How to Make Friends with Dating Coaches
August 31, 2008
I wasn’t planning to write this, but various events have transpired in the past few weeks that have inspired me to write this little note.
I had a pleasant meeting with a few guys from Zan Perrion’s The Natural Game Forum. They couldn’t be more different from me. They were local Singaporean. I was a newly arrived foreigner. They were 19-20 years old. I was a 31 yo. professor. They were dirt poor students. I was making, well, a decent living for a highly educated 31 year old. But we had plenty to talk about. It got me thinking.
I’ve lived in four countries now where lair guys (lairs are online forums for men who want to learn how to meet and attract women) have tried to befriend me. Usually, 90% of the guys on the forums are, how shall we say, social liabilities. They are also value leeches, taking value but hardly ever giving anything in return. But the few that are sincere, honest, and ready to make big strides in self-transformation remain my friends to the present day.
I am often asked how I got to know the relationship and dating coaches whom I now count as good friends.
Here are a few tips.
1. Have a life outside of “learning how to attract women,” and talk about yourself and your life passionately. I personally love talking about women and social dynamics, but if you’re a newbie, chances are good that you won’t be able to teach me much that I haven’t heard already. So don’t pretend to. Just be honest and genuine. Tell me something I don’t know. Teach me about the punk rock scene in Singapore. Teach me how to shoot a machine gun. Teach me how to ride a motorcycle. I don’t know how to do any of those things, but I’m very interested. Talk to me like I’m a girl. LOL. In other words, talk about your passions passionately.
2. Take our advice seriously. Most of us are paid over USD$100 per hour for in-person consultations. Many of us charge far more than that. The female consultants over at The Rules charge over three times that price. So when you’re getting free dating advice, value it. If you ask us a serious question, listen carefully to our answers. Don’t debate. Don’t argue. Open your mind. Try out the advice first. Then report back with specific details.
3. Consult at least some of our materials (articles, ebooks, audio interviews and products) BEFORE you meet to talk with us about social dynamics. This saves us all valuable time This is also a crucial element to befriending professors, important writers, politicians, etc. Never talk to a professor about his field unless you’ve read at least three of his or her works. This is just common respect.
4. Disengage your ego. When you assert your ego, you force your interlocutor to be aware of his. So it’s best to check your ego at the door. It makes it that much easier for the coach to forget his ego, too.
Peace and love, The Asian Rake.
A Special Kind of “Player”
August 28, 2008
I’ve been waiting for my buddy, Nick Sparks of The Social Man, to post his thoughts on the subject of being seen as a “player.” Does player vibe harm you or work for you? That’s a tricky question. Nick does a fantastic job tackling it: Check out his post here.
The Inner Life of a Lover of Women
August 27, 2008
This is written primarily for my female readers 
Guys, you’re welcome to keep reading, too. FYI, coming up is the conclusion to the Toronto FR, the third installment on Reality is Subjective, as well as some articles on identity building, and affirmations and visualizations.
So… in the past few months, I’ve been getting more and more female readers. I know because sometimes they email me. I’m always happy to correspond with open-minded, intelligent, and adventurous women.
Most of my posts, especially the little updates about my life, were written with my male audience in mind. To a degree, this results in a kind of “We are Sparta” style of communication.
It’s sort of like when you’re hanging with the boys, slamming down beers, shooting the shit, insulting each other, and in general, having a gay old time (pun intended), … and then some dude’s girlfriend shows up. Unless she’s one of those butchy motorcycle chicks (god love ‘em), then, well, the whole dynamic shifts.
The feminine has arrived.
So here’s my reaction to the feminine arriving at my blog
I want all you beautiful, intelligent, and fun-loving women, who are wary (for good reason) of “players” and their ilk, to know something about me.
I do NOT consider myself a “player.” See this awesome post by my buddy, Nick Sparks, who said it so well.
I am, first and foremost, a lover of women. I am completely honest and open in my love for women. It is actually my greatest vulnerability. Notice the subtitle of my blog: “Adventures of an Enlightened Lover.”
While it may be cliche to say, I will anyway: I really am searching for that one woman who can be my match and truly satisfy me. I found a special girl like this near the end of my time in Beijing. I was exclusive to her for many (well, okay, a few) months, and though I appreciated the beauty of other girls, I was still loyal.
But alas, we are far apart now. And I am weak in the presence of the feminine.
I am mature enough to realize that no one woman can ever quench forever my desire for new partners. It’s an urge that I have to conquer myself. It’s just that some women make it easier for me than others 
Why, then, if I am looking for that one special girl, do I become intimate with so many others?
Well, while I am still searching for “that special girl,” I certainly intend to enjoy life to the fullest, including all the sex, passion, and romance I can get and give.
So what does it take to keep a guy like me fully satisfied?
Well, there are plenty of idiosyncratic personality traits that turn me on. For example, I like girls who can enjoy a relaxed afternoon with me exploring the National Museum. But such details are for the girls to ask me in person
Where most girls fail is in the simplest things.
1. Time. Guys like myself are used to seeing 3-4 different girls a week. That means at least 3 weeknights out on “dates.” Add to that Friday and Saturday nights, which are usually big group club nights.
Most girls feel stifled by all this time together. But I’m not looking to become like those clingy couples who can never separate. We’d be together for companionship, but usually doing our own separate projects and pursuing our own purposes. In busy periods, the logistics simply don’t allow this time. No biggie.
But realize that guys like myself are used to spending 5 nights a week going out with different women, usually with passion and romance involved. If you don’t want us seeing other women, then be prepared to step up and fill in for them
But hey, when you’re just starting out, take it easy and slow
2. Sex. Guys like myself are used to getting lots of it. Obviously, if we’re doing a good job arousing the girl and building sexual tension and anticipation, we can guarantee ourselves pleasure later in the night. But, sometimes, an experienced man wants to just relax and not do all the work. With some girls, this is harder than with others (pun again intended).
We’re looking for both quantity and quality here. Not that I’d get lazy with the sexual vibe, but I do enjoy being seduced myself once a week or so.
This is mainly what makes “that special girl” so hard to find.
So, hmm, time and sex. Sounds superficial? Well, I’m just being honest.
Obviously, there are many other qualities I look for in a woman. You can see a short list in my Believability article. But these two simple things, time and sex, are where most of my otherwise wonderful FBs (friends-with-benefits) fall short.
I’m always on the look out for “that special girl” who can inspire me to be exclusive and can offer all the love, sex, and romance that a man like myself craves and yearns for.
In the meantime…
Happy playin’, The Asian Rake.
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