The New Column on Dating Advice
September 14, 2008
So my first weekly column in the Sunday edition of Singapore’s The New Paper came out. They’re still using that goofy photo. All the girls I’ve asked about that photo, though, said I looked cute, so maybe I don’t appreciate my looks enough, lol.
Here’s the unedited version. I actually have two columns with a total word count of around 600. One is for my musings. The other is for me to answer a reader’s question. If you’ve been in the community for a while, the dating advice should be very basic. A special shout-out to Sebastian Drake here. I also included the first part to clear up my reputation after that sensationalized headline.
Enjoy!
Since last week, I’ve become known as Singapore’s Hitch, which is fine by me.
In certain circles, though, I’ve also been labeled, “The man who had 30 girls in 2 months.” I suppose there are worse things to be (in)famous for.
But as someone who has gone to the other side and back, let me tell you, it’s not all it’s cut out to be. Yeah, it was a hedonistic paradise for a while. But it got tiresome fast. And it didn’t lead to lasting happiness.
I must admit, though, I sure learned a lot about women!
Of course, I realize that this won’t deter some immature guys out there from trying to follow in my footsteps and bag as many chicks as possible. But here’s a fair warning to you aspiring playboys: As with most things in life, the goal is anti-climactic.
I was much happier a year and a half later when I was exclusively dating one really high-quality girl, with whom I was enjoying all the love, sex, and romance a man could ever want.
An interesting observation follows from this.
Men like myself, who have been intimate with a lot of women, are the objects of admiration.
But women who have been with a lot of different men are usually the objects of disdain and derision, labeled as sluts, whores, or “easy girls.”
What a double standard!
A little food for thought…
Peace and love, Dr. Date.
“Dear Dr. Date,
Can you help me? My problem is that I’ve been going on dates, usually a nice dinner then a movie… But the costs are getting way too high. I’m still a student. And now I’m going broke… Sorry to trouble you, but do have any advice?
Thanks, Darryl.”
Death to the dinner date!
Darryl, I commiserate.
The dinner date is a horrible idea, especially for a first date.
Don’t get me wrong. I’ve had wonderful dinner dates, usually when there’s a new restaurant that I’ve been meaning to try, and I invite a girl along. But I’ll tell you, the dinner itself didn’t help.
The more expensive the dinner, the more pressure you’re putting on you and the woman. The more formal the setting, the more like an interview it will feel, especially if you’re sitting across from each other.
It’ll start to feel like you’re courting her and will bring with it all the severity associated with traditional courting. This is precisely the kind of weighty and serious tone you want to avoid on a first date. Who wants all that pressure? You’re just trying to get to know each other!
Plus, if you eat until you’re full, there’s the good chance you’ll get a little sleepy or bloated or worse! This is definitely not the kind of reaction you want on a date, lol.
The first date is already nerve-wracking enough! Why add extra stress?
Let me give you some better first date ideas. The best first date should include activities that are:
1. Conducive to conversation
2. Cheap and fun
3. Convenient
Look for activities that will allow you to talk with each other. This is why movies are a bad first date idea. We’re busy people. If we spend two hours watching a movie, we’ve just lost two hours that we could’ve spent getting to know each other. You can find out a lot about a person in that time.
Do things that are cheap and fun. This allows you both to relax, and keep things light. Go for a walk in the botanical garden. Go window shopping around Orchard Road or Vivocity. You don’t have to buy anything unless you want to, but you can try on crazy outfits together, share your thoughts on interior decorating, and share a scoop of gelato.
Make sure it’s convenient for both of you. The more effort you put into the first date, the more pressure you’ll have and the harder it will be to relax, enjoy yourself, and be your best self.
The key is to do something you enjoy doing even without your date. I like meeting at coffee shops near my place. We can share a drink, and if we don’t hit it off, it’s just a five-minute walk back home. No pressure. It’s all fun and light. If we do hit it off, we can go explore the nearby shopping areas.
In Singapore, entertainment areas are so close together and so well laid out, it’s simple to find fun things to do in close proximity.
So look for activities that are conducive to conversation, cheap and fun, and convenient for the both of you.
Happy loving!
Your Dr. Date.
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[...] Original Asian Rake [...]
Hi Daivd
I am 30 years old guy with average looking and stable income but still single. The past 6 years only have 2 relationships and have been trying to get a girl to settle down. I went to party, friend’s intro, blind date and others. But still at the end of the day still the same old things, most of my friends are married or going to marry soon. I dun want be left alone. I dun expect to have pretty or rich girlfriends. Just normal looking girl will do.
Could you have any good advice for me.
Regards
Ivan
Hi Ivan (David if I may)
I sincerely advise you to sign up for David’s one on one bootcamp. You seemed like a top guy but there may be some concepts you truly need to learn which you may not have realised yet.
Let David assess your personality and current lifestyle. I am sure he is able to spot exactly what areas you need to work on (it maybe more obvious than you think bro).
- Fleance aka Genesis