How Important is Momentum in the Venue?

August 25, 2007

My first outing to the mega-clubs in Beijing during my most recent stint was supposed to be purely for reconnaissance. I wanted to scope out the dozens of clubs in the club district to find the target-rich environments and to just see what the social dynamics were like there. I wasn’t planning to do any real approaches or anything. It was purely for research.

But I was also thinking that I would at least chat up some friendly and hot looking strangers once I had a feel for the places. That, however, did not happen. Guess why?

I had spent about two hours going into about a dozen different clubs, walking 3-4 city blocks in dusty Beijing, over-dressed on a really warm night, and I hadn’t talked to a soul. How hard was it to cold approach a group of hotties then?

Well, I did open a few groups. But they were all Western girls and guys, so it was easy. We had something in common.

But I had the hardest time even doing a simple opener to the group of two northern Chinese girls sitting directly to my right at the bar. Granted, it was the biggest and loudest club there. And granted, the boyfriends showed up 5 minutes later and acted very protective of them. But still. I was really disappointed in myself that night.

Then I read a post by My Birthday Pony. I can’t be bothered to find it right now. But basically, he talked about how he too had encountered a similar issue.

Negative Momentum. It’s a killer. We as social beings, especially us introverts, have a natural tendency toward negative momentum. If we do nothing, or if we act our normal introverted selves, we generate negative momentum.

Here’s the antidote: Positive Momentum. Duh. I was reminded of how this works the night after my scouting night. I was determined to overcome my approach anxiety.

Guess what? It was a million times easier the second night. Why? Because I generated positive momentum right from the start. This is particularly important if you’re going solo because you don’t have buddies you can chat with to get your social juices flowing.

If you are going solo, as soon as you walk into the venue, I don’t care if you’re about to piss your pants, or your throat is parched dry, or your hands are shaking from the cold outside, or whatever, you must approach the FIRST friendly group you see. Even if all you do is talk to them for a few minutes, which is what I usually do, that will be enough to start the positive momentum.

[Edit:] Even better is to start building your momentum before you even step foot in the venue. Flirt with your waitress at lunch and dinner. Flirt with the barrista at Starbucks when you get your morning coffee. Talk to the people in the elevator. Talk to the doorman or the cab driver. Talk to the guys and girls in the line outside the door. Talk to the bouncer.

Every minute that accumulates between the time you leave your home to the time you actually finally have a conversation with someone will result in generating negative momentum.

I used to take my sweet time at the start of the night. I’d go to the bathroom to check my hair. Then I’d saunter over to the bar and order a drink. Then I’d sit and wait for the drink to arrive. Then I’d sip the drink. And only then would I consider opening a group for warm up.

I was able to get away with this because I had fun wings who I could chat with and get into a social mood with.

But when you are going solo, and if you are an introvert like me, you cannot afford to take your time like this when you enter the venue. Open the first friendly group you see and get to know them. Warm up right off the top.

Happy playin’!

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Posted by Asian Rake | Filed Under Social Skills 

Comments

No Responses to “How Important is Momentum in the Venue?”

  1. Regal on August 25th, 2007 10:01 am

    Hey player-
    Momentum is extremely important. I have pulled from clubs with little momentum before, but if you have momentum your game just goes to the next level. You are having so much fun and it’s so effortless to talk to chicks that you’re just rolling. The flipside is, if your momentum gets too strong, sometimes it’s hard to slow it down and focus on the things you are trying to improve about your game.

    Most nights when I don’t build momentum, I end up gaming poorly or not at all. Most nights when I DO build momentum, I end up having a great time and being adored by women. It’s a powerful part of the game to be aware of.

    ps, don’t focus on momentum in the venue, man… focus on your own personal momentum. If you open a few girls on the way to the club, for instance, by the time you get there you are all ready to get going full swing. Same way as if you bounce from one club to another, you just adjust your energy level so it’s appropriate to the venue… then GO. The momentum just keeps building.

  2. The Asian Rake on August 25th, 2007 2:05 pm

    Hey,
    Thanks for the reminder. Yeah, it’s even better to start the momentum before you get to the venue.

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