The Inner Life of a Lover of Women

August 27, 2008

This is written primarily for my female readers :-) Guys, you’re welcome to keep reading, too. FYI, coming up is the conclusion to the Toronto FR, the third installment on Reality is Subjective, as well as some articles on identity building, and affirmations and visualizations.

So… in the past few months, I’ve been getting more and more female readers. I know because sometimes they email me. I’m always happy to correspond with open-minded, intelligent, and adventurous women.

Most of my posts, especially the little updates about my life, were written with my male audience in mind. To a degree, this results in a kind of “We are Sparta” style of communication.

It’s sort of like when you’re hanging with the boys, slamming down beers, shooting the shit, insulting each other, and in general, having a gay old time (pun intended), … and then some dude’s girlfriend shows up. Unless she’s one of those butchy motorcycle chicks (god love ‘em), then, well, the whole dynamic shifts.

The feminine has arrived.

So here’s my reaction to the feminine arriving at my blog

I want all you beautiful, intelligent, and fun-loving women, who are wary (for good reason) of “players” and their ilk, to know something about me.

I do NOT consider myself a “player.” See this awesome post by my buddy, Nick Sparks, who said it so well.

I am, first and foremost, a lover of women. I am completely honest and open in my love for women. It is actually my greatest vulnerability. Notice the subtitle of my blog: “Adventures of an Enlightened Lover.”

While it may be cliche to say, I will anyway: I really am searching for that one woman who can be my match and truly satisfy me. I found a special girl like this near the end of my time in Beijing. I was exclusive to her for many (well, okay, a few) months, and though I appreciated the beauty of other girls, I was still loyal.

But alas, we are far apart now. And I am weak in the presence of the feminine.

I am mature enough to realize that no one woman can ever quench forever my desire for new partners. It’s an urge that I have to conquer myself. It’s just that some women make it easier for me than others ;-)
Why, then, if I am looking for that one special girl, do I become intimate with so many others?

Well, while I am still searching for “that special girl,” I certainly intend to enjoy life to the fullest, including all the sex, passion, and romance I can get and give.

So what does it take to keep a guy like me fully satisfied?

Well, there are plenty of idiosyncratic personality traits that turn me on. For example, I like girls who can enjoy a relaxed afternoon with me exploring the National Museum. But such details are for the girls to ask me in person ;-)
Where most girls fail is in the simplest things.

1. Time. Guys like myself are used to seeing 3-4 different girls a week. That means at least 3 weeknights out on “dates.” Add to that Friday and Saturday nights, which are usually big group club nights.

Most girls feel stifled by all this time together. But I’m not looking to become like those clingy couples who can never separate. We’d be together for companionship, but usually doing our own separate projects and pursuing our own purposes. In busy periods, the logistics simply don’t allow this time. No biggie.

But realize that guys like myself are used to spending 5 nights a week going out with different women, usually with passion and romance involved. If you don’t want us seeing other women, then be prepared to step up and fill in for them :-)
But hey, when you’re just starting out, take it easy and slow :-)
2. Sex. Guys like myself are used to getting lots of it. Obviously, if we’re doing a good job arousing the girl and building sexual tension and anticipation, we can guarantee ourselves pleasure later in the night. But, sometimes, an experienced man wants to just relax and not do all the work. With some girls, this is harder than with others (pun again intended).

We’re looking for both quantity and quality here. Not that I’d get lazy with the sexual vibe, but I do enjoy being seduced myself once a week or so.

This is mainly what makes “that special girl” so hard to find.

So, hmm, time and sex. Sounds superficial? Well, I’m just being honest.

Obviously, there are many other qualities I look for in a woman. You can see a short list in my Believability article. But these two simple things, time and sex, are where most of my otherwise wonderful FBs (friends-with-benefits) fall short.

I’m always on the look out for “that special girl” who can inspire me to be exclusive and can offer all the love, sex, and romance that a man like myself craves and yearns for.

In the meantime…

Happy playin’, The Asian Rake.

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Posted by Asian Rake | Filed Under Psychology 

Comments

3 Responses to “The Inner Life of a Lover of Women”

  1. Honey on August 27th, 2008 12:18 pm

    AR, I hear ya, though so much depends on your work schedule. When the BF and I were both in grad school, we went out at night and had sex much more often (a lifestyle similar to what you describe). Now that we both work it is different and we both actually wish we could see each other more. I don’t know what your work schedule is like now, but be prepared for your circadian rhythm and sex drive to change depending on your work schedule.

    One of my own theories is that people sometimes mistake their sex drive in the beginning of a relationship with their “normal” sex drive when actually they are often quite different. I’m sure you’re quite attuned to YOUR sex drive (at this point in your life, at least), but many people are not so it is definitely a conversation to have when things are still relatively new with a potential long-term partner. That way you don’t have a bunch of sex in the beginning, think that’s how it will always be, and then you get a full time job or she settles into the relationship and the other person’s expectations aren’t being met.

    Anyway, really enjoy your blog. Quite well written, which many are not :-)

  2. asianrake on August 28th, 2008 1:50 pm

    Hey Honey,
    So nice to hear an informed female opinion!

    Great point about the tapering off of the sex drive later on.

    I definitely know how much the work schedule can affect one’s sex drive. I was alluding to this when I talked about “busy periods.”

    You’re also quite right that over time, the frequency of sex tends to decrease. My sex drive is always quite high, though, regardless of how long I’ve been in the relationship. We might go from 7 times a week to 4 times a week, but any less than that, and I start getting restless…

    Love your blog, too :-)

  3. Chris on September 2nd, 2008 10:36 am

    This entry as many others of yours is just great.

    I am very familiar and in tune with Zan’s way of thinking, which you put into great words in this post.

    This is actually a wonderful example of how to explain your needs and your love of women to any one.

    Keep up the great work

    Chris

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