How to Make Friends with Dating Coaches

August 31, 2008

I wasn’t planning to write this, but various events have transpired in the past few weeks that have inspired me to write this little note.

I had a pleasant meeting with a few guys from Zan Perrion’s The Natural Game Forum. They couldn’t be more different from me. They were local Singaporean. I was a newly arrived foreigner. They were 19-20 years old. I was a 31 yo. professor. They were dirt poor students. I was making, well, a decent living for a highly educated 31 year old. But we had plenty to talk about. It got me thinking.

I’ve lived in four countries now where lair guys (lairs are online forums for men who want to learn how to meet and attract women) have tried to befriend me. Usually, 90% of the guys on the forums are, how shall we say, social liabilities. They are also value leeches, taking value but hardly ever giving anything in return. But the few that are sincere, honest, and ready to make big strides in self-transformation remain my friends to the present day.

I am often asked how I got to know the relationship and dating coaches whom I now count as good friends.

Here are a few tips.

1. Have a life outside of “learning how to attract women,” and talk about yourself and your life passionately. I personally love talking about women and social dynamics, but if you’re a newbie, chances are good that you won’t be able to teach me much that I haven’t heard already. So don’t pretend to. Just be honest and genuine. Tell me something I don’t know. Teach me about the punk rock scene in Singapore. Teach me how to shoot a machine gun. Teach me how to ride a motorcycle. I don’t know how to do any of those things, but I’m very interested. Talk to me like I’m a girl. LOL. In other words, talk about your passions passionately.

2. Take our advice seriously. Most of us are paid over USD$100 per hour for in-person consultations. Many of us charge far more than that. The female consultants over at The Rules charge over three times that price. So when you’re getting free dating advice, value it. If you ask us a serious question, listen carefully to our answers. Don’t debate. Don’t argue. Open your mind. Try out the advice first. Then report back with specific details.

3. Consult at least some of our materials (articles, ebooks, audio interviews and products) BEFORE you meet to talk with us about social dynamics. This saves us all valuable time This is also a crucial element to befriending professors, important writers, politicians, etc. Never talk to a professor about his field unless you’ve read at least three of his or her works. This is just common respect.

4. Disengage your ego. When you assert your ego, you force your interlocutor to be aware of his. So it’s best to check your ego at the door. It makes it that much easier for the coach to forget his ego, too.

Peace and love, The Asian Rake.

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Posted by Asian Rake | Filed Under Miscellaneous 

Comments

2 Responses to “How to Make Friends with Dating Coaches”

  1. Dex on September 2nd, 2008 11:15 am

    Thanks for these tips, AR!

    I just went over to Zan’s forum and checked it out :-)

  2. Lance on September 3rd, 2008 12:11 am

    Hey, thanks for linking this, I like Nick’s writing but I don’t stop by the social man blog regularly. I left both of your guys some comment love. Also, great post. Cheers!

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