning to any man who wants to study under him. In all likelihood,
there are some serious questions about ethics and professional
practices that Dr Date should answer to the public if he continues to
write in the New Paper about dating advice to men and women.”
One by one now, lol.
What I wrote was this:
“Here’s the general rule.
“If a man sends you a late night text that reads something like, ‘Hey, whatcha up to?’ or ‘Hey, where are you?’ or ‘What are you doing now?’ or ‘Wanna meet up?’ or ‘Let’s meet’, then this constitutes a booty call text. He’s texting you to get your ‘booty’.
“This is a transparent ploy to get into your pants with minimal effort or time.
“If you do not want to sleep with this person, then do NOT respond.
“This is not an innocent question asked over text message at one in the morning.”
Notice that it wasn’t merely the timing of the text that is the problem.
It’s also (and mainly) the CONTENT of the text. The booty text offers no value whatsoever. It is a thinly veiled booty call.
I’m assuming this guy isn’t sending out texts like those. If he is, he should consider changing those texts because they offer no value whatsoever.
In fact, they’re value-leeching. He’s not telling her anything interesting about his life or about the venue or about the night. Nothing at all. He’s just value leeching. And girls are right to ignore value-leeching texts.
I send late night texts all the time. But they are to my good friends. And I try to offer (or be) some value every time. (For advanced social artists: There is a correct time, place, and reason for the booty text, but that’s for another post).
Also, I have never said that I don’t teach bootcamps. In fact, the feature article in The New Paper mentioned this already.
Maybe this guy has a problem with the whole idea of learning how to be better with women, in which case, we don’t have much to talk about, lol.
My bootcamps are NOT to train “players” (guys who trick or manipulate women into doing things they regret).
They’re to help people get better with meeting and attracting women in a genuine and natural manner.
You certainly can’t get better with women if you don’t actually go out, meet, and talk to some women! LOL. So yes, I lead in-field sessions as part of my personal coaching. Practice in the real world is a necessary component of getting better in the social arts.
You know, men everywhere in the world seem to have a real hang-up about meeting women, like it’s a sin or something, or like they’re bothering the women. No wonder there are so many dissatisfied women out there.
Peace and love, David.
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