Transparency and Purpose as Cornerstones of Direct Game

March 3, 2008

I’ve been battling a cold. I kept walking around my place in Toronto as if I were still in Singapore, wearing just shorts and a t-shirt. From this and the interminable jet-lag, after a couple of days, I caught a cold and haven’t been able to shake it yet. The worst part is that I’ve got some very important work meetings in Boston in the next few days.

In the meantime, I want to talk about why someone using direct game can suck one week and then be super playboy the next. I don’t always go direct. But I find it the most efficient and the most fun! When you go in direct with genuine interest, you are putting it all on the line. You are transparent. Your intentions are clear to you, to her, to the world. There are techniques here, but those are minor compared to the major factor of having a clear intent.

I’ve found that I am most effective when I’m happy with where I am in life. For a long while, I had goals of reaching a certain body fat percentage and muscle mass, recovering and improving on my old facility with the saxophones, having a kickass bachelor pad, and attaining a certain fluency in Chinese. By late October last year, I had reached these goals or was well on my way (except for the music one; the excessive travel kept preventing that). I was content with where I was career-wise, too. So when I looked at a beautiful, high-status, high-value woman straight in the eyes, I could do so with confidence, putting my real self out there 100%.

There was a point in my life when I wasn’t able to do this. Looking back, I can see that it had a lot to do with the fact that I hadn’t made any progress on my goals in fitness, music, living standards, or linguistic facility, and I wasn’t proud of my job or my career path.

Similarly, I know a lot of guys who aren’t proud of where they are in life. They aren’t doing what they really want to do with their lives. They have dreams, but they aren’t taking any steps to achieve them. Sure, you can have lots of success doing direct game while being a janitor, but major successes will only come if you are proud of being a janitor or are happy spending your days as a janitor. Most guys wouldn’t. And that’s why most guys just can’t pull off direct game successfully. People can smell your discontentment. High-quality women and men can sense that you’ve compromised in life.

On a deeper level, it’s about purpose. See David Deida’s many chapters on this. I’m not talking just about your career goals or how much money you want to make. Your purpose could be to improve living conditions in Africa or to clean up the environment or to find homes for all the stray puppies in New York City. Your purpose can also change drastically every few years. The important thing is that you have a purpose that you are passionate about and that the purpose has nothing to do with pleasing women.

Here’s something that a few of my new clients need to hear: “Stop thinking about pickup! You’ve been doing it for years and going nowhere. Get your life handled first. Get a job you’re proud of. Make that career change you keep agonizing over. You have all these dreams you keep talking about. Start living them now. You’ve been meaning for years to get in shape, to learn to play the guitar, to learn how to scuba-dive, to learn how to ski or play golf. Now get off your ass and go to the gym, buy a guitar and learn how to play it, go scuba-diving, rock-climbing, skiing, and golfing. Do it. Now. Live in such a way that you can be proud of yourself. Then, when you’re comfortably progressing toward those goals, go approach that beautiful woman and look her straight in the eye and say with a serious expression, ‘Hi. I saw you standing here, and I just wanted to tell you, I think you are … (smile)… beautiful. My name’s [---]. Who are you?’”

Happy playin’, The Asian Rake.

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Posted by Asian Rake | Filed Under Miscellaneous 

Comments

No Responses to “Transparency and Purpose as Cornerstones of Direct Game”

  1. robertj on March 3rd, 2008 8:55 pm

    Well said. I say it all the time: pickup isn’t about pickup. It’s about being a better person. It just so happens that great guys get laid a lot :)

  2. Rex Smith on March 6th, 2008 2:38 pm

    True that. When you’ve got more exciting stuff going on in your life than some chick, and you’re passionate about all that stuff - it doesn’t matter how she reacts.

    Always operate from a position of power.

  3. Will on March 7th, 2008 5:12 am

    booyah. You hit the nail on the head.. thanks for the reminder.

    - Will

  4. The Asian Rake on March 7th, 2008 1:59 pm

    I’m glad this post resonated with you guys. Yeah, being good with women is really so minor when you realize there are so many other important things in life.

  5. Miguel on March 10th, 2008 10:01 pm

    You nailed it perfectly. Direct and Inner game are really intertwined with your life.

    Anxiety is a dissatisfaction with who you are right now, that’s why it never goes away until you start living for real.

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